Is my relationship really that strange with my family?

[Generallyok]

I live in the same street as my parents. I'm really close to my mum and always have been. I am blessed that my husband gets on really well with my parents too and has always been happy for them to come around for a meal once a week, share holidays together and generally be a big part of our lives. They are amazing grandparents and my children love them dearly. Recently other people including family said that they think it is odd to be so involved in each other's lives. Does anyone else live like this or am I odd not to have a more distant relationship with my family?

[cakecakecheese]

Who cares what other people think is or isn't strange, if it works for you and everyone is happy then that's the main thing.

[danslenoir]

Not strange but very lucky.

I don't get along with my mum AT ALL. In fact, we live on different continents. I have no family in this country except for a second cousin once removed. But I like it this way.

[SloeSloeQuickQuickGin]

This board isn't reflective of the norm, OP. most people live in a perfectly normal functioning relationship where the MIL isnt the anti christ, your mother isnt some narc harpie with a drink problem, your dad isnt habitually shagging a succession of secretaries ..... and yes, this si a shocker, extended families drop in unannounced, have door keys, baby sit, and it's not some massively ridiculous over stepping of boundaries for your mother to wash up your dishes &/or peg out your smalls if she sknows you are at work and the weather has changed. I live in London not some obscure village. I dont know anyone who doesnt have the daily (weekly at worst) drop in relationship with parents and ILs. We still mix in a social circle with people from school ; friends of 40+ years standing, we drop in on each others parents and invite them out to family functions.

[Sugarpiehoneyeye]

OP, don't listen to the naysayers, if they weren't whinging about that, it would be something else.
Your family life sounds lovely ! 😄

[Ivy79]

Not odd at all. Sounds lovely. I wish my kids lived closer sometimes - they live around 25-35 miles away, because I live quite rural. I do see them 2 or 3 times a month though, and speak most days on twitter or facebook.

The people poo-pooing you are probably just a bit jealous.

Your family sound proper old fashioned and it's lovely!

The days of people living near to each other (like they do on soap operas) is quite rare, as people move away for jobs etc, or because they met someone at uni, and moved to the uni town, or the town their partner is from (or somewhere in between..) So I think it's wonderful when family live close-ish (and get on of course!)

Several of my neighbours aged 30-45-ish, have their parents, and a sibling, and also a few nieces and nephews, all within this village, and I actually quite envy them. All our family (what little we have,) lives abroad, or 100s of miles away - including our brothers (1 each,) who live overseas with their kids. We are lucky if we see them once a year. (Though we speak via social media on a fairly regular basis, and share photos etc.)

As I said though, we do see our (adult) children roughly 3 or 4 times a month. And we have several aunts and several cousins between us who we see about 5-6 times a year, who live 60ish miles away.

[Nowifi]

I live near my parents and in laws I see both regularly and really love it, handy for babysitting aswell

[MatildaTheCat]

My situation is different but similar in a way. Dh and I both come from families of 4 siblings and werebparented in a pretty similar fashion. We've been married a long time. Although we live closer to his family we get on really well with everyone. All siblings are married with dc most of whom are young adults and yes, we get on with all of them, too.

In short, our families are that, ours. Not his and mine. I actually didn't realise how uncommon this is until relatively recently.

[Camomila]

I think it's maybe a little bit unusual by English standards (more people seem to move away from hometowns for uni/work) but it's perfectly normal by my Italian standards. Almost all my friends/cousins live about 5 mins away from either their mums or MILs and see them several times a week. I'm a bit jealous :)

[Ceto]

I'd just be careful about assuming that your husband is as happy about this as you think. Are you sure that he wouldn't really prefer to have holidays without your parents tagging on, for instance? Doesn't it tend to limit what you can do and where you go if you have to take their preferences into account?

[Lottapianos]

Mummy, I relate to your post SO MUCH. I get it from both parents and in laws. Moving away is some kind of hideous betrayal apparently. It means you don't love them anymore. Nice girls, good girls don't move away apparently, they just live in their parents pockets forever. So much blame and judgement and martyrdom

And yes yes to the long journey to become yourself. I decided a few years ago, through psychotherapy, that I have to choose between my own mental health or my mother's. There cannot be both. I choose me

[Mamabear4180]

My dad has lived with me since he split with my stepmum 6 years ago, I'm single with 3 kids and he's hands on with them. We do holidays and days out together etc. I couldn't really be much closer to my dad! My mum lives 500 miles away (they slit when I was tiny) so although we talk on the phone and message each other we are by distance less close. When we do meet up we enjoy spending as much time together as possible.

I'm one of 4 siblings all less than 2 years apart in age. The biggest age gap between us is 19 months! We were always very close, my sister died 18 months ago so it's just me and my 2 brothers now. We all live in different areas but my oldest brother rings me every other weekish for a chat and my other older brother is less chatty but we always have fun when we meet up.

