I've name changed for this and I might add a trigger warning: child abuse.
I never thought I'd be one of THOSE people who cry and are disappointed when they find out the sex of their unborn child.
We found out we're having a girl and I can't cope.
Here's why: My DH and I have unexplained infertility. It took us 2 years TTC and 2 rounds of IVF to conceive our son in 2015. Our beautiful little boy was stillborn at 32 weeks and devastated us. I miss him everyday and I'm angry and bitter that this happened to me. After all we'd been through, it wasn't simply a case of grieving and trying again. We had to self-fund more IVF to conceive. After an MMC (also IVF) at 8 weeks and more IVF I'm current pregnant where I'm carrying a girl. I should be thrilled, right?!
I don't like my mother. We have an awful relationship and live in different countries, seeing each other once a year at Christmas. Things she did included kicking me out of the house before my 21st birthday (I lived at home during university) when I came home after my curfew and slept with a boy I was dating who she didn't like. I spent my 21st birthday sleeping in my car. I never had friends over our house because she'd embarrass me and put me down in front of them, thinking she was funny but actually she was just spiteful and mean. She puts me down constantly: I'm stupid, I'm a slut, I'm fat.. I'm actually none of these things.
I don't want my daughter to grow up and hate me like I hate my mum. I don't know how to be a good mum, because I never had one.
My parents divorced when I was 13 and my father developed serious mental health issues and tried to sexually assault me in my late teens. It was the last time I ever saw or spoke to him. He later went on to commit suicide in 2009.
I look at my DH and I know he would never do anything to hurt our daughter or be so sick to have sexual thoughts about her. But it still makes me uneasy. I don't know what to expect from my DH because my own father wasn't a nice man.
I miss my son and I so desperately want him to be alive. I'm petrified about having a girl, I don't want her to have a shit life like I did.
AIBU to be upset? Anyone else experienced something similar?
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Petrified and disappointed at gender scan
78 replies
GenderDisappointment · 31/07/2017 08:42
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