Right, to set the scene: Me, my DH, DD, MIL and SFIL are here together on holiday. It is actually my in-laws house half way up a mountain in a warm corner of Europe. It has a pool and is pretty idyllic all round. However it is very remote, nothing around for about 30 min drive. No public transport. Dodgy mountainside roads that aren't safe to walk or cycle on. The In-laws have kindly paid for our flights and refuse to take any money for us staying here and eating their food (which they insist on cooking, and they are brilliant cooks). We're very very lucky.
However, the holiday does come with some T's and C's. It is very well-to-do, middle class, civilised etc. It is very pleasant but very... erm... 'controlled' I think is the right word. In fact, the theme of the holiday could well be 'Everything in moderation'. This is slightly at odds with my idea of a holiday which is more 'everything to excess' .... but I didn't pay for this holiday so I'm willing to go with the flow. This is our 5th-ish time out here as a couple/family.
As a background point, MIL has always monitored how much I eat. She literally raises her eyebrows if I go for second helpings because I'm overweight. It grinds me slightly, but is just a foible of hers and for the most part I ignore it and do my best to have some self control so as not to disgust her.
But anyway, here is the issue...
On day 3 after dinner, MIL stands up and states how she cannot understand why DH (my DH that is, not her DH) has to drink so much. She then turns to me and says I'm not much better. She is upset because DH's biological father is/was an alcoholic. She cannot stand people drinking to access. I agree that my alcohol tolerance has 'improved' lately and DH rolls his eyes and says 'I'm on holiday mum'. And that's that. Off she goes to bed. I didn't say more because I was totally stunned by the confrontation and I'm rubbish with thinking on the spot. Plus I had 3 gins inside me.
I must admit I was pretty annoyed at the accusation of drinking too much. I certainly wasn't drunk and the gin I was drinking was bought by us at the airport. Plus I'm nearly 40, so im really not accustomed to somebody monitoring my alcohol consumption. I had a good old rant to my friend via text and decided I'd continue the holiday booze-free so as not to cause any more upset.
The thing is, my only experience of family holidays (pre-meeting my DH) is to spend all day in the pool messing about, eating whatever we like and drinking from about 4/5pm. No rules. Just having a laugh. I appreciate not all families are like this, but this is my default setting for a holiday if you will. So it is an adjustment for me to be so controlled on holiday. But I'm trying to remind myself.... it's a free holiday, it's a free holiday, it's a free holiday.... and just be greatful.
Yesterday DH, who seems to have fully regressed into a teenager rebillion mode, gets completely shit faced, singing football (?!) chants whilst mooning and dancing around the pool drunk. Eyebrows are raised. MIL is not impressed. We go out for dinner (against my advice) and whilst he goes to the loo MIL asks me why he decided to get so drunk. I explain I'm not sure why, but I think it's an act of defiance. "How very childish" is the response.... and I have to agree.
The atmosphere now is terrible. MIL and DH basically are at loggerheads. DH is in a terrible mood and is not at all fun to be around. Our DD is always a heartbeat away from a tantrum (she's 2) and how I 'parent' her is constantly being watched and critiqued. I just literally can't relax now, and there are 5 days to go. I plan to keep my head down and stay out of the way as much as I can until we go home. But I'm interested to hear... WWYD?
AIBU?
Holiday tension.... WWYD
Bellyrub1980 · 17/05/2017 04:16
cool1cat
Ever heard the phrase 'Physician,heal thyself'?
Your obsession with OP's perceived boozing is worrying and rather odd coming from a 'trained child psychotherapist'. 
I guess you're on your way home now. I think you were incredibly restrained with your mil. With regard to the Cornwall trip if you want to go then go. If you don't want to go but can't face the arguments of cancelling you're in the UK worst case scenario you can leave and book a b&b or a travelodge I know Im so classy!
Upon your return from Cornwall you can make it clear that in future they need to run any holidays past you before booking as dd has parties, play dates etc that you don't want to reschedule. Then just be unavailable.
and 
for you op.
The controlling behaviour and then bursting into tears when challenged is exactly the sort of narcissistic behaviour that led to my family and my sister and her husband going NC with our mother. this is nothing to do with alcohol. She will not change. Get through the rest of this holiday the best you can and make it the last. It will not get better, believe me.
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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MsGame I think it's how the MIL talked to her DS that's the problem. If you tell DS 5 not to do something in a "mum tone", he does it again. It sounds like the DH has the same kind of personality. Doesn't she know her own DS's personality yet? 
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