Uni Student: Am I truly boring for not drinking?

[SoberStudent]

Hello,
I'm a current university student however, I don't drink for a variety of reasons. I have encountered countless questions over this decision however, I overheard someone talking about me in my room (my room mate and her friends were making pizza at midnight which is in itself annoying, as I was trying to get to sleep...that's a separate question, do I have the right to tell her not to do that again? Or am I overreacting as it was late and I was tired?). They basically said oh 'SoberStudent is so boring...she does nothing, she doesn't go out to clubs, she doesn't get pissed etc etc' it went on and on like this for a while, really rude when I'm awake next door and can hear them. I'm not really friends with my flat mates or room mate, I feel they don't know the real me, so they may see me as boring. I'm more friendly with my coursemates. One girl stood up for me and said I was 'nice'...however I wanted to know, if you were a student, would you view me as boring? Should I just try and forget what they said? I feel like the comment is playing on my mind, I really shouldn't care what they think but I just can't help it 😔

[bookwormnerd]

I found more friends on my course, in the second and third year it was better as choose who to live with. Luckily my husband who i met at university who does drink but not to excess helped. I went out for dinner with people and to the cinima or shopping but I found that it was easier in the second and third year as people calmed down a bit as more work. There was still the people who were very much thinking they were cool as they went drinking, clubbing and seeing unknown bands (because of course any popular music was below them) I would say join societies that interest you, try other social activities that you enjoy. To be honest I still get comments now from the mums who talk about wine o clock but I give less of a toss about it now. I didnt drink after seeing alcpholic relative put me off. If they need alcohol to have fun that says more about them

[notfromstepford]

You need new flatmates next year. I lived with 2 people I met in halls for the whole of my uni life. 1 was a party animal and the other was teetotal - I was kind of inbetween. We used to have a great time and it didn't matter who was drinking and who wasn't - we'd still have a laugh. We'd either do our own things or do stuff together but we all appreciated each others choices and different natures - I think that's the difference. Maybe we were a bit more mature.

I work at a uni now and it's a question I get asked a lot from prospective students - worried they won't fit in because they don't drink. It generally works out when they find people who are either like them or people that like you as a person and not because you go out on the lash.

[ShutYoFace]

The difference was that those who did drink didn't get as skanky as people do now. Yes, they drank and sometimes they were drunk, but they weren't boring, they didn't chuck up in gutters and they didn't end up having to be carried home

In Britain? They most certainly did!

[Mrsdraper1]

I did drink when at uni but I don't now, 20 years later.
IME a lot of people who drink seem to feel very threatened when you tell them you don't drink. They seem to think you are judging them even though you aren't.
I don't drink because I suffer from migraines, no judgement whatsoever. But it still seems to bother people and they still try to get me to have some. My dad is one of the worst, he seems almost panicky if you won't accept a drink, it's very annoying when you have been refusing drinks for 6 years and he still asks.
It doesn't mean you are boring at all. They are probably very insecure and need drink to give them confidence.
Try not to let them upset you and look forward to sharing with people you actually like next year

[officerhinrika]

My son went through university not drinking and found the constant pressure to join in very irritating. Ironically one reason he doesn’t drink is that he did drink previously and knows that alcohol makes him angry and aggressive. Thus trying to explain to people that “you wouldn’t like me drunk” felt very odd to him as people wouldn’t take his word for it. He had a lot of pressure from his sports team to join in what were essentially initiation drinking games but luckily being quite large and forceful eventually got them to lay off. (And stopped the initiations the next year when he got on the committee).
Your flat mate sounds hideously immature, try not to dwell on their opinion as it’s probably not worth much. As pp have said make enquiries about rooms that have come free but if not it’s only 1 1/2 terms to go. And get earplugs.

[milliemolliemou]

OP can you not just change rooms/halls? Move nearer the friends whose company you enjoy? speak to the students union? One of my DCs was appallingly unhappy first year because he was put with people on the grounds they all "loved sport" - he enjoyed playing it, they just watched it on TV - and they ignored him because of it (daft, I know). It was only after he asked around (a bit late) he found he could change rooms/flats and had a much happier time.

[Sadiebird]

I was like you when I was a student. I didn’t drink much at uni, and was considered odd/boring by some. I don’t like the taste of alcohol really, I get an awful foggy head, and often I just couldn’t be arsed going round bars - I preferred hanging out with my friends at home, making some nice food and listening to music or watching a film. I did feel very much like an outsider sometimes, felt a bit lost at parties and other occasions like that when everyone else was smashed. I wish now I’d not tried to hard to fit in.

I didn’t go into halls (I lived at home in my first year) but gravitated towards people I met on my course that were more like me, and had an good second year and an amazing third year.

You’ve not long to go...you’ll be fine

[TheCowWentMoo]

What do you like to do op? You could invite them to do something non drink related. We do things like film nights, go to a pool/table tennis bar, get a takeaway or cook something like a roast together, we sometimes go to a trampoline park i dont know if theres one near you? Most people even uni students don't drink everynight, and most students at least where i am do plenty of things like cosy nights in. I think it's all very well to say they're not your people but you've still got to live with them and you could try just spending time with them. I think uni can be very alcohol centred and if you dont drink you have to make more effort because you have to be the one to suggest things, but that doesn't meant that uni has to be non social just because you don't drink. Most people are up for non alcohol related things and evenings in etc. but try probably wouldn't suggest them

[Deshasafraisy]

Drunk does not mean interesting. Ignore these shallow idiots and be true to yourself. They need to drink to enjoy themselves , you don’t , which means you win.

