To ask you a question, please answer honestly

[Tobythecat]

If you had a 27 year old daughter who lived alone but had mild autism, depression, anxiety and struggled to do certain tasks due to sensory overload, how much emotional support would you provide? Also, would you feel obliged to help them throughout their lives emotionally because they struggle due to their autism?

I'm in that situation. I do as much as I am able and will continue to do so for as long as I can. She's still my baby.

I would try to ensure that whatever professional support that could be in place was in place the I would be there are much as possible to supplement. As a parent gets harder, it becomes more difficult for the parent and it is important to try to help the child to be as independent as possible. Also parent might have other responsibilities to elderly parents, siblings, etc.

Are you my daughter?

Yes sweetheart I will ALWAYS be there for you because you're mine and I love you

And yes the future scares me too, we will prepare, adapt and support you forever

Yes I would expect to give emotional support.
But if her needs were such that she needed more than I could supply, then I might need to protect myself to ensure I didn't collapse too.

The carers need caring for too.

Yes, I have 2 daughters and I know if they needed that help I would be there 100%

I would offer as much support as needed (and more) and for life, she's my daughter and there would be nothing I wouldn't do for her. Although, some parents wouldn't though sadly

My daughter fits that description, although is a few years younger.

We are on Facetime several times a day.

I talk to her on the phone whenever she has to walk anywhere.

I help her by speaking to professionals with her and on her behalf (often when they have written permission from her).

I help her to plan meals, work out social issues, write emails, remember tasks.

I encourage her when she is putting off things that are hard to do.

I take calls when she is struggling in the middle of the night.

When she comes home, I help by giving her a break from the executive function she finds difficult by planning and providing meals, working out what is happening when, washing her clothes, etc.

I also tell her how proud I am of her and how brilliant she is for what she has achieved because it is so much harder for her than it is for her peers.

I actually spend more time supporting her than I do her much younger sister who is at specialist residential school during the week and has adults at her beck and call 24/7.

It is hard work always being available but I know she would fall to pieces without it and I also know that she is very gradually taking on and managing more and more for herself. I isn't going to last forever.

Happy to chat by PM if it helps at all.

I would absolutely support emotionally.
Practical help, if in honest would depend on how practical it is.
Eg. If it's help at meal times and washing etc and I have to work to pay my own bills then I'd probably not be there as much. I would look into a carer though or some support.

Good grief spellchecker! As parent gets OLDER (not harder!)

My son actually has autism, he's only 4 at the moment but no matter what I will be providing life long emotional support for him in any way he needs until my last breath.
I will be there for him when he needs me, and even when he doesn't NEED me il still be there to give a helping hand.

I also have a NT daughter who I will be doing the same for no matter what.

Tht doesn't mean I won't ever be going on holiday for a couple of weeks when he's an adult, or going for weekends away or not having a job so I'm at his beck and call, it means that while I'm also living my life I will make sure adaquate care and support is in place for him when I'm not there still.

I will be supporting him to be as independent as he possibly can and to live his life but providing tools and support to help him along the way as well

As much as was needed whenever it was needed

I would expect and want to help indefinitely. I DO expect and want to help my DC indefinitely, according to their needs, although they are NT. Because they are my children and I love them.

There are lot of us here with Aspergers experi nice Tobes if you need to talk about something

Yes I would. I'm a bit older than your daughter and mum in US but she is there when i need on skype. She had thrombosis a few weeks ago so i try to cope as much as i can

I do think it's what one signs up for with deciding to have children, but I understand it's not always something people really understand beforehand and it is hard having a child one had to look after for the rest of your life.

Yes, but I would be looking to enable her to live as independent a life as possible.

I would also want to be sure that I was providing a level of emotional and practical support that was sustainable for me too, over the long term -- taking on too much responsibility can just end up in burning out.

I would try to be consistent and clear about the support I could give her, and be around for her as much as possible outside of that too.

I can't imagine ever being able to or wanting to walk away from supporting my child, even if they were grown up. But I would focus around trying to help her become as independent as possible. Parents aren't around forever :-(

my DS is 25. with aspergers. i would do anything he needed. im his mum and ive fought his corner since birth. i will always be there to fight his corner or just because im an annoying mother who will always be there!
same for dd though she is different and much more private, no SEN.
they are my children. ill always be there because i love them

Yes. why wouldn't you? When you choose to have a child you are choosing to care for that person their whole life in varying degrees from day one.

I'd rejoice in the fact that she is able to live independently and I'd encourage her to do new activities and would be there to provide the emotional and practical support she needs as long as I'm able

As my darling old mil once said, "your children never stop being your children", and her youngest was in her early 40s. However, it would very much depend on the individual relationship. If any of my four needed me, they know I'm there for them. Three have disabilities. Though one of them can be a bit manipulative, learned behaviour from their birth mother, so it depends on what they want/need.

I have not often read a more loaded question.

What is your agenda, OP?

How much help from you does she need ?

Truthfully, it depends.

Is the daughter professionally diagnosed as autistic or is it self-diagnosis?

Has the daughter chosen to live close by in order to have support at hand or are they living hundreds of miles away and found themselves unable to cope?

Does the daughter want emotional help?

I would hope that I would have the strength to help whatever the circumstances, but I know I would fail at some.

I would also find it difficult knowing that they needed a lot of emotional support as I will not be around forever and would have to put something in place for after I've gone, or do I help them to live an independent life whilst I am still around by drawing back the support a little?

It depends...

I'm late 30's. For the last 7 years I've struggled with mental health illness that at times has left me suicidal.

Without my parents never waning support - both physical and emotional (at times financial) and love I don't know how I would have got through.

I would do the same for my children without a second thought.

I do understand the difficulty from the other side though.

Practical help is comparatively easy if you are able. Providing emotional support can be draining in the extreme.