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AIBU?

To say no to MIL giving DD money for her school trip?

42 replies

Rollergirl1 · 31/05/2017 18:38

She's going next week. They are allowed to take a maximum of £25 (provided by me) and they have already handed the money in to school in a named envelope to be distributed each day.

Had a text from MIL saying to give DD £20 spending money from her and she will give to me when she sees me. I'm not sure when that will be. I replied back to MIL saying a nice thought but it's already been handed in so not to worry.

Now DH has called me saying MIL a bit put out as she wanted to give DD some money for her school trip. What does she expect me to do? Give DD a further £20 from Granny just for nothing and then me be out of pocket further more?

OP posts:

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JennyOnAPlate · 31/05/2017 19:20

You are completely correct when you say you didn't handle it well op. I think you should call her and smooth things over.

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Heratnumber7 · 31/05/2017 19:23

You sound very ungrateful Rollergirl.
Let granny give the kid some money for her holiday!

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YouveStillGotCakeOnYourFace · 31/05/2017 19:28

I don't think Rollergirl did anything wrong. Saying "thanks but it's already sorted" doesn't seem in the least bit offensive. Granny could have used the £20 to buy DD a huge marshmallow or something instead: everybody wins.

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ShinyGirl · 31/05/2017 19:28

Eeek no wonder she's put out.

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BertrandRussell · 31/05/2017 19:30

I don't think she did anything wrong in cold hard pragmatic terms. A bit lacking in emotional intelligence, perhaps?

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IloveBanff · 31/05/2017 19:35

She should have said to MIL "Oh that's so kind of you, thank you very much" That's all that was needed.

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Mumzypopz · 31/05/2017 20:16

These things can often snowball a bit though. I wanted my children to be brought up with a sensible attitude to money and to learn how to save. Whether my mil knew this or not, I don't know, but she would often give them what I considered to be far too much spending money for their holidays (without asking me if it was ok), and expecting them to spend it all. Holidays went from being a nice family time to a "we must go to the shops to spend our money" time. I just wish she would have asked me in advance.

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YesMilk · 31/05/2017 20:29

I would have said the same as you OP, but have taken note of the replies and have stored it for future reference!

Keeping the £20 would never have occurred to me and would feel like I was stealing my DC's money.

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wildcoffeeandbeans · 31/05/2017 22:09

I love how the OP can come back to a thread and say, "Okay, I was wrong" to a very minor incident and people will carry on for another page with "OP, you clearly don't get it, do you!"

I would have said the same as the OP at the time. If I could have paused the conversation and thought through the possibilities, sure, I could have come up with a better answer, but real life doesn't have that feature.

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MaxPepsi · 31/05/2017 22:44

Speak to MIL, explain why you said no, apologise for not being clearer and ask If she'd like to buy DD some new clothes for the trip instead?

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IloveBanff · 01/06/2017 11:27

YesMilk "Keeping the £20 would never have occurred to me and would feel like I was stealing my DC's money."

People (including me) have said that because the OP's daughter is only allowed to take £25 spending money, which has already been handed in. Since the child's grandmother wants to give her £20 spending money it makes total sense to me that the OP gratefully accepts the kind offer, meaning that her own contribution id now £5 of the £25 total, hence, since she has already paid that, she can keep the £20 from the MIL instead. That is not stealing from the child. The child still has the £25 spending money allowed. The OP has paid £5 and the grandmother £20. That's correct and no dishonesty or stealing is involved and all could've been happy, but for the OP deciding to refuse the money from the grandmother "because it had already been paid".

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bigmac4me · 01/06/2017 11:45

I always give my grandson some money to spend for his outings, as do his other grandparents. My daughter and son in law say "thank you". What's the issue? Spend it on something else or save it for her. We don't ask for a receipt for what it has been spent on. I can't really see the big issue here at all.

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lucyandpoppy123 · 01/06/2017 12:01

I don't understand how giving someone £20 can make them out of pocket??

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loobylou10 · 01/06/2017 12:08

As EVERYONE else has said - say thank you, take the money, tell your daughter that the money she gets given on her trip is from her granny. What a big fuss about nothing.

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Trb17 · 01/06/2017 12:13

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings

You could've just said thanks and then when she gave you the £20 you keep it then she's paid £20 and you've paid £5.

^ this

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Aridane · 01/06/2017 12:13

OK, OP - you say you didn't handle it very well. However, assuming your DC hasn't already gone on the trip, you can still put it right in the manner almost all posters have suggested!

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kmc1111 · 01/06/2017 13:14

Would have been easier to just accept the offer, but I think GM is being a bit ridiculous. It's just a little bit of cash for a school trip. If she wants to give her DG £20 there's many, many other ways to go about it, so having a sulk because you'd already covered it this time is odd. There's nothing stopping her from just sending £20 for something else!

Talk of 'making it right' is a bit overwrought too. It really doesn't matter. If GM wants to make a massive drama out of not being able to pay for something that's already been paid for then that's her problem. OP isn't obliged to pretend she's made some hideous error in not accepting money for something already fully paid.