[BethanyCourt]

SoberStudent I was you five/six years ago. I really didn't get on with any of the people i was put into halls with. It's just pot luck who you end up with! They would go out most nights and wake me up when they got back - my sleeping patterns that first year were all over the place. Luckily it all worked out in the end as i ditched them come second year. The actual friends i made on my course i still speak to this day!

[SoberStudent]

@eltonjohnssyrup Oh god, I really don't want to come across as standoffish. That's the last thing I want, and I'm really disappointed that it has come across in this way.

I've been out on club nights with them and I've been out on pub nights with them...I just felt uncomfortable because they kept on pressuring me to drink and wouldn't take no for answer. So I don't think I'm constantly saying no to them and their efforts. If they wanted to go to cafe or to the cinema I'd definitely be up for that, but unfortunately they don't want to do that kind of stuff. From your observations, how can I make myself appear less standoffish, as I really don't want to come across like that.

I don't think I behave like my room mate's mother as I don't actually tell her off for these things. I just am not a fan of the constant mess and the uncleanliness...I don't actually moan at her for this. I'm being a bit of a pushover and not standing up for myself actually so she is leaving things in a mess and thinks it is ok. I think there is a certain compromise here...as it is also my space and room as well I think that is only fair?

I also asked my question here as I wanted the views of people who had completed uni or been in that situation themselves. I just wanted their advice, especially as they might have children going through the same thing.

[SoberStudent]

@SadieBird yes those are the sort of things I like to do as well. I also feel very "lost" at a party, I just feel like a spare part, really really awkward and self-conscious. Sometimes I feel like an outsider as well, but it seems from a lot of the advice on here that it get better in second and third years, so I will hold out hope

I am quite a shy person as well, and I don't feel like my flatmates really know the "true" me iyswim. I've invited them out to cafes in town while we've been out, but they've said no as they couldn't afford it. But I will give it another try, what's there to lose

[BethanyCourt]

My experience definitely got better in 2/3rd year! You don't have to live with these people forever and pretty soon you'll forget about them and laugh at them for all the petty stuff they did. Sounds geeky but i used to go sit in the library and read for a couple of hours if i just wanted to get away from the house

[Sadiebird]

I know what it’s like to have people pressuring you to drink, I was round at my friend’s house once and it turned into a bit lf a party...fine, I was happy to just not drink. But I’d driven to my friend’s anyway so couldn’t drink anyway. But all her housemates were like ‘You can stay! Why don’t you stay? You can just drive home tomorrow!’ and were singing this song and chanting my name to drink it was ridiculous, they wouldn’t let it go. I was just thinking, oh please fuck off but it’s hard when there’s so many other people joining in. I did end up just going home.

[Brakebackcyclebot]

Sharing a room at uni would have been my worst nightmare. It sounds horrific. Is there a door & wall between your bed & the kitchen? Or were they cooking in the same space as you? Is it a studio flat with 2 beds & kitchen in same space, with no separation? If That's the case I would want to move! Could you swap rooms with your flat mate's friend??

[jay55]

Go to the accommodation office and see if any single rooms have come available and get your name down for one. People drop out all the time during the first year.

[Landed]

OP do not doubt yourself! From what you have said YOU are NOT boring! Neither are you inconsiderate or wasting money on activities you would rather not do. You have done more than them, you have tried joining and found it's not for you so waste your money especially as it sound as if you have other things to do with it. It might be worth checking if any better accommodation is available as sometimes people drop out by now or someone might be with others who don't like drinking and/or the club scene. They don't need to know that you're making enquiries.

Student Unions seem to still be very lazy with really only providing opportunities for certain groups of drinkers and non drinkers, as there are many who must struggle on the first night and beyond. Non drinkers are usually the ones who end up looking out for those who get drunk and so can be vital, just like those who make use of someone choosing to be the no drinking driver.

[SoberStudent]

The room setup is like this: A door leading off to the bedroom, opposite is the bathroom, and then through another door is the kitchen and living area. The kitchen is right next to the bedroom though, so I could hear everything. I don't mind them being in there at that time, it was just the fact they were being rude and talking about me when I was blatantly there.
I did actually go and talk to accommodation at the beginning of second term; they really couldn't have been less interested. They didn't care at all...I will go and speak to them again though as I just want my own privacy and space to be honest.

[KimmySchmidt1]

I would, and I went to Cambridge which is full of nerds. People still ate pizza at midnight and had the odd piss up.

Live a little, you’ve got your whole life to be sensible. University is a special time to have fun as well as work hard, you’ll never experience anything like it again.

[KimmySchmidt1]

Also wtf are you on a website designed for mums when you are a uni student? How old are you?

[specialsubject]

Perhaps after intelligent debate from non prejudiced people?

Newsflash - theres no check for genitals and breeding history on mn.

[specialsubject]

Don't worry about people who think booze makes them interesting. You can't drink away being dull.

[geekymommy]

I didn't drink when I was in uni. I was boring. I do drink now (but not to excess). I'm still boring. Whatever the answer is, alcohol doesn't seem to be it.

[SoberStudent]

@KimmySchmidt1 I answered that question previously. "I also asked my question here as I wanted the views of people who had completed uni or been in that situation themselves. I just wanted their advice, especially as they might have children going through the same thing."

Also, I do understand the whole have fun while you're at uni thing...but I feel too awkward when going clubbing to fully enjoy it. I'd love to enjoy clubbing, I feel it would make uni so much easier...but I don't unfortunately.

[robertaplumkin]

drunk people are boring! not going to lie, being teetotal can be a hard, lonely life. you do just need to find your people. you don't need a lot of them. but stay true to yourself the world doesn't need more stupid sloppy drunks.