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AIBU?

AIBU or does anyone else think their DH sometimes seems like another child?!

31 replies

tigercub50 · 11/04/2017 22:11

Honestly, I suppose we all have our moments, but I do sometimes feel I have 2 kids not just one! We were having words & because DH was being a certain way about what he was doing I said (trying to keep it light) that I would need to be out of the way when he was doing the wallpapering. He retorted that if he had said something like that I would have said he was being sarcastic. And in the end, he said he wouldn't do the wallpapering. I have to say that we are emerging from years of problems & things are generally loads better but I can't be doing with this throwing his toys out of the pram. Wish I'd said something like "Act your age not your shoe size"! We can't afford to get someone in to decorate. Presumably he didn't mean it. Perhaps we are both hyper sensitive but I certainly wasn't being sarcastic

OP posts:

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UrbanYokel · 12/04/2017 16:34

I feel this way about my husband sometimes

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 12/04/2017 16:33

I think the number one rule of not enabling is to never ever give in to a huff, sulk, strop or other toddler like behaviour. Do the "offending" thing more. If the person wants to ask you to do something different, they can bloody well ask like an adult. You can still choose to refuse, even if they ask nicely.

I've known women who will change their minds just because their partner sighs and makes a sad face. Then they moan about how their partners get everything their own way.

tigercub50 · 12/04/2017 11:49

BetrandRussell, any ideas on how not to enable it? As I said before, walking away is probably a good start. My parents always used to say that I would escalate arguments by going on & on & on & I do admit that can be what I do. My need to be right I guess. This frustrates my DH too.

OP posts:

tigercub50 · 12/04/2017 09:09

I am going to a therapist to help with anxiety ( not all connected to the relationship) & DH has been offered CBT to help change his emotional responses ( he has tended to be quite manipulative & his arguing style is to get very defensive & deflect onto me). He's not grudgingly going but it is frustrating that there is a waiting list.

OP posts:

deckoff · 12/04/2017 08:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tigercub50 · 12/04/2017 08:48

Looking back through the posts, it is exhausting! Life's too short & I do tend to analyse & fret over every little thing whereas DH lets things go. I have got used to walking on eggshells because of how he used to behave but it's getting easier for both of us to argue normally, if that makes sense. I actually managed to show my feelings whereas before he acted as if they weren't valid. It's really difficult to explain how it's been but hopefully we are heading towards a much healthier relationship.

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BertrandRussell · 12/04/2017 08:45

There are always threads like this. Crap men behave in a crap way. And, sadly, some women enable them.

outabout · 12/04/2017 08:37

Men and Women are equally capable of doing anything with the only significant exception that only Women can give birth. ALL the rest is 'negotiation'.
What are 'man jobs'? There are jobs that need doing (one way or another) and they don't have labels as to which sex does them.

ofudginghell · 12/04/2017 08:24

Not had this often at all within my dh but I remember him going through a phase of bizarre childlike responses and behaviours to silly things at times
I think the reason I don't see it so much anymore is because the last time he kicked off about something little I told him to bloody well behave himself. I had two days of silence. The first day I carried on as normal and chatting and cooking tea,sorting normal stuff etc but by the second day I decided to completely do what I needed to do for me and the dc and not ask what he fancied for tea or if he wanted a drink or any of the menial things. By the next day I hadn't text either and when I got in from work he wanted to chat and was in a normal but forced cheery mood
After about ten mins of this and us buzzing around each other he asked if we wanted to chat later and I said sure of course as long as you behave like a normal adult and not like you have the last two days!
The response initially was because I was ignoring him (meaning not trying to get one word answers from him or doing the normal)he thought I didn't want to speak to him.
Told him I didn't particularly as his attitude stank and I can't be doing with it so either he can deal with things like most of us do and we can resolve anything or he can behave like that and eventually il get pissed of with it and things will go south.
Sometimes they just need reminding that they're behaving like kids.
On the other side of the coin on occasion I've thrown my toys out of the pram aswell so it works both ways

BertrandRussell · 12/04/2017 07:48

"Men don't grow up..
Their toys just get more expensive."

