Uni Student: Am I truly boring for not drinking?

[SoberStudent]

Hello,
I'm a current university student however, I don't drink for a variety of reasons. I have encountered countless questions over this decision however, I overheard someone talking about me in my room (my room mate and her friends were making pizza at midnight which is in itself annoying, as I was trying to get to sleep...that's a separate question, do I have the right to tell her not to do that again? Or am I overreacting as it was late and I was tired?). They basically said oh 'SoberStudent is so boring...she does nothing, she doesn't go out to clubs, she doesn't get pissed etc etc' it went on and on like this for a while, really rude when I'm awake next door and can hear them. I'm not really friends with my flat mates or room mate, I feel they don't know the real me, so they may see me as boring. I'm more friendly with my coursemates. One girl stood up for me and said I was 'nice'...however I wanted to know, if you were a student, would you view me as boring? Should I just try and forget what they said? I feel like the comment is playing on my mind, I really shouldn't care what they think but I just can't help it 😔

[Landed]

I'm shocked that room sharing still goes on how awful for you and any others in similar position. As has been said already they are totally immature and need to grow up fast. Having said that I've come across a lot of adults who are the same, heaven only knows how they function at work sometimes, seriously you can see when their work dips badly, not a good road to go down. No way are you boring they are the bores for making it an issue. It also annoys me no end that as has been said now we have the highest rate of non drinkers amongst the young as I see no evidence of student unions making any efforts to enable those who do not drink to enjoy freshers week the same as those who enjoy going clubbing and drinking. If you know otherwise OP please tell me I'm wrong, I'd seriously love to know if it does factor in any student union freshers week especially the first night. Hang in there, and good luck with your studies.

[MojoMoon]

Are you bored? Would you like to have a more active social life?
I wonder whether you have taken this silly comment to heart because it taps into some fear you do have.

You say you are out during the day but in every evening. Are you a member of any societies? Lots of them would be doing society related stuff in the evenings that isn't drinking heavily. Do you feel comfortable with going to a pub and not drinking? For example going to do a pub quiz with friends?

[humblesims]

they literally spend every night pissed
check up on these people in twenty years time and you'll find a large proportion of them will be be alcoholics, functioning or non functioning. I'm in my fifties and most of my peers with alcohol and alcohol related heath problems started at uni. Keep on your own path.

[SoberStudent]

@Landed room sharing is still very uncommon at my university...only three other rooms are like it on my corridor and I know of no other instances. It's only because we go to in through clearing or adjustment and there was no accommodation left. I can see it being a success with similar people, but we are just very different people.
Student unions do hold non drinking events, but they seem to be for certain ethnic minorities....BAME have a non drinking student night, and LGBTQ+ but I don't fit into either of those categories. Other than that, it's been all drinking events...it's because it is apparently cheaper for student unions to team up with clubs and bars? On my first night here of freshers, we had second and third year helpers who helped us settle in. They basically got everyone involved in a drinking game, and later went to a club (I did go to this as it was the first night, but I didn't enjoy myself at all...I really wish I did like drinking and clubbing, I feel it would make uni so much easier) It's heavily focused on drinking still, and I only know one other person who hardly drinks.

[OpheliaHardon]

OP, they are the ones who are boring (and unkind, to boot). You won't be stuck with them for much longer, so concentrate on the friends you have on your course. I didn't drink or go clubbing at university; it was sometimes hard at first, but I gradually found friends who were more like me, and then it was brilliant. There are always people who equate being drunk with "having fun". If it were that much fun, they wouldn't need to spend their time bitching about people who are different from them.

[Abracadabraapileofbollocks]

No my (and still) closest friend from Uni has never drank. She finds night's out where everyone is drinking understandably wearing sometimes.
We have things in common though, bonding over those at uni.
It's uni. Join more socs of interest and find more varied people. Good luck!

