To think ex shouldn't take this job in a school the dc will attend?

[theduchessstill]

He works through an agency as a cover supervisor in schools. Ds1 will go up to the secondary school in September and told me recently that ex sometimes works there. I thought it wasn't ideal really, but didn't give it much thought. However, I am a teacher and since then a new member of staff in my department who used to work where ex now works has told me that he falls asleep in lessons. I felt ashamed when she told me (fuck knows why - I'm not married to him anymore) so I can't imagine how embarrassed the dc will be if he carries on like that when they are there. Apparently the kids think it hilarious and like him as they can do what they want, but I think our dc will get stick for this.

What can I do ? Obviously IWBU to tell him not to work there (he struggles for money and regular work) and, yes, he has a health condition that makes him tired (though doesn't stop him doing late night gigs, but I get that it's relatively easy to fall asleep when you're just sitting at a desk) but I feel he should do everything in his power to stop this from happening for the sake of his dc. What can I do ? I feel our dc have enough to contend with and don't need this.

[loveheartsandchoc]

Why is he not paying maintenance if he is working?
In the best possible way, I think you are making this into an issue that isn't there I.e it hasn't happened yet and may never happen. If it becomes an issue in future look into dealing with it then. But there's not much you can do right now (or indeed if it does happen). For now I would say be kind to yourself, let it go and stop worrying. You clearly are a good mum as you are worried about things like this affecting dc but for now try not to overthink and channel your energy elsewhere.

[theduchessstill]

How about you end up getting him sacked from all his jobs, and he is on the dole. will you like what could be the end result of meddling?

I don't know what the aggressive tone is for. I never said I was going to 'meddle' but it would actually make no difference to me if ex was on the dole as he has never paid any maintenance. We share custody about 70/30 to me and it has taken me 3 years to get him to accept he needs to buy pants for the dc when they are with him, rather than texting me to huffily announce they need them.

I'm just annoyed that he doesn't give a shit about how this could affect the children. How dare he potentially show them up in this way.

[Lizzie48]

My DH's dad taught at his secondary school. He absolutely hated it, and was really bullied as a result. Even worse, his dad was bullied by the head teacher to the point of having a breakdown and was forced out. His NUT rep wanted him to sue for constructive dismissal but he just wanted out.

My DH was victimised too. He failed one A level, in the subject his dad taught. They went through it together and couldn't work out why he'd failed. But the head refused to question the result, said it wasn't possible, though the school did do it with other pupils.

He's done fine, he did an HND and then got a degree in his chosen field and he is now a respected professional.

But he really wishes he had gone to a different high school.

Obviously that's extreme. In your DS's case his dad is only a supply supervisor, but kids will tease him for his dad falling asleep. Not much can be done about that though. If he just shrugs it off, hopefully it will blow over. It's not as if your ex will be there all that often.

[ArbitraryName]

Have you considered that your new colleague may not be being entirely truthful. It is very unlikely that a cover supervisor who fell asleep during a lesson would get more work from the same school.

[mummmy2017]

How about you end up getting him sacked from all his jobs, and he is on the dole. will you like what could be the end result of meddling?

[givemesteel]

When I was a kid I went to the same school my mum taught at for a while (2 years primary), it was OK but only because my mum was liked and respected as a teacher. I would have been mortified if it was secondary and my mum was one of those teachers kids ridiculed.

I don't think you can ask your ex not to teach there but you can mention the falling asleep thing as that is ridiculous, it's not OK for him to be taking money from the school to teach a class then doing that.

Surely he can go to the gp for help with his condition or drink a red bull before teaching etc...?

[LynetteScavo]

Some parents work at the schools that their kids attend. It's not an issue.

As a child I attended the secondary my (very popular and much liked) parent taught at.

My stomach still lurches when I think of it now several decades later. So I would disagree it's not an issue.

Other things happened in my childhood that MN would claim were severe abuse, that upset me possibly less now.

But I don't think you can't dictate where your ex works. You can certainly suggest to him he doesn't work in that school again, but I don't think there's anything else you can do.

