To not ask for a seat on the tubes?

[PayingMyWayYouSay]

I'm visibly pregnant and it's quite dire in this heat, especially since I've still got horrendous HG and a split pubic bone.

DFriend was shocked to learn I don't ask for seats on the tube. She says "

Why wouldn't you ask someone perfectly capable of standing to give up their seat, politely?"

My thinking is because not all illnesses are visible, are they? Priority seating isn't just for the pregnant, is it?

I have Lupus syndrome and had a horrendous joint flare around 18 months ago. It was often so painful I'd wince at times. I looked perfectly fit and healthy and would've felt so bad looking at a pregnant lady stand, but none the less wouldn't have given one up if I was in need

AIBU about this? No one on the tube really offers seats, and if they do they're usually men!

No offence taken though, or should I be angst like DFriend suggest?

[BIWI]

I travel to work every day on the tube. And without fail, pregnant women are offered seats.

Sometimes/often other passengers don't notice that there's a pregnant woman - most of us when we get a seat bury ourselves in our book/papers, etc. But if asked, I've never, ever seen anyone refused.

OP get a badge - and don't be afraid to ask people if you can have a seat if you feel you need it.

[Belager]

I actually completely understand. I get lupus flares as well and so understand hidden illnesses. When I was pg I always waited until offered.

[KatherinaMinola]

My only hang up about voicing the carriage was this sweet looking pregnant lady asking politely if she could have a seat.

She got ignored on the packed train and people clearly heard

Why did you ignore her? Why didn't you demand that someone on the carriage give her a seat?

Get a badge. Issue a general request for a seat if no-one notices your badge.

[PayingMyWayYouSay]

Belager Sorry to hear you're a sufferer too

[PayingMyWayYouSay]

Katherine I don't think me intervening would've helped. They were a tough crowd. But yes you're right and I should have spoken up

[Liverbird77]

Wow. I always get up, whether it's for a pregnant woman, an older person, someone with a disability or someone wearing one of those please offer me a seat badges. It doesn't matter whether I'm in a priority seat or not. My mum always made me do this in buses when I was a child and it's second nature. Sorry for your bad experiences.

[Andrewofgg]

Ask. Politely but ask.

[OlennasWimple]

Ask if you need one. I've never seen someone who needed a seat left standing after they have asked.

[allertse]

Get a baby on board badge and if you need to ask, address a few people at once.

I am hesitant to offer my seat unless I am CERTAIN someone is pregnant (by which I mean 8m+) as I know a lot of people who have been offended at being offered seats when they were actually just a bit fat. But if I see a badge I will always get up.

I recently had an injury and despite being on crutches people didn't always notice, but someone would always stand up if I asked the people in priority seats if I could please have a seat.

[WannaBe]

Ultimately if you don't ask then you don't get. I am visually impaired and people have always offered me a seat on the tube however I generally haven't needed it and was always happy to stand so someone else could have that seat. However, I now also have a heart condition and ironically that is a completely invisible disability, but some days when I reach the tube I might be exhausted because of my drugs or suffering from extremely low blood pressure, neither of which my fellow commuters would know but which mean I really, really need to sit down. In some ways it is fortunate for me that people will then notice my VI and offer me a seat based on that and as such I benefit, but in the event they didn't I would have to ask, and I know that if I didn't either my DP or DS would.

If you need the seat then ask. Someone might have an invisible disability but they are just as much at liberty to say no as you are to ask in the first place.

[Mesmerised]

I'm surprised people don't offer. Maybe you're not visibly pregnant yet? People always offered seats to me I think - definitely in the last trimester.
I think most people are only to happy to offer seats - If you're not sure if someone's pregnant, disabled or elderly you can just move without saying anything. DH would stand up for a middle-aged woman for instance, pregnant or not, but he might not say anything in case she felt awkward.
I haven't seen these badges yet.

