Inheritance- AIBU?

[CliffRichardsPenIs]

Sorry it's another inheritance one.

My uncle died when I was about 13 and left about £40,000 to my parents with the express wish that the money be used to support me and my siblings in university

It caused friction at the time as I had cousins of a similar age but my uncle didn't think they'd go to university so left them nothing.

Anyway, neither of my siblings went to university but I did. So I asked my parents if I could have £20,00 to clear my student debt.

They said no, that's unfair to your siblings. I said fine and asked them to split the money three ways so I could address my student debt but my siblings also got some of the money.

They said no, they've basically spent it and invested it.

I asked them about this given that my uncle had expressly wanted the money to support our education. Apparently, no, that money was to support us to do, and I quote "whatever we wanted" in life.

I'm not convinced because if that was the case, why not leave any for my cousins?

Moreover, okay, let's accept that as true. What I wanted to do was go to university but, apparently, nope, no money there to support that.

I know that my uncle should have put the money in a trust or similar for us so my parents couldn't just adopt it as theirs. I just feel quite bitter than my uncle (who I loved and got on with really well) left money for our education but I'm now looking at a massive student debt.

So, AIBU here? I guess technically I am as the money is technically my parents. But I feel like morally, I'm being perfectly reasonable!

[bridgetreilly]

I think your parents have behaved very badly. Even if the will left them the freedom to do what they did with the money, they absolutely should have explained that to you and your siblings, instead of letting you go on assuming that there was this pot of money for your university education. That's really unkind. For what it's worth, I think a fair thing for them to do would have been to split the money between you and your siblings for you each to choose what you most want to do with.

But I absolutely agree with DarthMaiden - do not engage lawyers on this, no matter what the will actually said. I'd get a copy of it because my curiosity wouldn't let me rest without it, but acting on it is only going to cause more trouble for almost no chance of financial gain for anyone except the lawyers.

[Mix56]

do your siblings remember what was said at the time?

[silkpyjamasallday]

I would find out for my own peace of mind, but pursuing it is just going to cause all manner of grief and potentially cost you more than you'll gain. Realistically most people have student debt so you don't need to pay it all off in one go, just stick with the terms you signed when you took the loans. It is very very frustrating for you though OP. It was despicable of your parents to do what they wanted for the money if it was indeed intended for your education.

We have had a bit of a palaver over an inheritance, as it was agreed between the deceased and a relative that they would hold a substantial portion of the money due to DP (I think this was to avoid more tax tbh) but would release it to him for buying property etc. Said relative has now decided the money is hers to keep, and it is the difference between us buying outright or having a mortgage, which currently we can't get as DP and I have poor credit. This relative has no mortgage, no dependants and a huge pension, she does not need the money at all, it's just pure greed. But it wasn't agreed in writing so there is nothing we can do other than fume. Money brings out the worst in people sadly, and shows that most people are inherently selfish.

[DunkMeInTomatoSoup]

If it isnt in the will, then no matter what chit-chat was idley said, its not legally binding.

[shallichangemyname]

Maybe it was left in trust, under the terms of the Will. OP doesn't know without seeing it.
If there was a trust then OP would have a cause of action against the trustees (who are probably her parents).
Alternatively, it might have been expressed in a "letter of wishes" that was kept with the Will which expresses the testator's wishes but has no legal standing. Some people do them simply to explain why they've made certain bequests and in the hope that it will avoid any shitstorm/the legal recipients of the money will do the right thing morally.

[Meandyouandyouandme]

Thanks MyKingdom

[DarthMaiden]

To those saying the parents were selfish/greedy etc then maybe consider another perspective.

They had already experienced the upset and anger the bequest caused in relation to the OP’s cousins not being included and a fallout between the OP’s Aunt/Uncle.

Perhaps by spending/investing the money on the whole family they were actively trying to avoid the scenario being replayed by the next generation?

It’s not an insignificant sum of money - but equally when being compared to a lifetime of potential earnings neither is it huge. If the OP has a relatively good relationship with her family I’m not convinced the balance of sacrificing those relationships is worth what in future years could be a years salary. Especially considering the fallout could well play out a generation further with the OP having to explain to her children why they don’t see their grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins.

Regarding the “principle” - yes it’s possible to argue (whether written in the will or articulated verbally) that the OP should be the beneficiary of this money.

The other way of looking at it is to ask if this bequest in itself was fair, equitable and morally right - and as such by pursuing her Uncles wishes on it as a matter of “principle”, following the best, fairest and most moral course of action?

[MrsPinkCock]

@DarthMaiden has it pretty much spot on. I spent a lot in legal fees defending a contested will, although we won in the end.

