Fucking football

[yellowbrickroad]

The fucking football season has only just started and already has become the third person in my marriage. I can't stand the game. It's full of arrogance, sexism and, frankly, is incredibly boring and perpetually disappointing.

My DH loves it. He plays, coaches one under 16s team and one under 12s. This week he's out coaching / playing 3 evenings and one entire afternoon. Every weekend during the season, football takes up entire Saturday's (DC2 training am (DH coaching), DH playing pm) and Sunday am (DC1 playing, DH coaching), not to mention all the emails, management meetings, club bar shifts etc.

I do my own thing. I like my space, independence, however what never fails to piss me off is the general expectation that this is just how it is, totally acceptable and not even worth letting me know or discussing.

DH writes all the football fixtures down on a calendar, which I always forget to look at (because, hello, it's football therefore very low down on my radar as I find the whole thing boring and tedious AF), however fails to actually speak to me about matches, dates, times etc.

Then when I challenge him, or just question the fact that he's out three evenings a week in a row this week, he kicks off. I can't say ANYTHING negative about it. I am officially the ball-less third wheel in my relationship.

I may be BU, however I had to get off my chest that I FUCKING HATE FOOTBALL, I HATE IT.

[Ragwort]

What is your actual gripe apart from 'hating' football?

Are you the default for childcare if your DH is out at his football meetings?

Like others, I think having a community minded hobby is great, I met my DH through a shared hobby, sadly he gave it up and became a bit boring . You say you are happy doing your own thing - so do it.

I would far rather have a football playing DH than some bore who never left the sofa every evening.

[FoxyinherRoxy]

I am very grateful to people like your husband. I have two teenage sons, both play in local teams.

It's great that there are adults who take these 30+ kids, role model for them, teach them about commitment, sportsmanship, how to lose gracefully and how to enjoy successes.

It must be shit for you (as it is for me, standing in cold, wet, muddy fields week in, week out) but I for one would like you to know I appreciate what people like you, and your DH, give up for us.

I'd be the first to buy you a 🍷

[FatBottomedGal]

YANBU. Football is one of the most utterly boring activities in the world.

[minoandolphin]

This would indeed drive me nuts. Which is why I dumped my first football-fixated boyfriend soon after we started going out as I have no interest in it and we had little in common. (I believe he is now with someone who is equally football mad and they go to matches together and such). I didn't marry him. Unless this football thing is a new obsession I think YABU to be surprised that someone who loves football does a lot of football related stuff. Or did you expect him to give it all up when you married?

[peterpancollar]

YABU if he's been like this since you've first met him.
YANBU if you want to actually spend more time together since it doesn't sound as if he wants to spend his spare time doing anything non football related. (unhelpful)
So, you literally have Sunday evening free during football season to potentially do something together non football related? And let's face it, most of us are mentally prepping for work/school on Sunday evenings with homework, laundry, etc. I couldn't have a long term relationship with such a person. I bet there are end of season football tournaments which are for 'fun' which basically drags out the football commitment. (unhelpful). I would cultivate your own life if joining in bores you to death. So, if you weren't there to look after the kids, he would have to step up to the plate wouldn't he? I bet you that a hard compromise would be for him to drop one evening's coaching/training for you to do your hobby/gym/exercise class. Try that!

[Allthebestnamesareused]

YABU

I love football too. I go to all my sons' sports fixtures out of school and school matches and also have Sky Sports and BT Sports to make sure I can watch the Champions League, Premier League and also Championship matches.

Why does he go to the bother of writing stuff on the calendar if you can't be arsed to read it and then moan.

As someone else said above I am surprised you didn't notice that he liked football before you married him!