To wonder what he would do...?

[HelloSummerDays]

The ‘he’ being my husband that is.

I do all the housework (except the rare wash if he specifically wants something that is in the dirty basket and the occasional pot wash) I clean places my husband wouldn’t even think to clean!

I manage all of both of our finances, (he has absolutely no interest in it as long as he has the money he needs for the week / month) I’m pretty certain my husband has no idea what we pay each month and where it goes.

This is not meant to be a husband bashing post - I love my husband dearly, he is very patient, supportive, kind, he will get up and walk to the shop for me at the drop of a hat if I ask, he’s a brilliant father to our son and I wouldn’t swap him if the fittest, most perfect, richest, self sufficient man declares undying eternal love for me...

But I do wonder and worry slightly if I wasn’t around that he wouldn’t have the first clue...

Anyone else?

[BewareOfTheToddler]

Cross posted with AnathemaPulsifer !

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

He'd grow up and get on with it, live in filth, or find someone to do it for him.

[StaplesCorner]

Is everyone just meant to reply about how hilarious and cute it is that he is so hapless? - yes that's about the long and short of it.

Ridiculous. I have a neighbour who prides herself on doing everything, and I mean everything, from cooking and cleaning to repairing the car and decorating, with 3 kids whilst working full time. She has no other interests or conversation and I am not surprised. Yet she adores her husband and it seems to work for them, so hey, who cares (although she despairs of me because I work part time and expect my retired husband to do half of the house work objecting strongly when he doesn't).

[tigerdriverII]

Well that’s funny FenceSitter01. I don’t live in the 1950s. Thank goodness.

[peachgreen]

Fencesitter I don’t know a single couple who operate like this except my parents. DH and I have fully joint finances but we’re both completely aware of what’s going on and split the responsibility equally.** I couldn’t bear a man that didn’t have control over his own spending and who I had to give ‘golf/petrol/beer’ money.

[MammaTJ]

I am at the point where I am going to write passwords for all things, bank accounts, ebay, amazon etc in an envelope for DP and give it to adult DD, who would not touch it 100%! I have asked her if I can do this and she has agreed!

DP has his wages paid into my account. He has no clue as to how little or how much we have in my account. I have transferred money to hide it for Christmas. This could be seen as abusive, but I see it as protecting my childrens christmas!

[DiegoMadonna]

Fencesitter I'm pretty sure it depends on your social circle, because none of my friends live like that.

[AdoraBell]

If this was my DH he would just get on with everything. He lived alone between first and second marriages, so I know he is capable.

[Oysterbabe]

You really should change your passwords regularly Mamma.

[WorraLiberty]

Jesus Fencesitter, your 'real world' is nothing like mine thank goodness.

[WhooooAmI24601]

In my head DH would waste away without my delightful housekeeping skills to keep him and the DCs alive but since I'm currently lounging on the sofa while he washes up after supper (having already cleaned out the rabbits, fed the dog, put the DCs to bed and generally just got shit done) I suspect he'd be rather good at the whole adult-man-taking-care-of-everything.

MIL did everything for DH when he lived at home. He'd never cleaned, ironed, washed his own underpants or cooked a meal. He learned. He got on with it and is a successful, independent man confident in pretty much everything he does. I don't think I could have married him if he'd been one of those cliched inept fools who can't fend for themselves. I've been looking after myself since leaving home for and Uni and would struggle to respect someone who wasn't capable of the same.

The only thing he can't do that I can is mechanical stuff for the car and DIY. But that's because my Dad was a bit of a terror when I was a teenager and said all women must know how to take care of their house and their motor so they don't have to rely on anyone else.

[Only1scoop]

What.do.you.think.he.would.do.Op??

[WhooooAmI24601]

In the real world, the one outside internet forums, it is normal for people to have joint accounts with one person doing the over all control of them, normally the woman. Man works, man hands money to wife, wife spends money, wife gives husband golf/petrol/beer money. Man knows wife is penny wise and pound conscious and makes all decisions.

This has to be the biggest load of bollocks I've read on here this month. In adult land where DH and I reside we are both in equal control of our finances. Which is what normal families do.

Also, I'm the least penny wise person on earth. So no, I don't give DH pocket money for beer or golf. Because he's a grown up and if he wants to spend 5 grand a year on golf club membership that's his cup of tea not mine. So long as our bills are paid and we've a roof over our heads I won't be his keeper.

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

I used to have to keep control of all my xhs finances. Otherwise he spent it all. Now I'm single and don't have to tolerate a manchild.