Oh, ffs!

tigercub50 · 12/04/2017 07:44

Not really Rhiwrites - I was tidying the dining room & found it in a pile. We hadn't hung one in the kitchen & the hook was still up from before so I thought it might be useful to put it up.

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RhiWrites · 12/04/2017 07:37

Is this calendar particularly precious to you? It has rips and holes and yet you're trying to salvage it.

sandgrown · 12/04/2017 07:36

My DH' s stock excuse for not doing any "man jobs" round the house is that I would just criticise the way he does things. I try now to not say anything. When I do the jobs myself he always has to comment on how he would have done it!

tigercub50 · 12/04/2017 07:29

I think the best thing would have been to walk away & leave him to it. I asked him to fix the calendar because I was unsure how to do it myself ( I have a bit of a visual spatial problem so would have struggled to get the hole punch in the right place). We do love each other & a lot of the time get on very well. My DH is trying very hard to change some of his behaviour & he is on the waiting list for CBT. It's just the childish reactions that really get to me but maybe I have to look at my behaviour too

OP posts:

neonrainbow · 12/04/2017 04:36

If you're spending your time bitching at each other about such inconsequential things and you've had years of problems why are you still flogging this dead horse? Certainly doesn't sound like you love or even like each other.

Plunkette · 12/04/2017 03:58

So, if I understand correctly, you asked him to fix the calendar (why?) got offended by him complaining you'd punched the holes incorrectly and made a sarky comment about his wallpapering behaviour?

I might have told you to do it yourself too...

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent · 12/04/2017 03:07

Men don't grow up..
Their toys just get more expensive.

Toadinthehole · 12/04/2017 01:44

Sounds like six of one and half a dozen of the other, thb.

OP, the best thing you said is that we all have our moments. It seems you're having one right now.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 12/04/2017 01:22

Oh god, I'm feeling drained just reading about you policing every word you say to check whether it could be interpreted as sarcastic or nagging or critical or anything.

FFS I am getting depressed listing all the things you have to be careful about.

It sounds like an awfully wearing life. Do you even feel happy and relaxed around him?

tigercub50 · 11/04/2017 22:57

I didn't tell him off. I said that I thought he was blaming me for the torn calendar. Admittedly I had punched holes in the wrong place but that didn't affect the condition the calendar was already in. And I haven't said I'm not willing to help. I just know from past experience that it would be better to leave him to it for something stressful like wallpapering. When I said what I did, I meant if he could get worked up about the calendar then I wouldn't want to be around when he was decorating but it wasn't meant to be critical

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justmatureenough2bdad · 11/04/2017 22:47

Yes of course...man getting annoyed at being told off like a child and then implicitly told to get on with the wallpapering.... obviously childish. Maybe don't nitpick about tasks you've asked him to do and make light of onerous jobs you want him to do but don't seem willing to help out with...

tigercub50 · 11/04/2017 22:39

RunRabbitRunRabbit, he was fixing a calendar - it's hard to explain but he just has this way with him when he's doing something I've asked him to do. The calendar was already ripped but he was making out that by me doing what he'd suggested ( make the hole bigger with a hole punch), I had ripped it. It was all something & nothing really. He denies what he's said too. Also he was doing something else when I mentioned the calendar so apparently that was wrong timing but in fact I hadn't asked him to help immediately. He says it's his nature to help but this kind of thing has happened before & I end up wishing I hadn't bloody mentioned it!

OP posts:

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IAmNotAWitch · 11/04/2017 22:39

No. And I don't understand half the shit women on here put up with on a regular basis.

On wallpapering though, get a professional. Or paint instead. Wallpaper is evil.

xrayyankeezulu · 11/04/2017 22:37

Yes DH actually requires more effort to take care of than DD, she's capable & willing to do things for herself, a notion he has yet to grasp by 34!!

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 11/04/2017 22:27

That whole interaction is weird.

What do you mean about him being a certain way ? Do you mean he was being a twat spoiling for a fight?

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