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AIBU?

Botox for dh & highlights for me

51 replies

BreakfastMuffin · 23/03/2017 09:18

Dh is nearing 50 and feeling old and wrinkly. Went to get botox done and likes it, wants to do it again plus fillers. I don't like the idea that he wants to spend all this money on something I don't think is important. He's still who he is botox or no botox. He says why don't I stop going to the hairdresser's getting my hair done and let the roots grow out as it's the same thing. We're not poor but by no means are we rich either. I am trying to see how getting one's hair done is the same as botox. Wdyt.

OP posts:

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BreakfastMuffin · 23/03/2017 10:56

Soprano - so does he, has a cut a colour to cover the grey regularly. Although it is obviously cheaper than highlights.

OP posts:

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 23/03/2017 10:58

Same on vanity/spending, maybe different on risk.

squoosh · 23/03/2017 11:02

Yuck. Don't think I could fancy a man who had fillers and botox.

See also, fake tan and shaved legs.

tigermoll · 23/03/2017 11:07

I don't think this is about money, or the differences between botox and hair bleach. This is about you feeling uncomfortable with your partner caring about how he looks. There is a massive double standard about the way men and women are supposed to view their appearance, and I think that's what's bothering you.

Men aren't supposed to care at all -- vanity and worries about aging are "unmanly", a proper man never looks in the mirror, doesn't spend more than a tenner on a haircut, wouldn't notice if you threw away all his clothes and bought him new ones, etc.

Women are "allowed" to care (by which I mean encouraged and even forced) because appearance is seen as central to a woman's worth. OF COURSE a woman wants to maximise how young and pretty she looks, because what she loses as she ages is seen as irreplaceable.

So, for example, you would like to have laser hair removal and hair highlighting. That's totally fine and your choice. But you expect your DP to only "care about what is on the inside" and not want botox?

Ecureuil · 23/03/2017 11:14

Well put tigermoll. It seems to be ok for you OP to care about your appearance but you expect your DH to be just about 'what's on the inside'.

SheSaidHeSaid · 23/03/2017 11:19

I'm with your DH on this.

If you can afford it, do it but just make sure you go to someone reputable.

theBaldSoprano · 23/03/2017 11:23

a proper man never looks in the mirror

You have never been in my gym, there are more selfies of guys showing off their muscles than of girls showing their bum!

Pinkheart5915 · 23/03/2017 11:25

If your dh wants to spend his money that he can afford on Botox why can't he? Why does it matter it's not important you to? His an adult is he not?

If he told you not to get your hair done as it wasn't important to him would you stop?

tigermoll · 23/03/2017 11:36

Sorry, just in case it wasn't clear from my post -- I am NOT in favour of the double standard, I was just pointing it out. Personally I think that gender roles are bullshit and I love a guy in makeup

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter · 23/03/2017 11:52

If he wants to spend money he can afford on Botox your not his mother so you can't tell him what to do!

Me having my hair dyed, nails done are not important to dh but if he told me "it wasn't important to him so I shouldn't do it" I'd tell him in no uncertain terms to fuck off.

Bluntness100 · 23/03/2017 12:14

Op, how much younger than him are you? Colouring his hair, Botox, fillers, that's quite a lot for a man to do to be fair. Although I think plenty of men do this and simoly don't admit it, it's normally the hair dye that's the more apparent.

However plenty of women do it also and I do think you're displaying double standards, where it's ok for you to care about your appearance but for him it should be about what's on the inside only.

Could your age differential be having an impact on him? Or does he work in an environment where aging is not seen as a positive?

kmc1111 · 23/03/2017 12:15

I'm with your DH. Sure you need to trim your hair, but dying it, getting highlights and getting an actual haircut and not just a few centimetres lopped off (which you could do yourself) is totally unnecessary. It's about vanity just as much as Botox is. Which is fine, but don't pretend getting highlights is a need and not a want.

HmmmHashtag · 23/03/2017 14:49

statetrooperstacey

It doesn't need doing every 3/4 months at all. Also it's not a commitment, you can stop any time without your face falling off or turning into Gordon Ramsey overnight !

Ummmm... Yes it does it you want good results. It can be addictive and many people go back within the 3-4 month period as that is when the lines start to show again.

And I didn't say anything about anyone's face falling off

Truckingalong · 23/03/2017 15:03

No hashtag, it really doesn't need doing every 3-4 months at all. Everyone is different. My Botox for 11s lasts me about 6-9 months.

statetrooperstacey · 23/03/2017 15:15

What I meant was nothing awful will happen if you stop having it, therefore it is not a serious commitment that has to be thought long and hard about first .
And yours may have started to wear off after 4 months but mine certainly did not.

HmmmHashtag · 23/03/2017 15:46

Ok well my apologies, I have been having botox for 6 years and I tend to start to notice lines coming back after 3 months. And that's with different doctors.

HmmmHashtag · 23/03/2017 15:46

That should say been having it regularly for 6 years

Bluntness100 · 23/03/2017 15:53

Can't believe there is a bun fight about how long Botox lasts,,😂

It on average does last three to four months, if someone is making it last between six and nine it's very very unusual but possible.

Truckingalong · 23/03/2017 16:35

Ive heard loads of people say that their Botox lasts that length of time. 3-4 months is nothing and I'd be well pissed off if I only got that long out of it.

Bluntness100 · 23/03/2017 16:37

Who are you chucking s bun at and why? 😂

minipie · 23/03/2017 16:48

I think there is a big difference but it's based on health risk not on necessity.

Hair is dead and colouring hair doesn't carry risk. Botox and fillers you are putting chemicals, known toxins, into your live flesh.

If I were you OP I would research the health risks of Botox/fillers (and the unknowns, it hasn't been around that long) and focus on that rather than the cost aspect.

lemontoast · 23/03/2017 16:54

Actually, colouring hair does carry a risk.

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minipie · 23/03/2017 17:18

Not if they stay well away from the scalp - or so I thought? Happy to be corrected.

lemontoast · 23/03/2017 18:32

I hope so. mini l'm leaning toward high- lights soon. I'm concerned about allergic reaction though? :)

lemontoast · 23/03/2017 18:34

My earlier response looked a bit curt, sorry - l was thinking out loud and about all over colour!

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