Having said that I do know several families where children seem happy attending the secondary their parent teaches at, and at some independent schools it's perfectly normal- I can only speak from personal experience of a rough state school.

[Wolfiefan]

Some parents work at the schools that their kids attend. It's not an issue.
If he really fell asleep in lessons the school wouldn't have him back. Ever.
Stay out of it.

[Fattymcfaterson]

speak to the school

And say what?! That you heard gossip about a teacher falling asleep? Fucking vindictive

[Angrybird345]

Speak to the school!

[highinthesky]

Let sleeping dogs lie....

[QuackPorridgeBacon]

Pinga He’s getting work through an agency and hasn’t much money as it is. I’m not sure he is in a position to give up a job just because his child will be there. He also has a health condition that causes him to be tired. I may be biased here but my daughter has a condition that makes her tired and I wouldn’t appreciate gossp about her if she happened to fall asleep one day when she is older. We don’t even know how true it is. Since he has been back I doubt there was as big an issue as made out.

[Ellisandra]

The school have had him back, so I'm inclined to think that it was a single incident that Little Miss Gossip was spreading.

I once fell asleep during a meeting at work. It was all day and an airless room. I hadn't slept well the night before - not because I was out, just random. At one point, I did that sudden wake up thing - head jolt as you momentarily drop off - looked round, and was relieved no-one notice. Actually I same level colleague (also a friend) had - and teased me later.

I am not a bad employee. I've seen it happen to other people. I suspect that's all that happened to your XH.

If other kids mention it, well - if it wasn't that, it would be the shorts he wears. Or the lesson (cover) style. Or his hair. Anything.

Let it go, and give the Gossip a wide berth.

[Pinga]

Having a parent work in your is rarely fun ime. Especially at secondary level. Even more so if he has a habit of being so unprofessional as to fall asleep in lessons.
I would have a word with him and ask him to reconsider. There are other schools he could work at and fall asleep in lesson time. He doesnt need to do that in the school his own kids attend. And obviously shouldnt do it at all.

[Mxyzptlk]

If you are in contact with ex, OP, maybe you could say you heard about the sleeping and you are worried he'd lose his job if he keeps doing it.

[Witchend]

If you're getting gossip about your ex, do keep in mind they'll probably be free mg gossip about you back.

[Mxyzptlk]

Am I missing something or are people actually okay with the idea of a teacher/supervisor tapping out during lessons and leaving kids to their own devices?

[QuackPorridgeBacon]

I think you could make it an issue. If he sleeps in class then the kids will find that funny and or cool, I don’t think your son will get stick for it and, if he does then he should respond as pp mentioned above. The kids won’t get a ride and will back off. If he gets tired from a medical condition then I don’t think it’s his fault and he is still being hired so obviously not an issue. Stay out of it and don’t make it a problem for your child.

[Mrsmadevans]

I don't think you DC will get flak over your EX working in the same school. I mean if he is supply there then he won't be there all the time and even when he is there he wont be allowed to teach his own DC will he?

[loveheartsandchoc]

I don't think it's any of your business to be honest. It's his life and choice of employment. You are not in a relationship and don't get to tell him where he can or cannot work or comment on him falling asleep at work. This is not your place.
If he is that incompetent (doubt it since he has been asked back) he will get fired. I doubt you would like it if he tried to find out how competent you were at work and suggest that you quit...
Plus when you work through an agency you don't really get much choice you just have to go for the work you get. Surely instead of being embarrassed the DC should be happy that he has a job and is not unemployed? Especially given his health condition and struggle to find work.

[NewYearNewMe18]

BTW - your staff member who gossips - watch him/her - we all know what staff rooms are like

[NewYearNewMe18]

I really think you shouldn't interfere. You are making issues where none exist. I've always working in schools where there have been parent-teachers and it has never impacted on the pupil.

[theduchessstill]

There is no way ds1 would tell him he didn't want him working there. He would tell me, but not ex.

[SuperBeagle]

I'm sure if your children have a real issue with him working there, they will talk to him about it themselves. Your DS1, at least, is old enough to tell his father if he's got a problem with it.