[SoberStudent]

@MojoMoon. When my friends have gone back home for a weekend, sometimes I find myself bored. I just do worry that I come across as boring because they don't know I have friends whom I see in the daytime , I think they think I have no social life at all. I think it's because I have a very active social life back home that my uni social life seems a lot less in comparison - I'm just closer with my friends back home really. Yes I'm a member of two societies. I do go to some of their events in the evening, but one of them I see mostly in the daytime (art). Again, a lot of their socials heavily focus on drinking and going out to the club.
I think it depends on who I'm with when I go to a pub sober. I do this a lot at home, however I went out with my flat mates to a few bars and pubs. They just kept going on about me not drinking and trying to get me to drink that it got really boring and was taking over the whole night...I wish they just ignored it and then I would've had a good time just chatting etc.
So yes, I do worry whether there is an element of truth in me being boring.

[oddexperience]

Honestly don't despair. Not being friendly with the flat sucks but it sounds like you have course mate friends and housing sorted which means you're already doing well. With societies I agree that all of them do exclusively drinking socials. It sucks. I just do my best to find people with similar attitudes to me. The other day I was talking to a course mate about this and it turned out even though he drank he hated it and hated clubs. We now have plans to go play pool during the week instead. I also do board game nights once or twice a week as well. You sound like you're doing fine. Try not to overthink it. Just do your best. It's more a reflection of them than you

[MojoMoon]

I was thinking if societies like the film club or theatre societies or the lighting/sound society for events.
At least when I was at uni, they had lots of evening things going on such as screenings or rehearsals. People may have had a drink during screenings but it wasn't a piss up so as you don't seem to be totally opposed to being around alcohol, they might be good.

Also volunteering based societies are often very friendly and again, may meet for planning in the union bar because it is a free venue, but it isn't a piss up. We ran a society recruiting and training volunteers for a project with isolated older people and met in the union bar because it was large, had quiet rooms and was free to use. But it definitely wasn't a piss up!
Duke of Edinburgh or exploration clubs form strong bonds. Yeah they go to the pub sometimes but very rarely as a massive bender. Just as a place to chat.

When you do meet people you like through your course or societies are you proactively trying to build friendships with them? How about inviting some people in the next two weeks to do something one evening that you fancy - cinema, dinner etc? What would you like to do in the evening?

I was quite shy at uni (although I probably hid it well) and found it difficult to be the one to ask people to do things. But that is how you build good friendships - it takes work. Some people meet their best friend in halls by sheer chance, everyone else has to work on it. I can tell you that ten years after being in halls, only one "best friendship" still exists from the people in my block. living out of halls frees people up to develop more interest based friendships than just proximity. But you do need to work at it. I only figured that out in my final year.

[specialsubject]

Remember a student is only a few months off a school kid. Shouty messy spoilt girl is last years hair flicking sixth form queen bee.

Alcohol never made anyone more interesting. Try to move to be with less boring and spoilt people because you are living in brat central with some nasty kids.

[Eltonjohnssyrup]

I don't think you're boring no, and it was very cruel of them to say things within your hearing.

However I do feel a bit sorry for you as you sound like a bit of a stereotypical nightmare flat mate. You have chosen not to get involved in the University social scene. That doesn't mean your flat mate should feel like she has to spend her first year tucked into bed at 9:30 in a wincyette nightie and can never bring friends home. And 'don't use my kitchen things' is extremely annoying. Your can opener won't spontaneously combust if someone else uses it.

I think you either need to learn to be a lot more tolerant or find private accommodation and move out. You're in halls and this is what life in halls is like. If you don't like it the onus is on you to go elsewhere, not other people to drop their social lives to suit you.

[DullAndOld]

honestly if their idea of being interesting is getting shit faced, you are best off out of it.

[FluffyWuffy100]

Sharing a room sounds hideous.

Lots of people quit uni and rooms in other halls become available - can you get on at uni accommodation services to get a single room?

It’s fine to not drink but if everyone is honest, going out clubbing is a very common hobby for people at university. And if you don’t like that you will find it harder to find your people. But you will find them.

[Allthewaves]

Just get through first year then u can pick who u want to live with

[tillytrotter1]

As an adult I rarely drink, as I got older and the alcohol got cheaper, lived abroad, I've drunk less and less, even I sometimes get pressured, Oh come on, have a drink. I think that people who drink heavily actually feel that non-drinkers are in some way being critical of them, yet if they were to call out the heavy drinkers about their choices then all hell would break loose.
Good luck with Uni, don't feel under pressure to do what others insist when you don't want to.

