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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think it shouldn't be this difficult for find somewhere to live

39 replies

starshaker · 05/07/2017 10:14

I am doing everything I can to find somewhere. I need to move ASAP. Why is it so difficult to find somewhere when you have pets and are on DSS. I can't find anywhere.

I am on the homeless list but if I accept that then I can't take my dogs and I will lose all my stuff.
Its a complete nightmare

OP posts:
Kezi4 · 05/07/2017 10:20

Can you stay with friends or family OP? Or can the dogs/stuff whilst you get yourself sorted?

Original poster
starshaker · 05/07/2017 10:23

No I don't have a support network. I do have somebody who could look after the bigger dog but the puppy is too small and he's never been away from me (id be lost with out him too). I could put stuff in storage but I can't afford the cost of moving stuff twice.

OP posts:
Alittlepotofrosie · 05/07/2017 10:25

It is awful. If i had loads of money id love to be a property developer and rent out places to people with pets.

SpongySand · 05/07/2017 10:28

Sorry but why did you get a puppy when you already had a dog which you're struggling with in terms of housing money etc. I don't understand why people do this sort of thing.

Kezi4 · 05/07/2017 10:30

Why do you have to move from the current place OP?

Moving is expensive and hassle for everyone, it's a lot harder if you have pets and are on DSS. If the puppy's never been away from you, do you work?

Original poster
starshaker · 05/07/2017 10:32

I posted about my situation as a namechange. Toomuchshit I really don't want to go through it all again on here :(

OP posts:
Justhadmyhaircut · 05/07/2017 10:34

Could you advertise for someone to foster your dogs for now?
I was a fosterer for a charity year ago and kept a cat while a lady was in a hostel. .
Someone with a kind heart may do it for the cost of the dog food. .

Original poster
starshaker · 05/07/2017 10:35

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2963556-To-go-to-the-police?

My puppy was a gift. I don't work because of health reasons. I just want somewhere safe to live

OP posts:
Kezi4 · 05/07/2017 10:45

OP, this is very recent, and uprooting your life and your kids' life in haste would be an error.

Are your kids in school?

Are you in a private rental?

Do you have savings that can be put towards a deposit?

Original poster
starshaker · 05/07/2017 10:48

Kez, what is my other option? Stay next door to somebody who has shown then if i say no it doesn't matter? Next time he might not stop. Its the summer holidays, oldest starts secondary school in august. Im in housing association

OP posts:
Kezi4 · 05/07/2017 10:53

Have you spoken to your counsellor / Women's Aid / Rape Crisis / the police about your neighbour assaulting you?

If not, I recommend you do.

In the meantime, continue keeping him blocked and ignoring him. If he breaks into your house, then obviously you call the police, but I don't think there are any signs that will happen.

Continue looking for a housing association property you can swap to, but make sure it's the right one for you and your daughter.

Kezi4 · 05/07/2017 10:54

Oh, and stop drinking entirely or taking any medication that isn't prescribed. At the very least, alcohol will be adding to your depression.

Original poster
starshaker · 05/07/2017 10:56

Anywhere is better than here I am scared to leave the house. I have spoken to them all (women's aid won't help because its not domestic violence) and they all suggest I move. I can't do a swap because then he could find out where I live. I can't make a formal statement until I am away from here

OP posts:
Kezi4 · 05/07/2017 10:58

Do you really think he's likely to hunt you down when you've moved?

Original poster
starshaker · 05/07/2017 11:02

Him personally? I don't know. The rest of the family? Yeah I think its possible

OP posts:
Kezi4 · 05/07/2017 11:21

I think your anxiety is clouding this. What did your counsellor say?

Honestly, if I were you, I probably wouldn't report it. I'd focus on moving via a swap and improving my mental health, through counselling and CBT, as well as stopping drinking. I'd work on improving my boundaries so this kind of scenario is less likely to happen again.

It's not justice and it's not fair, but if I were in your position, I think that's what I'd do.

Original poster
starshaker · 05/07/2017 11:28

Ive been on the swap list for over a year anyway and had no interest so I don't think thats an option anyway. Drinking isn't the issue, its not like I'm always drinking or drunk. Ive been pissed twice in the past couple of years. I just happened to do something stupid last time i was drunk

OP posts:
Kezi4 · 05/07/2017 11:45

You sent a topless photo to your sexually aggressive married next door neighbour, and don't remember doing it - that's pretty bad!

What does alcohol add to your life?

Regarding the swap, can you move to a smaller property, a wider area or somewhere less 'desirable'? Can you do home improvements, get better photos, and speak to the housing association about how you can improve your chances?

Original poster
starshaker · 05/07/2017 11:54

This post is about how difficult it is to move, its not about the other thread. I only mentioned it because I was accused of being irresponsible for having a puppy and wanting to move.

The point is its pretty much impossible to find a private let that accepts dss and pets. Im being unreasonable obviously because nobody even sees it as a issue

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 05/07/2017 12:07

Are you in a position to offer a higher bond than is requested because of the dogs OP? On a similar thread, several people said they'd had success with this approach - particularly if the property had a garden and was so dog-friendly.

BarbarianMum · 05/07/2017 12:09

Having said which, puppies are renown for damaging property so if you can rehome it that may be best. Sorry you are going through this Flowers

CremeFresh · 05/07/2017 12:17

I know it's hard to see the wood for the trees but you need to prioritise.

Is having pets more important than moving ? If you are desperate to move you need to get the dogs fostered or give them up altogether Sad

Or be resigned to the fact that it will take longer to find a LL willing to take pets .

Kezi4 · 05/07/2017 12:17

Okay OP, YANBU for finding it hard to move when you're securely and adequately housed, you have no income except for benefits, a child and two pets including a puppy that you won't leave, and no-one who you can move in with or who will look after your pets or store your belongings for free.

Anyone in that scenario would find it hard to move.

YABU based on your thread title - you do have somewhere to live.

Did you want suggestions, or just a rant?

Original poster
starshaker · 05/07/2017 13:29

I won't rehome my dogs. I made a commitment to them and they are part of the family. I'd hardly say I'm secure. I dont feel safe in my own home. Maybe I should have said somewhere safe to live.

I want to rant because I am doing everything I can. My puppy doesn't damage anything because he is supervised or in his crate. Hes 6 months now so not a new puppy. He's just very small which means that the people who can have the other dog aren't suitable because they have 7 newfies. It is not suitable for him. Im waiting To see a friend who might look after him for me.

My anxiety has improved since I've had winnie. He goes everywhere with me and I need him as much as he needs me

OP posts:
Kezi4 · 05/07/2017 13:44

Since you cut contact with your neighbour, has he made any attempt to access your property?

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