Aibu to request neighbour to clean up our garden?

[IncredibleBulk]

I can see this disagreement turning nasty after walking past my neighbour today. I really don't want to cause any trouble.

Just moved in a few months ago to our house (detached) and on bonfire night neighbour did a firework display which was an hour long.

It didn't bother us in the slightest. We say hello and are friendly. Happy days.

I woke up the next day to find our whole back garden littered with off cuts from their display. The garden is quite big and the place was littered with disintegrated cardboard.

I thought 'that's annoying' but then didn't get to wound up about it because we had our garderner coming to clear up the mess that autumn brings (leaves and twigs everywhere).

Went out round the front to chuck some rubbish and noticed the front garden littered with the plastic heads from fireworks. Then I went to the back and noticed that the grass was littered with the mounts that the firework are attached to. Long thin wooden sticks, plastic arrow caps just everywhere . There was some in the ground just like you would throw a spear or javelin into grass. Have I explained that properly? Just long sticks about 30 - 40cm penetrated into our grass. By this point I was annoyed.

Went upstairs to get changed and then noticed our balcony on bedroom floor was littered with plastic.

I told my DP about it at breakfast. He jumped up and went outside to check the cars which I thought was OTT and then he came back inside looking really pissed off.

He told me both our cars had been pelted with the offcuts of their fireworks, looked like little stones had hit our cars all over. He went round to the neighbour's to telll them what had happened and I future if they could please let us know when they do displays so we can move our cars.

We were met with a defensive response. Comments such as:
'Well no one has ever complained before'
'So you're saying we can't do a firework display?'
'It's not our fault'

My DP responded kindly enough with 'yes, I get that no one has ever complained before but we are just asking that you tell us in future just so we can take necessary action to cover our cars' and 'we are not dictating what you can and can't do but please take our garden and cars into consideration' etc etc

Still very defensive.

The husband came round to look at the cars and said 'well we didn't throw any rocks into the firework display ' and generally didn't take responsibility for the mess and reluctantly apologised.

We were both a annoyed but reminded ourselves that gerderner was going to clean up.

We took both cars to get cleaned and luckily no scratch marks.

The next day and many days after that I noticed some bits of cardboard offcuts from the display had bits of stone and rocks nestled in them.

We've had half of our garden cleaned and the other half is being done next week. And I keep coming across bits of stones nestled in cardboard rolls. I've just realised that the fireworks do have rocks and stones in them and these are what pelted our cars.

We still have more of the fire work off cuts to clear up - and although the garden is half done the gardener wasn't able to pick all the bits up.

I walked past the neighbour today face on and he just blanked me. I smiled and as I was about to say 'hello' he looked straight ahead and just went.

And now I'm annoyed.

We were being as nice about it as we possibly could, we didn't ask them to clean up the mess they made in our garden nor our cars but they seem to have taken it really badly . We just asked them to tell us so we can move our cars.

I don't know how to handle it when they have another display. Without it getting really sour.

I don't want the argument but I don't want to pay for their mess either.

I don't want to spoil their fun but I don't want to be taken for a mug either.

Aibu here to think that?

[ShoesHaveSouls]

I think it's crazy that people are still allowed to buy fireworks and set them off in residential areas, or set them them off at all. Ban the sale of them, except for official displays.

[aaahhhBump]

Our dowm stairs neighbour used to have a display ever year (in our garden without permission). Our relationship is already strained due to other issues. She's a CF. I dumped it all on her door step. Wasn't just the stray papers there were the crates that get set off to and scorch marks on the grass.

[doodle01]

cars weren't burnt then
Yep carry on and your life will be hell as youll really piss them off and the atmosphere will be far worse than a bonfire full of old tyres

[IncredibleBulk]

Debris over fence, bagged up, wrapped up nicely with a bow and scrap the letter.

Got it!

Maybe keep the before and after pics? Just in case we have to prove something and it becomes their word against ours? No?

I would try the friendly approach again but the whole face like a smacked arse and cold shoulder thing I got today is enough to prevent me from trying.

I felt that we were reasonable enough and they took it to heart . It feels like it could be one of those relationships where they can do no wrong and if we ask them to re think they will get defensive and annoyed.

I can't do a relationship where we have to pussy foot around or accept annoying traits constantly in order to keep the peace.

Kindly laying boundaries of what is acceptable?

[LakieLady]

• I am shocked however that they as amateurs are allowed to set off fireworks (I assume you mean the rockets that go up and burst) in a residential neighborhood. It's a considerable fire hazard.
  
  In the US it has to be done by licensed firms and in such a way as to minimize the fire hazard.*
  
  I'm shocked that a country where it is legal to buy and carry guns is so strict about fireworks.
  
  And if you think UK firework laws are slack, I'd suggest you never visit Spain.

[IncredibleBulk]

Actually thinking about it - I think politeness just goes a long way.

Neighbour on the other side had a docile but humongous dog that kept coming into our garden and crapping everywhere.