However I’d add that it doesn’t matter too much what the will says, unless you’re prepared to sue your parents.

If the money was legally required to go to you, they’ve broken your trust. If it wasn’t, but you are aware that your uncle always intended for that to happen, they’ve still broken your trust. The only difference between the two scenarios is that you have the right to sue your parents (and sadly probably be disinherited as a result).

Your parents are completely in the wrong though. YANBU to be pissed that they’ve spent your inheritance, whether it was legally supposed to go to you or not!

[CliffRichardsPenIs]

Thanks everyone. You've given me loads of food for thought about this. I think I'm going to get the Will just to see what it says but I think you're all right, trying legal recourse to get the money will be more hassle (and cost) than it's worth.

Thank you

[LeavesinAutumn]

Cliff you have absolutely no idea whether it will be expensive to get the money back because you have not seen the will!

Its no big deal to order the will and no one knows either.

If it stipulates it goes to you and siblings it might not be hard and diffcult there is any number of things it can say that may not be hard to fight, get the will and see what it says!

[LeavesinAutumn]

darth

then ops parents can explain that. Op get the will - go from there, of course you would not have to go whole hog on suing them but if it does stipulate that you were to be given that money perhaps you can use that as a tool to get some help for your fees. Or at the very least an apology and proper explanation from your parents.

[Belleoftheball8]

I wouldn't be surprised if your parents split the money with their siblings and treated their dc to holidays and investments in their individual households. It what I would have done to create fairness rather than pitting cousins against each other it's blantant favourism. That was really poor form on your uncle and I would have not been party to such bad treatment of family.

[Mix56]

they will not have split with uncle/aunt, you would have heard & the cousins wouldn't be frosty.
I think if your own brother/sister remember the proviso, "its for the Dc for their education fees", your parents will no longer be able to lie about it.
at least at some point they could hand it over before it gets eaten up by inheritance tax.
anyway try & get a copy of the will.

[Belleoftheball8]

They could have easily split it although the damage was done by the uncle by putting conditions with his inheritance it completely informed them of his true feelings towards them it was actually pretty manipulative behaviour.

[Dowser]

Thanks music
I would love to know what was in exh will but it didn't go to probate.

[KeepItAsItIs]

Keep us updated OP.

[KrytensNanobots]

Agree with why would you ask for £20,000 in the first place as that's more than your share.
Smacks of greed.
Also, I can''t get worked up over what people should and shouldn't be left in wills and what people think they are entitled to money wise.
If you're left something, lovely, if not, so what?
Seen people fall out over wills before and cause huge family rifts and non contact situations, and it's stupid.

[HicDraconis]

I agree you need to get hold of the Will to see exactly how things were phrased. I also agree you need to think carefully about whether or not to pursue things any further once you have read it.

This bit made me laugh though -
It'd be like checking your parents weren't going to move house and not tell you while you were away at university- just not necessary
DH's mother sold the house and went travelling while he was away at Uni. While away, she met someone in the US, married them and stayed there. She didn't tell DH - he only found out about it after the event because she had to tell him he couldn't go home at the end of term.

[elessar]

I feel for you OP, and I think your parents have behaved badly.

I don't agree with the posters saying 'well you got a nice holiday and a warm house' - well the warm house would have been something that the parents would have had to pay for anyway as normal living expenses, and the holiday would only be remotely fair if it was presented to the children and they were given the choice for a 'trip of a lifetime' or getting financial support for university.

It sounds as if your parents have basically taken the money to benefit mainly themselves - are they planning to give you anything from the investment funds?

I don't think you are entitled to half the 40k, but it would not be unreasonable to hope for your share of 1/3rd of the pot to help pay your university debts.

But that said, you could destroy your relationship with your parents if you pursue it, so it's a really difficult situation and one which you might need to accept if you don't want to create a further rift in the family.

[Dairymilkmuncher]

Something similar happened with me and my split parents. There was nothing left when I became an adult, nothing! But no money in the world (and it was a lot more than £40k) could be worth losing the remaining parent over.

I would try your best just forget about it, if they've invested wisely and have a paid off house or life insurance what's meant to come to you will do one day. And even though I never went to uni we are still paying off my parentheses student loan I think that's just life now but the fact he was a graduated meant he could earn a lot more than me.

[whiskyowl]

£20,000 is not necessarily more than her share- if they money was all supposed to go on university fees, and no other siblings went, she's actually owed the entire £40k.

I suspect, however, that the wording of the will will simply leave the money to the parents, in which case there will be no legal case to argue this. I don't quite understand the choices of a parent who would spend money earmarked for their childrens' education, but I am not walking in their shoes so don't want to judge too harshly.