AIBU to think that this is not the way to bring up our kids?

[user1473341778]

I came to work this morning very upset after an all too common situation with my dd3, ds2 and partner. Both children can be extremely clingy to me and fight with each other for my attention. I explain to them both that I love them and try and calm things down, but they cry and fight, usually when I’m trying to leave for work in the morning or if I'm the one leaving them at the childminders. This morning it started as I was trying to bring ds downstairs. It then got worse when the other half leaped out of bed giving out and cussing at the children under his breath. I couldn’t repeat some of the things he says. I find the whole thing so upsetting. I know every morning can’t be roses and sweet melodies but these instances are becoming more and more regular. DH blames me and says I’m too soft on them and I need to toughen up and my argument is that he needs to be more balanced with them so that they enjoy us both looking after them and are not clinging onto me and saying they don’t want him to tend to them. I don’t know what I’m looking for, I just want my kids to be happy and grow up nice people. DH says they are bullying me, but they are 3 and 2 for goodness sakes, I don’t think they are too different to a lot of kids at this stage. DH makes them out to be monsters sometimes and I can’t cope with the negative rumblings he comes out with when they are acting out, it’s wearing me down!!!

[misscph1973]

OP, my DC were very clingy at that age, and my DH also was convinced it was my fault. I think he still does. But we are very different people, and DC still come to me now, at age 10 and 12, not to him. I think it's a great loss for him. But people don't want the same things. I think your situation is quite typical for many parents, but by no means all.

Just ignore him. It will pass, your DC will stop being so clingy. You are not responsible for your DH's behaviour. You might influence him indirectly by not focusing on his less charming behaviour and not reacting. It works for me.