To feel like a failure my newborn. I can't even choose a fucking swaddle.

[bottlesandcans]

New mum here. Feeling very vulnerable. Baby is constantly in my arms or in a sling. Cries the moment I put her down even if she's in a deep sleep, she'll wake.

She's 3 weeks old and almost 8lbs but I couldn't find a swaddle today in mothercare because she started screaming. Please can someone help me?

[PressPaws]

You're doing a great job. Settling a baby isn't easy, I struggle with DS because he smells my milk and gets confused. And he's my second baby! I still don't 100% know what I'm doing because a lot of it is trial and error.

I agree with other posters who said get a Love to Dream swaddle suit. Super easy to use, stops them waking from the startle reflex, and keeps their hands up so they can suck on them.

Your baby's digestive system still hasn't properly matured so it can be really hard for them to stay settled lying down. This gets easier as the weeks pass. DS couldn't be put down either, he's 14 weeks now and slept an 8 hour stretch in his bassinet the other night. I never thought I'd see that happen.

It will definitely get better, I promise. Hang in there

[abigailgabble]

It will get easier! I had to abandon a full trolley in Sainsbury’s not that long ago because my baby lost. the. Plot. and not for the first time. my DP works away and we needed food!! He’s getting better as it’s getting easier.... and yes online shopping is your friend which doesn’t help when you are bored and lonely all day I know.

[MollyWantsACracker]

I used a storch wrap sling and learned to lightly warm the mattress with a small hot water bottle (not hot hot!!) whip it away then when gently lowering sleeping smallie into bed. This mostly worked. I think it was the change in temperature that woke her after lying on a nice warm body all day long.

You're doing great OP. Hang in there

[IfNot]

Not sure what a swaddle is but I do remember the 1st 6 weeks as being hell.
One foot in front of the other and concentrate on just getting though. it gets much easier. Oh, and check her for reflux (ask the gp/paediatrician) as that can be a reason for not wanting to be put down.

[BakedBeans47]

Oh bless you. She’s only tiny, and you’re new to the job - be kind to yourself!

My eldest loved being swaddled, I just used a sheet xx

[BlackeyedSusan]

at three weeks with dd I was still in bed due to still bleeding, she was feeding 20 times a day.. sleeping in stretches too short for me to drop off, she would not be put down, reacted to the antibiotics that I was given for stitches,

though I did swaddle her with a sheet... proobably not recomended now..

and the nearly fallingout of the nursing chair... as I had fallen asleep upright with dd on my lap. fed sitting up in bed after that, dd used to sleep across my knees.

[Blueskyrain]

I recommend the gro snug as a first swaddle. If they don't like it, you simply unpop the arms and it turns into a grobag, so you haven't wasted your money.

[RaeCJ82]

Oh Bottles
I have a 4 month old and things are sooooo much easier now. I described the first few months to someone the other day as walking through a fog that gradually clears.
I had a c section too and found it incredibly hard at first. I'd sit feeding her at night with tears running down my face, doubting whether motherhood was for me. Hang in there and try to enjoy her (I know, easier said than done).
I don't have any swaddle advice but I just wanted to offer some reassurance.

[pastabest]

I was still getting everything delivered at 4 months never mind 3 weeks! The very fact you actually made it out of the house to mothercare is an achievement.

You sound quite low though, have you got plenty of support? I remember week 3 being hard as all the visitors had pretty much dried up, midwives, health visitors etc had pretty much signed you off and DP was busy working. Suddenly it all felt very real and SHIT WHAT HAVE I DONE This screaming child is now my responsibility forever and I don't even know how to look after it.

Sound familiar?

[MumW]

I feel your pain. DD1 was the same. It's really, really hard in those early days but you can get through it. Learn to accept help when it is offered - it took me a good few months to realise that I wasn't a failure if I let MIL take her out in the pram for an hour.

I found a trick that sometimes worked. I'd lie the moses basket mattress on the bed, lay her on it a wrap them in a sheet. Then I'd lie next to her to breast feed and let her feed to sleep. If I was really lucky, I could lift the whole bundle into the basket and grab a nap.

[rainbowduck]

What every one else says. This is normal. My third was so clingy, I used to sleep, sitting up, with him on my chest!

This got me through it.

www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/000458.html


I think you sound like an absolutely wonderful mum. X

[Kpo58]

I totally failed with trying to swaddle DD when she was a newborn. I swear midwives have a entire term just learning how to do it (and how do they make any baby stop crying within a couple of minutes?! ).