I have a half sister whose 13 years younger than me and we're pretty much like best friends. I find it hard to understand other people's family problems and always feel really sorry for people who aren't close with theirs (if it bothers them).

[Ivy79]

What a very sad post above from @Lottapianos

I (and my DH) would NEVER make our kids feel bad for moving away. I mean they are only half an hour anyway, but they are talented and gifted professionals, who are both in careers that they can't have in a tiny village miles from anywhere. So obviously they have to live 25-30 miles away Doesn't bother us. Or them.

I take a very dim view of people 'making their kids feel bad' for wanting their own lives. All that will do is cause resentment and bitterness.

[2ducks2ducklings]

I see my parents and siblings nearly every single day. My husband works with my dad and brother and we all went on holiday together this summer. We are close and do get on really well but I do have to admit to sometimes thinking what it would be like to be one of those families who only get together once a week! It can be quite trying at times.

[Ivy79]

@mummyoflittledragon your post is sad too.

How awful. But yeah some people ARE like this. Think their children are their possessions, and make them feel like shit if they don't behave as they want them to.

[senzaparole03]

Each to their own. I live in a different country, but my sister lives a few minutes away from my parents, another friend lives next door to hers, and many friends have returned to my hometown to live closer to their parents.

What I find most odd is people commenting that they find your set up odd! It's usually out of jealousy I think. Perhaps some of the commentators wish they had stronger parental relationships? Or a closer family? Sometimes they might not even recognise their jealousy but usually there is something at the butt of their comments.


If I ever move home, then it would definitely be within walking distances of my parents and my sister.

[KimchiLaLa]

I don't think it's weird at all. I am Indian though, so this is how things work. My parents live 10 mins drive away, we are constantly dropping off food parcels at each other's houses and popping in. When I have my baby I know it will be a huge help. Same with my husband's mum.

[Mittens1969]

I would absolutely hate it, I admit, but that's because my family relationships are fraught because of stuff from the past. I see my DM fairly regularly but that's because my DDs love their Granny very much. I don't see my DB at all. My DSis and her family have moved away but we are very close.

We see the inlaws every 3 months or so, as they live a 3 hour drive away.

I wouldn't cope with living close by. But it's great if it works for you! Don't worry about what people think.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Lottapianos

It's exactly that. Betrayal, judgment, martyrdom.

I also have had to choose between my mother's mental health and mine. I'm now low contact. I supported her early in the year when my stepdad died. And for a while, it was ok. She listened to me. But she's back to her bitter, back stabbing ways. Talking about me to my brother behind my back. Denying my chronic illness. Judging me for the slightest thing, such as not remembering the exact date of my father's birthday (eg Was it the 6th or 8th - I got the month and year right). He died when I was a teen 30 years ago.

I'm sure you and I have spoken about this before.

[jellypi3]

If yours is weird OP then mine is totally insane.

We live in a large house with my grandparents (we both sold our houses and bought one together). They raised me and so are basically my parents. They have their own living room, bathroom and bedroom and we have our own living room, plus the 4 bedrooms upstairs. We share a kitchen and dining room and garden.

We also live round the corner from my in-laws. And I love it. My daughter gets to see both sets of her Grandparents almost every day (in-laws love taking her out etc) and I get so much support from them all. I'm happy knowing they are safe (their old house was in a dodgy neighbourhood) and I can help with their health related issues without it affecting my family life.

My husband and I still spend time together with my daughter - most weekends are ours and we try to do our own thing (and holidays tend to be just us) but it's nice having everyone together. It's a very old fashioned thing to do but it works for our family.

However, I have had a lot of people say it'd be their idea of hell or find the whole thing amusing.

[Trills]

I would not enjoy that. To the extent that I wouldn't date someone who wanted to live that way. But you probably wouldn't enjoy my life either.

[FleetwoodMacNCheese]

If DD were to settle a long distance from us, DH and I would happily move nearer to her. If she wanted us to, of course!

[Kez100]

My sister-in-law and in-laws are like this. We aren't.

It's not odd. It's just personality.

We love them dearly but would definitely clash at times if we lived in each others pockets. Whereas for my sister-in-law/in laws their personalities are such they don't tend to.

[Trills]

Even with absolutely lovely family I wouldn't want it.

[guilty100]

I think it's unusual, in the sense of rare, infrequent these days; but not odd in the sense of strange or worrying. I think it's sometimes seen as a bit old-fashioned, partly because the demands of work have scattered so many families to the winds.

[mirime]

Where I grew up lots of people had family living on the same street or very near by. Not odd at all!

My parents don't live so close but are over ours all the time because they look after DS while me & DH are in work. DS has a lovely close relationship with them, and they help us out a lot.