[Ariela]

SoberStudent I wish you could meet my daughter, you'd get on just fine (she also thinks wasting £££ on drink is pointless, and avoids parties for the same reason - or goes till 10.30 then goes home to bed.)
She lives at home and she attends Uni locally and was a very last day of clearing because she didn't pick her A level results up till a week later because she didn't get to finish work to get them so accomodation would not have been possible, and refuses to socialise because 'all they do is drink, it's pointless'
So while she's made friends on the course she knows nobody else other than a couple she was at school with one of whom lives in halls this year.
She's quite happy with her decision and does go to other things outside of Uni eg Young Farmers, perhaps you could look outside of Uni? Or start your own social club for non drinkers at Uni?

[SoberStudent]

The thing is, I'm not tucked up in bed by 9:30 in my nightie. This is the sort of thing I imagine they think I do because I'm boring and don't drink or go out with them. I will watch TV or a film until late and then go to sleep or I will occasionally go out with my friends, however unfortunately they live on the other side of town.
Also, i don't object to them using my stuff. It's just when they leave it dirty for a week because they aren't bothered to clear it up again.

I don't want them to drop their social lives either, in fact I don't mind when they go out as I just like having a bit of time by myself after having been around them for most of the evening. It's just the fact they don't respect what I want to do and my decisions. I don't constantly ask them why they drink and why they enjoy clubbing...it's the fact they are not respecting my decision.

[OutyMcOutface]

Quite frankly only people who are too borning to have fun without drinking, drugging and clubbing think that way. You need to find yourself a more intellectually gifted roommate. International and mature students are usually the most interesting tbf.

[NotDavidTennant]

In your shoes, I would like to see if I could change rooms.

[BestZebbie]

It sounds as if your lifestyle is more like the one that people tend to have when they are ten years older. Of course not (binge) drinking is better for your health and drinking is not compulsory to be an interesting person. However, you might not fit in seamlesly with the "default" late teen/early twenties set in the same way that they wouldn't fit in easily with ten year olds or forty year olds.
You should get on with your life as you want and find people with the same lifestyle as yourself to spend your time with - once not forced to live together you will rapidly drift apart from your current friends. However, do be aware that it is much easier to do the drinking and dancing thing in this very short period of your life than at any other time, so if you think you might ever regret not doing it later, this is your chance - you have much much longer to watch TV and sometimes meet friends for a coffee.

[Eltonjohnssyrup]

Looking at this from their point of view, it sounds like they're trying to include you and you're knocking them back and being unfriendly. You don't have to drink to go out with them. Just joining them in the pub for an hour at the start of the evening would show willing. You sound really standoffish.

They are away from home and free for the first time. Your room mate is probably not really enjoying having someone behaving like her mother tut tutting at her nights out and complaining about noise and mess.

I think it's interesting you've chosen a forum of middle aged women who are likely to agree with you to ask this question TBH. If you'd asked in the student room you would have had very different replies.

[latedecember1963]

I was very similar to you when I was at college 30 years ago. Like you I had a livelier social life when I was home with friends who took me for who I was. I did make good friends at college, several of whom I'm still good friends with.

Ds2 is in his first year at uni and really worried before he went whether he would cope with the drinking culture but as a pp has said Sober Socials groups are becoming more common. He's joined Sober Socials, Ultimate Frisbee, Running and plays in a strings group. He's on polite terms with his playmates but his social life is based around the people he's chosen, rather than those he got put with if that makes sense.

You sound absolutely fine to me so don't fret about other peoples' perceptions of you. Maybe secretly some of them wish they had your courage to be true to yourself!

[latedecember1963]

Playmates should have said flatmates!

[specialsubject]

speaking as a middle-aged woman... (although there's no proof)... uni was a long time ago but I didn't drink then. The difference was that those who did drink didn't get as skanky as people do now. Yes, they drank and sometimes they were drunk, but they weren't boring, they didn't chuck up in gutters and they didn't end up having to be carried home.

Uni sounds less fun now.

[FluffyWuffy100]

@specialsubject rates of drinking are actually declining. Gen Z (current uni crop) drinks less than Millennials.