We told them about it (I have a fear of dogs after being attacked by one) and they apologised profusely and said they'd watch out for her next time. We haven't seen the dog since.

We still speak to them as well!

And in response we cleaned up the mess without any hard feelings and paid to put up our own dog fence to prevent it happening again. Didn't even cross our minds to bill them! Or chuck the turd over the fence.

In hindsight it's clearly just the reaction of the neighbour that's annoyed me and DP.

Hmmm politeness does go a long way.

[doodle01]

OMG poor neighbours stop being so petty

[ferrier]

Poor neighbours???

[Shadow666]

Your neighbor is sulking. Who cares? Just leave them be. Youve done nothing wrong, they have.

[Originalfoogirl]

I'm shocked that a country where it is legal to buy and carry guns is so strict about fireworks
😂😂😂 good point.

Kinder Eggs banned in the US too. Dangerous for kids, apparently.

[Escapepeas]

I'm afraid I find all this letter writing, paying a gardener to clean up (really?) and taking before and after photos completely over the top. And the people telling the OP to throw it all over their fence? Jesus christ, it's no wonder everyone behaves like a shit when the default reaction to something as trivial as firework debris in your garden is aggression and confrontation.

I think you did the right thing by just clearing it up and getting on with life.

[worridmum]

dont bother to bag it up just pick it up into a bag and tip it over the fence so it litters their garden.

That is what i did in the past when neighbors had a fireworks display and did not realize how much rubbish it left in my garden.

[ahhhsalmonskinroll]

Just chuck it over their fence. It belongs to them anyway.

[TheCatsMother99]

OMG poor neighbours stop being so petty

Are you high?!

[AlonsosLeftPinky]

That's not true about having to have a license for fireworks in the US.

I've been in the states 3 times for independence day and each time I've encountered fireworks being sold at petrol stations.

[AlonsosLeftPinky]

Also, don't send a letter to your next door neighbour. It's utterly bizarre behaviour. Just have a conversation with them prior to bonfire night next year.

And fireworks don't contain rocks.

[differentnameforthis]

I'm shocked that a country where it is legal to buy and carry guns is so strict about fireworks. Yup, you can shot at people but don't burn the countryside!!

They don't have kinder surprises over there, either.

[24steve]

do what the first poster said - living in dispute with a neighbour can make your life hell, hold out the olive branch and be the bigger person.
but also perhaps you need to speak to your landlord and see what his views are, next year keep a very close eye on any display - if they throw anything into your garden take it up with them on the night.

[daisychain01]

I agree with pinky it is not true that US doesn’t allow consumer fireworks.

For a start, you can’t generalise about US because each state has its own laws.

Secondly on this US map, all the states marked with dark blue, fireworks are sold! The red marked states ban fireworks.

[daisychain01]

OP you sound very tolerant!

Every year I keep meaning to write to a few supermarkets to complain about them selling fireworks. They shouldn’t! There are so many excellent public displays nowadays there is absolutely no reason why supermarkets should create this problem, and yes it is largely down to them making fireworks available.

We went to a brilliant public display for £6 which was run by a professional firework company, and the fireworks must have cost them £1-2,000 but because it was such a popular event, they had the money to put on a good display and still have plenty for charities being supported.

[Intercom]

Is the Daily Fail onto this yet?

[Intercom]

YANBU. Any considerate neighbour would be apologising, clearing up, paying for any damages, and trying to make amends. Not getting defensive, trying to justify themselves and ignoring you!

What sort of fireworks were they? Most rockets etc. would go further than just next door’s garden.

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

In hindsight it's clearly just the reaction of the neighbour that's annoyed me and DP.

Totally this.

Had your neighbour said "Oh - I'm so sorry. I hadn't even thought about the debris affecting anyone else. I'll come and clean up/be more careful next year etc", you and your DH would have said - "Don't worry about the cleaning up, but if you can be more careful next year we'd really appreciate it." Then everything would have been ok.

But they didn't.

Was the neighbour on the other side them affected?

[bellabasset]

The fireworks being sold now have specific instructions on them regarding distances and safety. So I wonder if your NDN are responsible when letting them off. I don't understand why they did not warn you they were letting them off and explain safety precautions they take and also arrange to clear any debris.

In terms of safety I would have a quiet word with the fire officer next year and seek their advice. Our local junior school has an enormous display put on by trained staff, and there are certain fireworks they don't use such as catherine wheels and rockets. They still manage a very impressive and noisy display though. They back onto open farmland. I went to a party recently where there was a display of fireworks and again they were set off a field away.

I have lived in a house that was badly damaged by fire from the adjoining property so perhaps I am more cautious.

[Jux]

It’s a bit over the top, isn’t it? Most people would just clear up. Maybe if you’d just done that, they’d have seen and come over to help. You’ll never be friends now! Incomers is what you’d be called here, with a bit of a sneer.