[PlaymobilPirate]

My aunt was like you - did everything financial etc for 55 years. They had no children and she passed away first... it was hell. My uncle couldn't do a thing for himself and relied very heavily on us for everything... phone calls at 4am asking us if he owed anyone money (he didnt, he was comfortable financially and i sorted all his bills etc)

He worried endlessly, wanted us there 24 7 and died 3 years later miserable and with us at near breaking point.

Op do him (and your children) a favour and sort this out now.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

FenceSitter01 Bless you sweetness. I don't think you do know people like that. I think your life might be like that and you know it's not right so you're getting a bit prickly about the waves of sensible women who have told OP she's a sap and now you know you are too.

Take a deep breath and have some sweet tea. We can help you see the light.

[SweetCrustPastry]

I'm with FarontothemaddingCrowd We worked like this and it was ok - annoying but ok, until we had a period of ill health which greatly reduced our family income. He felt so sorry for himself because we were broke, that he took to spending money we didn't have to cheer himself up. Like your DH he had absolutely no idea how much was in our account. He didn't care - just treated it like it would fill itself up. As a result we are now in terrible debt. It has destroyed our marriage. He is a terrible role model for our son. We are crippled by debt. I cannot remember the last time there was any pleasure in deciding what to spend on. He still buys himself treats and has rattled through a nest egg we were recently given. It was enough to pay for some repairs we need that he tells me are a priority. But he has frittered it away with nothing to show for it in just a few weeks. Do your whole family a favour and stop treating him/allowing him to behave like a child. You never know what the future holds.

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

You're on world wide open forum where people's opinions will differ, some people will pussy foot around.
Others are more honest though and will tell you exactly how it is.
That's the risk you take on aibu.
Im a sensitive soul. I have no problem admitting that therefore I wouldn't start a thread on aibu.

[abbsisspartacus]

Move in with his mom like my ex has and refuse to leave till he has someone else to take care of him

Crack on with things like my dad did

they both have the knowledge of how to take care of themselves it suited my dad to let mom do everything as he worked 12 hour night shifts my ex was lazy about money and everything else so I picked up the slack we have been split three years his family have just paid his debts off and are "sorting his finances out deciding what if any child support I get"

[nadaMail]

Same here @FenceSitter01

Whilst it isn't me doing all the housework (we have a cleaner), it is me who does the household finances. He has other tasks which I wouldn't have a clue how to do.

I have no idea why that makes either of us pathetic.

[Teutonic]

Imagine if this was written by a man?
Hello ladies. I'm married to a woman who does absolutely everything for me. All I have to do is go to work each day in clothes that she has washed and ironed for me, before coming home to a meal that she has cooked for me. Once I have finished eating I settle back into my chair to watch t.v while she washes the dishes.
I interact with the kids by asking them how school was that day. Occasionally I help them to build their Lego spaceship. I think I am a great role model for my kids and hope that my son's can find a mug to marry and my daughter's can be mugs like their mum.
Sometimes I will go to the shop for my wife if she is up to her elbows in soap suds or busy bathing the kids. She gives me the money for the shop because I can't be arsed with all that finance shite.
I adore my wife because she does absolutely everything domestic and runs about after me like the idiot that she is.
Lately she has been making some rumblings about how I will cope if she dies. Well that's easy, I'll simply pack the kids off to grannies until mug no2 moves in. Granny will also ensure that my laundry is done, the house is clean and I have a hot meal waiting for me.
Sorry it took so long to type, but its difficult keeping my knuckles off the floor and typing at the same time.
Thanks for listening.
Mr Ivor Greatlife.

[Reppin]

nadaMail because if you truly believe there are tasks your husband can do that you can't, you are indeed being pathetic. What happens if he dies?

[BenLui]

I have to say even though we have things in the house that only one of us tends to do hat doesn’t mean the other one couldn’t do them if necessary.

Eg I hate cutting the lawn but can do it if necessary.

There’s nothing that needs done for the D.C. that DH couldn’t manage. I taught him how to do ponytails for DD when she was little.

A man that can’t look after himself and his children isn’t very attractive in my view. (And I’d say the same if it was a useless woman.)

[SilverSpot]

In the real world, the one outside internet forums, it is normal for people to have joint accounts with one person doing the over all control of them, normally the woman. Man works, man hands money to wife, wife spends money, wife gives husband golf/petrol/beer money. Man knows wife is penny wise and pound conscious and makes all decisions.

Ha ha fucking ha it isn't the 1920's man down t'pit handing over his wekly wage packet any more!

What a dumb post. I honestly can't believe you think 'normal' people live like this.

More fool you fools for mothering lazy man-children. Rod. Back. Bed. Made.