Fucking football

[yellowbrickroad]

The fucking football season has only just started and already has become the third person in my marriage. I can't stand the game. It's full of arrogance, sexism and, frankly, is incredibly boring and perpetually disappointing.

My DH loves it. He plays, coaches one under 16s team and one under 12s. This week he's out coaching / playing 3 evenings and one entire afternoon. Every weekend during the season, football takes up entire Saturday's (DC2 training am (DH coaching), DH playing pm) and Sunday am (DC1 playing, DH coaching), not to mention all the emails, management meetings, club bar shifts etc.

I do my own thing. I like my space, independence, however what never fails to piss me off is the general expectation that this is just how it is, totally acceptable and not even worth letting me know or discussing.

DH writes all the football fixtures down on a calendar, which I always forget to look at (because, hello, it's football therefore very low down on my radar as I find the whole thing boring and tedious AF), however fails to actually speak to me about matches, dates, times etc.

Then when I challenge him, or just question the fact that he's out three evenings a week in a row this week, he kicks off. I can't say ANYTHING negative about it. I am officially the ball-less third wheel in my relationship.

I may be BU, however I had to get off my chest that I FUCKING HATE FOOTBALL, I HATE IT.

[Allthebestnamesareused]

YABU

I love football too. I go to all my sons' sports fixtures out of school and school matches and also have Sky Sports and BT Sports to make sure I can watch the Champions League, Premier League and also Championship matches.

Why does he go to the bother of writing stuff on the calendar if you can't be arsed to read it and then moan.

As someone else said above I am surprised you didn't notice that he liked football before you married him!

[peterpancollar]

YABU if he's been like this since you've first met him.
YANBU if you want to actually spend more time together since it doesn't sound as if he wants to spend his spare time doing anything non football related. (unhelpful)
So, you literally have Sunday evening free during football season to potentially do something together non football related? And let's face it, most of us are mentally prepping for work/school on Sunday evenings with homework, laundry, etc. I couldn't have a long term relationship with such a person. I bet there are end of season football tournaments which are for 'fun' which basically drags out the football commitment. (unhelpful). I would cultivate your own life if joining in bores you to death. So, if you weren't there to look after the kids, he would have to step up to the plate wouldn't he? I bet you that a hard compromise would be for him to drop one evening's coaching/training for you to do your hobby/gym/exercise class. Try that!

[minoandolphin]

This would indeed drive me nuts. Which is why I dumped my first football-fixated boyfriend soon after we started going out as I have no interest in it and we had little in common. (I believe he is now with someone who is equally football mad and they go to matches together and such). I didn't marry him. Unless this football thing is a new obsession I think YABU to be surprised that someone who loves football does a lot of football related stuff. Or did you expect him to give it all up when you married?

[FatBottomedGal]

YANBU. Football is one of the most utterly boring activities in the world.

[FoxyinherRoxy]

I am very grateful to people like your husband. I have two teenage sons, both play in local teams.

It's great that there are adults who take these 30+ kids, role model for them, teach them about commitment, sportsmanship, how to lose gracefully and how to enjoy successes.

It must be shit for you (as it is for me, standing in cold, wet, muddy fields week in, week out) but I for one would like you to know I appreciate what people like you, and your DH, give up for us.

I'd be the first to buy you a 🍷

[Ragwort]

What is your actual gripe apart from 'hating' football?

Are you the default for childcare if your DH is out at his football meetings?

Like others, I think having a community minded hobby is great, I met my DH through a shared hobby, sadly he gave it up and became a bit boring . You say you are happy doing your own thing - so do it.

I would far rather have a football playing DH than some bore who never left the sofa every evening.

[SleepThief84]

It's your fault you forgot to look at the calendar. But I feel your pain. OH is obsessed with football. Not as bad as he used to be when we met (he used to go on World Cup and Euro month long trips - a bigger house/mortgage and the arrival of DD stopped that) but he still plays three times a week and watches it loads. I don't mind him playing at all, he enjoys it and it keeps him fit (and gives me unlimited access to the remote control two evenings a week when DD is in bed, bliss) but I bloody object to it being on there telly constantly. It's the dull roar of the crowd all the time. Ugh.

We've come to a compromise. I won't moan if a) it's his team playing, b) if it's a big match (final or the like) c) if it's England playing in a big competition like the World Cup. He in turn does not try to take over the tv to watch all other matches or have bloody sky sports news on as background noise.