It might be worth seeing if your local children's centre has any group sessions for new mums? You can then learn tips off each other and feel a little more human seeing other people in real life.

[Spudlet]

It will be ok, it will get better, and you are doing a brilliant job.

Do you have anyone in RL to support you?

[ParadiseCity]

OP you are not a failure. You are awesome

[haveacupoftea]

This phase will pass soon. I spent the first 12 weeks of DS life in a half dream state with him attached to my chest. Have you tried the sleepyhead? I used a cocoonababy and it was fab but I hear lots of good things about the sleepyhead too.

[IWouldLikeToKnow]

My advise is definitely buy a sling/carrier. I used the Beco Gemini with my little man. I also swaddled using the Aden & Anais “easy swaddle”. He couldn’t get it loose or move in it. In the normal swaddle blankets they would always come loose as he was always moving about. We then moved in to the Love to Dream “swaddle up” bit this did allow a little movement at his arms but this was at about 10/12 weeks.
It’s really the most difficult and overwhelming time when baby won’t settle and you’re exhausted and emotional and can’t even think straight. I swear I had my boy in my arms for about 7 months straight.
Good luck and keep up the good work.

[BrawneLamia]

One of my dc loved being swaddled, the other one hated it. So definitely worth a try. We had the summer infant ones - velcro is easier than trying to wrap them in a sheet when you are sleep deprived.

Definitely shop online from now on.

Dc2 would only sleep if I held him for the first six months. He's a very confident toddler now (who admittedly still prefers to be cuddled to sleep).

[Albandra]

The swaddle prob won't make any difference, you'll still have to carry your baby around all the time, but I get the frustration of not being able to go shopping. Slings are great though. My DD couldnt stop screaming if I put her down for 1 second, I got a few slings and that helped. I struggled because I couldnt sleep but I just got on with it. It felt like torture, like one really long never ending day. My 2nd one is now 7 weeks and the irony is I'm trying to enjoy and treasure these first few weeks/months because they don't last long!!!

[shakingmyhead1]

oops i mean to say CANT* spoil her

[shakingmyhead1]

Dont panic, you are doing great, remember she hasnt been alone for the whole 9 months she was growing its only natural she wants to be with mum, If she wants/needs to be held its all good too ( unless you need to pee :P)
i didnt swaddle with any of mine, you dont have to, but you can use a cloth nappy or a muslin if need be, i think cloth nappies have been used in hospitals since the dawn of time.
you can also put your nighty or a well worn, unwashed top over her mattress, ( tucked tight) so she can smell you , that might help with settling, some people swear by that one, also things like a lulla doll or white noise machines are said to work really well with settling babies.
Try not to stress too much about it, you can spoil her and dont listen to anyone who says you can

[orangeowls]

I got these, amazon prime has saved me as a new mum!!


https://www.amazon.co.uk/Swaddle-Blanket-Adjustable-Baby-Ziggy/dp/B01I1WGMJ6/ref=sr11_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1507583228&sr=8-5&keywords=Swaddle

[Fruitcorner123]

Echo everyone else's sentiments that this will pass soon enough. They don't need to settle themselves at such a young age it's an old fashioned opinion that you are creating a rod for your own back so just rely on the sling. Are you happy with your sling?

Concentrate in going to groups and meeting other mums. This will soon help you feel better about things.

What's she like at night time? Does she sleep in your bed?

[Raver84]

I have 4 age 7 down to 4 months and what you are describing has been every one of mine. The only advise I can offer is a sling or carrier. When it got bad I would walk round the garden and get some fresh air if I couldn't make it to the park or for a walk , the air will do you and bubs good. You are not a failure. She loves you and wants you close at all time. 4 th trimester. Try and go with the flow and enjoy the cuddles by 12 weeks this stage will be a memory. X

[lurkingnotlurking]

It's so hard at the beginning with the first. I worried about everything, my anxiety was probably too high, and I had to learn everything from scratch. Sometimes I looked at other mums in the park with older children and thought 'they got there. So can I'. It gets so much easier. Your baby wants you in all of your perfections or (in your eyes) imperfections. You're all your baby needs. You can't break them /create bad habits so just go with it. And go easy on yourself.

[mygorgeousmilo]

She's still so so teeny and young. I don't think I put any of mine down for the first few months. They were always held. They aren't clingy weirdos now, I don't believe you can spoil a newborn. You aren't failing, you're knackered. Feed laying down, order food shopping online, order a swaddle online. Take it easy.