Inheritance- AIBU?

[CliffRichardsPenIs]

Sorry it's another inheritance one.

My uncle died when I was about 13 and left about £40,000 to my parents with the express wish that the money be used to support me and my siblings in university

It caused friction at the time as I had cousins of a similar age but my uncle didn't think they'd go to university so left them nothing.

Anyway, neither of my siblings went to university but I did. So I asked my parents if I could have £20,00 to clear my student debt.

They said no, that's unfair to your siblings. I said fine and asked them to split the money three ways so I could address my student debt but my siblings also got some of the money.

They said no, they've basically spent it and invested it.

I asked them about this given that my uncle had expressly wanted the money to support our education. Apparently, no, that money was to support us to do, and I quote "whatever we wanted" in life.

I'm not convinced because if that was the case, why not leave any for my cousins?

Moreover, okay, let's accept that as true. What I wanted to do was go to university but, apparently, nope, no money there to support that.

I know that my uncle should have put the money in a trust or similar for us so my parents couldn't just adopt it as theirs. I just feel quite bitter than my uncle (who I loved and got on with really well) left money for our education but I'm now looking at a massive student debt.

So, AIBU here? I guess technically I am as the money is technically my parents. But I feel like morally, I'm being perfectly reasonable!

[Bibidy]

Tbh even if you get a copy of the will and you're correct, is it really worth causing the amount of upset trying to force your parents to pay out will undoubtedly incur?

Central heating for the house and a big family holiday are still things that benefited you and your siblings. Perhaps your parents realised that your two siblings probably wouldn't go to uni so decided to do something for all of you instead of focusing on that.

I don't think it's the best idea to cause (probably) uproar for the sake of a student loan.

[Hissy]

If you think you've been conned, it's as bad as knowing for sure. If his will says to do whatever you wanted to do, tbh it's still on shaky ground as they decided what that whatever was.

[CliffRichardsPenIs]

Darth That's a really well-considered post, thank you.

[GinisLife]

I may be wrong but I did think you couldn't leave conditions on a bequest. Even if it's written in the will as "I want you to use the money for your kids uni fees" your parents don't have to do it. Money is left free and clear of tie

[Dowser]

If a will didn't go to probate can you still get a copy

[Cleo22]

I suggest that you repost in legal. There is some very good advice there.

[Dowser]

I do wish people writing wills would be much clearer about their wishes.

[musicform]

You need to know the wording of the will - if there was a grant you can get a copy online for £10/20. If it was left to your parents with the wish it be used for uni - its theirs. if it was left in trust for you and siblings with the wish it be used for uni - they have stolen funds from the trust

[Sprinklestar]

Get a copy of the will first. If it says money was for you, then someone hasn't acted fairly or appropriately. There's legal redress in that instance. But until you have the facts in front of you, all this is hypothetical.

[JohnHunter]

If it was written into the will, I'd have thought that your parents only ever held the money "in trust" for you anyway. Did your parents support you at all through university?

[DarthMaiden]

I agree Dowser - but even then, in this case I can’t help but feel such terms were unfair and likely to cause resentment.

It’s a nice idea to leave money for uni education - but it implies a lesser worth to those whose career aspirations may be more vocational and not degree oriented.

As much as being explicit in the terms of a will I think people also need to put more thought into the potential angst/sense of unfairness that such stipulations might cause - otherwise something intended to be a gift can cause lasting resentment and prove to be little more than a burden to the beneficiaries.

[JohnHunter]

Actually, after reading DarthMaiden's and Bibidy's posts, I probably wouldn't ask for a copy of the will if you are otherwise on good terms with your parents.

[Parsley1234]

My grandfather did the same for me left money in trust but the interest to be used for private education my parents spent the interest and made up some nonsense about it. It’s pretty poor when it happens and made me doubt my parents integrity

[weaselmummy]

Did your parents pay you an allowance or any of your living expenses whilst at uni? If so, then they could presumably argue that you did get the money (or at least a proportion of it) this way? Or were you entirely self supporting? If the latter, it is v unfair, if the former I have some sympathy for them given the huge chunk of income it is going to take to give my kids their allowance for living expenses when the time comes.

[Penfold007]

You can search for and find a will here: probatesearch.service.gov.uk/#wills
Until you know exactly what the will stipulated you can't really decide what if any action you might want to take.

[musicform]

You can only get a will if its been submitted for probate - usually where there is a property or high net worth of the estate. Otherwise, if you know who held the will (provided it wasn't home made) you may be able to get a copy from them

[CliffRichardsPenIs]

They didn't give me an allowance when I was at university. They bought me two laptops and used to take me food shopping every time they visited (once or twice a term).

I completely agree Darth I used to be really close to my cousins but since my uncle died and left them nothing because he assumed they wouldn't go to university, our relationship has been tense

I'm leaving everything to the bloody cat sanctuary. My remaining family might think I'm tight but at least they all don't benefit equally

[Ploppie4]

I guess the uncle meant education in the widest sense. Not just uni. It should have been split 3 ways. I recon your uncle had a soft spot for your siblings and not your cousins

[Cleo22]

If you want your money to go to the cat's home make a will NOW or your parents will inherit everything. www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will

[Vitalogy]

If I was you OP, I'd have to find out for sure. If the money was meant for you and your siblings, it was meant for that reason, no other reason as far as I'd be concerned.

[LeavesinAutumn]

There is no point speculating until op gets a copy of the will, I think its been said you can even do it now on line.

once you have that it will be much clearer.

[Vitalogy]

If you want your money to go to the cat's home make a will NOW IMHO that's always a shitty thing to do, and I say that as a cat lover, FGS at least give it to a children's charity.

[Meandyouandyouandme]

Does anyone know if you apply for a copy of someone’s will, whether the beneficiaries will be notified?

[MyKingdomForBrie]

What Darth said. You it a warm home and a good holiday, ok I don’t think your parents morally should have done that but nor do I particularly judge them. You have debts because you have received a benefit that you’ve had to pay for - that’s fair.

I would never have asked for 20k in the first place - it’s more than your fair share regardless of what your siblings have done re uni to date.

[MyKingdomForBrie]

meand no one will be notified.