[skippy67]

Forgot to say YABU.

[skippy67]

I play netball. Usually about 3 times a week, more if asked to fill in for another team. Dd umpires on the weekends I'm not playing, and I usually have to take her and stay for the game. She also trains in the week. My DH is a season ticket holder at his team. I support his hobby and he supports mine. That's how it should work.

[4teensandababy]

I write this as a fellow Football widow, however, I have become accustomed to it now.

My DH is also a coach with his own academy so coaches 6 days a week (He only has 1 day off so I can play netball). When he's not coaching (and I'm busy around the house) the Football will be on. English League preferably, but failing that it will Spanish League, Dutch League and probably the Outer Mongolian League too! Doesn't help that our twin girls are also Football mad and watch it with him.

I guess I'm now just used to it. He loves the game and has such a passion for coaching and watching it. I just get on with the housework when it's on, and when I'm done he does (reluctantly) turn it over if I want to watch something.

[stevie69]

Oh, football .... how I missed you. So glad you're back and I can sing and dance once more to your dark refrain

[thetemptationofchocolate]

I'm not a football fan, but DP is. He's not as involved as yours OP, but it still takes up a fair chunk of his time. Yes it pisses me off sometimes, but what I really hate is how he switches off to everything else when it's on. He does this even on the sport round-up on our local news, not even his team. It's as though the rest of the world has ceased to exist while football is on. I could say anything I liked (and have done!) and he does not hear it. It's as if he's in a trance.
I don't think you are being totally unreasonable, maybe just a little bit :) I do quite enjoy it when DP goes to a match as I get some peace and quiet at a weekend.

[JacquesHammer]

YABU to forget to look at the calendar.

I kind of get the sense you think football is so beneath you.

[TheNaze73]

Has he changed since you got married?

[thatdearoctopus]

YANBU. This would drive me absolutely stark-raving crackers.

Dh likes football, don't get me wrong, but is too old and decrepit to play nowadays and fortunately ds never got into it. He watches loads though, but we have strict rules on how much, because he acknowledges it could take over his/our lives if we let it - because there's also cricket and golf to fit in too!

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

It's difficult when one hates what the other loves. But I don't like the idea of someone trying to limit the others hobbies so YABU for me.

I love cricket and thankfully got DH interested, because I'm sure someone could get totally pissed off at their other half watching a sport for 5 consecutive days, all day long 😀

[joojoobean99]

My DH has always been quite obsessive about Formula 1, to the point where it takes over our entire weekend when there's a race on and we have to plan any activities around it (which is annoying when it's a 1pm race). I HATED F1 for years until I realised that it something he really enjoys, so I could continue to isolate myself from that part of his life and be unhappy about it, or make more of an effort to understand it and it be something that we both enjoy watching together. I now love F1 and cant wait for race weekends, mainly because it's something else we can watch together and I know he loves seeing me now enjoy a sport which he has loved for years.

So the moral of the story is that YABU and need to make more of an effort to understand or enjoy his hobby which is obviously so important to him.

[Eolian]

YANBU about football, but YABU not to look at the calendar.

[CruCru]

Ideally you could get an online calendar across the two of you so that you can put whatever is going on in there and you can both see it.

However, do the current arrangements mean that if your friend Mary were to say "Hey, how about we go away for a couple of nights?" you wouldn't be able to because he always has football (even if you had months of notice). If so that is pretty annoying.

[MumIsRunningAMarathon]

at least he's active, working with the community and doing something!! what would you prefer op?

[Hillarious]

I miss football now my boys don't play any more!

[Flyingflipflop]

I think if I was him I'd be tempted to spend a lot of time out of the house.

[PoppyH56]

I've got to be honest here and say YANBU. My OH has a football season ticket (matches midweek evenings and weekends), plays football on a Saturday and trains on a Wednesday, plays golf one night a week and either Saturday or Sunday morning. It's so frustrating. When we book a weekend away he misses 3 things and when we go on holiday for a week he misses 5! And will always moan about it. It's the absolute bane of my life to be perfectly honest.

[KingscoteStaff]

You need one calendar (paper or electronic) with everything on it - your appointments, kids' dates and football fixtures.

Life is too short to look at 2 calendars...

[araiwa]

He also appears to these activities with his kids which seems great. Have you tried finding an activity you enjoy and can share with your kids?