To look for another job to escape childhood nickname?

[BlackVapour]

Name change as identifying.
Have worked there for around a year. Good team and I enjoy it. A few weeks ago a new woman started and I realised it was a horrible girl I used to go to school with. Anyway during primary school this girl was a bit odd, not well liked and a bit of a pain in the arse. One particular time - in the space of a week - she hit me (accidentally) with a packed lunch box in the face, scratched my eye whilst we were playing and blew snot into my hair. This was pointed out to me by all the kids who screamed "ewww "Jenny" has blown snot into blacks hair!" And they all ran away from us. She swore it was an accident but the whole thing was just awful. Anyway after it died down she found it hilarious and made up the nickname "Slap-On-The-Face-Scratch-BogeyNose". She would repeat it constantly thinking she was hilarious.

So anyway she has just landed a job where I work and when she realised who I was she shouted "bogeynose!". Obviously everyone wanted to know what this meant so she launched into a story about how she was bullied and victimised at school and got into trouble for stuff that was accidental and as a defence mechanism she made up this nickname for me after the snot incident. The way she said it made her sound like a tortured soul and me a big cry baby.

Now a lot of my colleagues have started called me slaponthefacescratchbogeynose. I've laughed it off but its doing me in. Because she's made out that she was the victim at school I feel I can't say anything without it looking like I was a bully and still want to get at her.

It was my birthday on Friday and the team bought me a card which they all signed and even on that people have written "to bogey" or "happy birthday scratch" etc.

DH thinks I'm being precious and should rise above it. To make matters worse it has transpired that this woman has Aspergers which is obviously why she seemed "odd" at school but that makes it even harder to address as I don't want to look like a bully!

So AIBU and if not, how do I deal with it without making myself look like a baby?

[starsinspring]

Oh gosh, you're not being a baby at all. How old are your colleagues?

I would have to say 'look, I recognise it's meant to be funny () but for obvious reasons I'd prefer to be known by my name.'

[Justmadeperfectflapjacks]

She is the bully and needs called out on it. . She can possibly justify her adolescent behaviour but not adult bullying.

[Floggingmolly]

Seriously?

[HildaOg]

I would give them a deathstare, say 'speak to me like that again and I'll be filing a complaint against you' and then do. You should have ripped the card up, thrown it straight in the bin and told them how offensive they were being.

[KingJoffreysRestingCuntface]

Yes, I'd also leave.

[AppleOfMyEye10]

Yanbu op! She is a bully, how unprofessional to bring that childish behaviour into your workplace. Actually you shouldn't laugh it off with your colleagues, let them know it's childish and not very funny.

[Empireoftheclouds]

Yes, get a new job. Every time something happens rinse and repeat.

Or you could tell them to stop? Report her and then for bullying? Or a plain fuck off?

[Mrsmadevans]

You need to tell them all, you have been there a year and they know you are not a bully so it will be obvious they will support you and stop using the nik good luck op this woman sounds awful!

[BlackVapour]

The thing is "socially awkward" as an 11 year old has turned into "quirky and hilarious" as an adult and they all love her. I just feel like I'm the one that's going to come out looking shit here.

[alltouchedout]

I'd look for a new job yes, but in the meantime I'd take this issue to my manager.

[PoisonousSmurf]

Do everything in your power to get her sacked? Or ignore!

[c3pu]

Tell them in no uncertain terms to never ever refer to you as that again.

If it happens again, go to your line manager or HR.

[Dianneabbottsmathsteacher]

You need to be clear sign your colleagues and be firm. No more mane calling. Then be firm with her and warn them all you will take it up with HR if it continues as enough is enough.

Your colleagues may not realise you are upset unless you tell them

[BarbarianMum]

Ok, I'm clearly missing something here but why can you not just tell people not to call you that? You don't need to launch into a tirade against your colleague, you can just say you didn't find it funny at the time and you don't find it funny now. If she has ASD you may need to spell it out to her too but you don't have to be mean, you can just be matter of fact. If she won't accept it go straight to your manager.

[Ragdoll545]

That's just mean it's not even a nickname that's name calling and nastiness. I would be talking to your manager about it and say you're considering leaving over it, and see how quickly they're all told to stop. The fact any adult thinks that's appropriate name for a colleague though perhaps you do need to change jobs where you don't work with a bunch of childish idiots

[Blueemeraldagain]

Surely not?? Where the hell do you work?! You need to point out that her name calling now is as unacceptable as any directed towards her as a teen. I'd ask people to stop once and then complain.

In the meantime I would throw the card away and not respond to that (frankly shit) nickname under any circumstances.

[MissionItsPossible]

I don't care how much someone was bullied, I'd find it disgusting if somebody told me they had blew snot into someone's hair. Why do your colleagues find it hilarious? The nickname is not even remotely funny in the slightest. Talk to management about it.

[rizlett]

Or you could just ignore the petty childish behaviour on the basis that any behaviour which is ignored will become extinguished.

Although it often escalates just before they give up.

Twats.

[AnyFarrahFowler]

"Call me that name again and I will report you. You and I both know what really happened at school, you weren't the victim, and the fact that you are bringing this into a workplace X years later is pathetic, and speaks volumes about you. Grow up and be a professional."

[StickThatInYourPipe]

OP you will come out looking shit here, and I say this with the utmost respect for your situation. I also think you would NBU.

But if it's clear she is playing the victim card, you getting uppity will not come out well. Yes, as others have said you can go to HR but untlimatley you will lose the relationships with your colleagues and want to leave anyway.

If you can see the funny side to it and defuse the 'bomb of knowing it bothers you to her' then I would try, otherwise I would probably look for a different job.

[Cary2012]

What AnyFarrahFowler says.

[Madwoman5]

How about, wow. That is not how I remember it at all....quite the opposite in fact..... ..............anyhow, we are adults now and in the office not the playground, so let's keep things professional please. It sounds like your workmates are worse for keeping it running and this is right on the thin line of bullying. Ignore them, do not respond and focus on your work.

[StickThatInYourPipe]

My last point of that was more of a 'trying to make her stop looking for a reaction' more than you actually seeing the funny side. I don't think it's funny at all - just to be clear

[PaleAzureofSummer]

How can your colleagues believe that someone hitting you in the face, scratching you in the eye and blowing snot in your hair in the space of a week was accidental and her being victimised?

[ddssdd]

I would ask her why she's singing the same tune after all of these years.