To have DS there when I tell the leader?

[changeymcchangey]

My DS13 has been in a club for the last 3/4 years, and tonight’s the night. After managing to persuade him to keep it up for the last year plus, he is leaving.

I will tell the leaders tonight when I collect him. I’ve told him I want him to take part in a service on a Sunday, but that’s it done.

He is feeling awkward that I want him to be there when I tell the leaders, and he is to thank them for their time. He asked me to make an excuse about another activity he does, but I said no, he needs to just be honest. Honest is that he just doesn’t enjoy it, and I get that he will feel that’s not a nice thing to say.

Am I being unfair? I am hoping he might change his mind after a few weeks away, but for now, he’s had enough.

[speakout]

Poor kid is probably only carrying on to escape an excruciating encounter.

Good luck with the rest of the teenage years- you will need it.

[Ninjamilo]

Sounds like he'd rather stick with it than feel uncomfortable saying he wants to leave, that doesn't sound nice for him 🙁

[changeymcchangey]

No, he’s absolutely fine, just fickle. He came out laughing and carrying on, and asked to go to something that’s been organised for tomorrow that he he could easily have kept quiet about.

As I said, I wouldn’t have used the words “doesn’t like it/enjoy it”, that was bad writing on my part. But I wouldn’t have told an outright lie either, and I would have had him there to thank them.

Thanks for the replies.

[CauliflowerSqueeze]

He should be able to give whatever reason he feels comfortable with. He doesn’t have to tell the truth if that’s uncomfortable and potentially hurtful. When you decide not to go out with someone, you don’t have to say “well you see your breath stinks and you’re so boring I feel like I’m asleep when you talk”. Sometimes the truth is not the best way forward.

[doobeydoo]

I think I'd encourage him to think of what he has learned from the activity and make/buy a thank you card in which he writes something positive about his time there, and give it to them with a small gift. He just has to say he is moving on to other activities and he appreciates the leaders and all they've done for him and good luck!

[ittakes2]

Yes say thank you and it's time to move on - no need to say he doesn't enjoy it.

[somethingDifferent38]

(The OP has told us that he changed his mind and is no longer leaving now, so I think the need for advice on how to say goodbye has gone!)

[Glumglowworm]

Honestly with my Guides I'm just grateful if someone tells me the girl is leaving! I've never had a girl tell me, only the parents (and usually they don't even bother).

I always wish them well and if theyre "taking time out" and they're still the right age I say they're always welcome to come back. I wouldn't attempt to guilt trip the child or the parents, I know they have other things going on and they grow up and grow out of things.

Yes, DS should tell them himself and thank them but teenagers are perpetually embarrassed and awkward about such things, I don't think anyone would care if you do it for him.

[theymademejoin]

I think you were right to get him to speak to the leaders. Two of mine did an activity from age 9 and they gave it up at age 13/14. I insisted they speak to the coach themselves. It didn't involve any major explanations as I had already broken the news to the coach. It was more about thanking the coach for their help and guidance over the years and to say goodbye.

[NewBrian]

Probably just me but I’d let my child pretend they’d found another club/activity rather than just saying they don’t like it.