[thenorthernluce]

I'm nearly eight months and very visibly pregnant, but I'm not wearing my baby on board badge at the moment because it's too hot for even a cardi or jacket. I always get offered a seat, without fail. On the two or three occasions I haven't been offered a seat, a "woman of a certain age" (I use this term affectionately, not mockingly) has intervened before I have a chance to even open my mouth and asked a general group of people if one of them would move so I could take a seat. Gotta love those broads! Once, on the bus, I asked a teenage girl if I could have her seat at the front and she obliged straight away.

I'm not saying my experience is universal, but I have been very happy with travelling on the tube while pregnant. Maybe the northern line is particularly friendly?

[viques]

I am sorry Spangles, but I find your attitude a bit ridiculous . People on the tube are generally very kind and helpful, I accept that possibly people coming in from Heathrow are a bit disoriented after their plane journey, but to stand in pain giving people the evil eye rather than ask for a seat is frankly pathetic. The priority seats are there for a reason, of course able bodied people can sit on them but in most countries I imagine that public transport has a similar set up so asking is not going to be too much of a shock.

[bigsighall]

I would ask or get a badge. Like another poster said, I'm in my own world on the tube but would be happy to be asked.
I'm always slightly worried I would look patronising or wrong if I offer too (altho I would offer if I was 100% sure the person was pregnant!)

[IHateUncleJamie]

Definitely get a badge. I hate actually asking - partly because if there's a youngish bloke in the priority seat, 99% of the time they are asleep (or pretending). It's horrible. Fortunately there is almost always someone who spots my badge and offers me their seat even if it's further along the carriage. ❤️

Interestingly, 9/10 it's other women or older men who offer - of any nationality. Very seldom a young bloke. 😕

Do get a "Baby on board" badge from TFL though, OP. 💐

[Kentnurse2015]

I got asked to move once when I was literally doubled-over with period pain. It was a heavily pregnant lady so I felt I couldn't refuse but I literally couldn't stand straight, I was practically grey with pain. She didn't seem to notice and just took my seat.

I have lupus too and have used tubes through 2 pregnancies but have never asked myself after what happened to me that day! Probably silly but I never want to feel like I'm taking a seat from someone who needs it

[Casschops]

I have only recently been educated about baby on board badges. Come and live in Manchester people would fight over who was going to give up the seat.

[Intransige]

My approach was to stand in the vincinity of the priority seats and say "sorry, do you all need the priority seats", while clutching my bump. It worked, and I agree that not all reasons for needing a seat are visible so I didn't want to single anyone out.

But mostly I didn't need to. People were generally exceptionally lovely about offering me a seat on both the train and tube. I had people intervening on my behalf on packed trains on several occasions, and a man sent his young son over from the other end of the carriage to offer me a seat on another occasion.

[guinea36]

I always asked for a seat in the later stages. More to do with safety than comfort.
However I made absolutely sure to express my gratitude. I also asked the person whether it would be ok about me having the seat in a way that made it clear that I would be ok if they said no.

[Thingvellir]

I've never seen a pregnant lady not be offered a seat and also on my jammed commuter overground earlier this week there was an elderly man who entered the carriage and practically the whole carriage stood up to offer him a seat (he was v elderly and it was extremely hot!). He refused all offers

When I was travelling with a new born in a carrier, getting squashed against other standing passengers though a few years back in a super packed carriage I asked a woman in the priority seat if she minded letting me have it and she went absolutely apeshit at me - she was in the priority seat which is why I asked her - she was very angry I'd asked her and not someone else. She was clearly a bitch though and not the norm.

Get a baby on board badge OP - they exist for a reason and you don't need to suffer...

[Groupie123]

I usually say I'm feeling really unwell do you mind if I take your seat, and people accomodate. I'm not even pregnant. Those who are disabled or unwell will just say no sorry.

[FleetwoodMacDonalds]

It looks like you're getting a lot of good advice here, op. It is always a bit awkward asking the first time, but just give it time. Don't necessarily focus on one person when you ask, but ask a select group (so it is obvious they can hear you). If they don't respond, ask again in a slightly louder voice. Good luck with your pregnancy - it's not easy