Babysitting arrangement AIBU

[fortheroses76]

This just niggles and I would NEVER dream of saying anything just wondered what other thought.
Recently, I had to change my hours. To cut a long story short, my MIL agreed to come over and take children to school and be there for pick up. She isn't local and we have been extremely grateful for this as without her I am not sure i could have changed my hours.
However, ever since she started she has chosen to go away on holiday during term time. My DH says we should just be thankful that she does this for us. I agree but it is irritating as it means other arrangements have to be made. Its not just for a few days but it can be for two weeks/ten days etc. She also seems to do this just before/after a school holiday. I appreciate how much she does for us and that non term holidays are cheaper but just wanted others views on this. Its always bugged me a bit.

[OlennasWimple]

I understand your point (I think): it can be harder to sort out reliable ad hoc care than finding something regular. But as long as you get enough notice to find cover / book annual leave, I don't think you can complain to her and "ban" her from taking a holiday during school time.

[fortheroses76]

We have tried. She gives it back. We give her tangible things instead like wine!!!!

[fortheroses76]

I would never complain.
I am very grateful.
Just wanted to hear others ideas and get a reality check.

[SafeToCross]

It might mean the arrangement doesn't really work for you though - if you are having to call in favours or take time off. Does DH do his fair share of covering the gaps? Otherwise it is a problem, even though not unreasonable on her part.

[19lottie82]

I think the problem here is that although parents should be very grateful when relatives offer to help out after school, it can be very frustrating when they say they can't make it on short notice, as they prob don't realise how much of a hassle it is to find short term childcare at such short notice.

I'm afraid however, as you're not paying her YABU (although I feel your frustration).
The only real solution here would be to put your kids into (paid) childcare full time, but obviously that's going to be expensive.

[fortheroses76]

which i have now and am grateful to all those who have responded.
I will never roll my eyes at my dh again!!!! :)

[mollyblack]

YABU

[LocoMoco]

YABU. It's completely reasonable for her to have holidays.

[fortheroses76]

Thank you lottie. What you have to say makes a lot of sense and in a nice way.

[fortheroses76]

Thank you everyone. I just wanted to be told.

[Birdsgottaf1y]

I help out with childcare and have my GD overnight, which I love.

But would I hell pay School holiday prices and go when everywhere is full of children.

That's one of the perks of your children growing up.

[fortheroses76]

and btw, not that i want to continue it but im not saying she shouldnt go on holiday - but its never in the summer when i am off.
Anway, point taken.

[fortheroses76]

I never thought about it that way. Birds. God yes. No children. I agree :)

[fortheroses76]

So everyone is agreeing that its fair.
Thats good. I will smile and be thankful.
Thank you.

[SpreadYourHappiness]

YABVU. You can't seriously expect her to take holidays when it conveniences you. How ridiculous.

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

My parents do 2 days a week. They probably take 2-3 holidays a year and we have to make alternative arrangements. It's a pain, but that's the nature of family arrangements. Suck it up or 'sack her' and pay the going rate to someone who doesn't love your child nearly so much.

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

Glad you've taken the advice on board.

[neveradullmoment99]

I have a similar situation. I agree its frustratiing sometimes but she really is doing you a favour.
Just smile and be happy.

[greeeen]

YABU

[WankersHacksandThieves]

I think the question to you is, given that you presumably had no choice about the hours change, what would you have done if MIL hadn't said she could help you? And, if she said she could help you most weeks but she would be on holiday sometimes during term time and unable to help, would you have still accepted the help?

[Ewock]

It is good that you have been open to the advice given. We are in a similar position my parents do 3 days childcare for us a week (we are extremely lucky). However when we discussed the practicalities I made it clear that they should take holidays when they wanted and not in achool holidays. I think it is unfair to expect them to pay extra and go at busier times.

[NoLotteryWinYet]

also, think of the value to your DC of seeing their GM that much, rather than being stuck in boring ASCs. Caring family member rather than paid employee?

[NoLotteryWinYet]

There's no childcare option without a downside, you pick your downsides based on your available options.

[NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom]

I'm in the same position as you, right down to the 2 days. Whilst it's a pia she is providing free childcare, my mil has recently started a role which means she's now also tied to the school holidays but when she wasn't DH & I took leave or the DC went to brekkie & after school club.

[Headofthehive55]

I get you.
I know someone who encouraged her daughter to work, saying she'd look after the children, but the next minute she was off on holiday, leaving childcare issues. Childcare does need to be consistant otherwise it's not an offer that works. You can't really offer to have children when you feel like it - it just doesn't work like that and you can't always get cover for the other days.