AIBU to expect DD to not be judged on size?

[Nashanoo13]

We currently have two issues swimming and school 😔

School - DD1 is 4 and is in her first year, she is able to read and write simple words, write her own name and count any amount of things... at home.
Having just had her first parents evening I'm at a loss at what to do 😔 They say she can't do any of these things and has shown no signs that she is ready. (This was prompted by me asking about reading books, several classmates have come out with them but DD has not.)

Swimming - She has been swimming since tiny but since moving swim school we've struggled to find anywhere that won't put her back down to the start. I'm so exasperated by the whole thing if she didn't beg to go everyday I'd have sacked it off ages ago

She's tiny anyway and quite babyish looking and this seems to get in the way of people seeing that she can do things. She's too quiet to stand up for herself so just gets upset when we leave. She often asks why XYZ won't let her do the things the same as the others.

Is this something that will right itself? What do I do as I'm so stuck and feel really upset for her 😭

[Astoria7974]

Ye my dsd was told she couldn't read at nursery too. I insisted she could and got her to read something out fluently in front of her teacher who was shocked. The reason was that the teacher naively assumed that my clever dd was reading along the other slower students but she wasn't she was reading ahead (and she reads in her head not aloud just like me) & so had no idea where in the book the others had got to when teacher asked. Dd is 8 now & in all the top sets & is reading similar kinds of books that I read when I was 13 (Hobbit, Journey to the Centre of the Earth etc).

[catkind]

Bravo! One down one to go.

[Nashanoo13]

Just an update on swimming.

Had swimming today spoke to the teacher and receptionist. I insisted on watching with them, they started by saying she wasn't up to it, but when I pointed out two children who in my opinion appeared a similar level within the class they then watched the class as a whole and agreed. In fact they said she was better than others in surprised voice They did also say it was due to her size they had expected less 🙄 Least it's sorted now!!

[underneaththeash]

Not all teachers are competent unfortunately. Some are also just overwhelmed and the quiet child get assessment incorrectly.
Ds1, when he was in reception was bring sent home with books way below his level and we just subscribed to this;
www.readingchest.co.uk

DD had the opposite problem in reception we, were being sent home books before she could actually blend and I had to go in and ask the teacher if we could just work on blending first.

Its only reception and getting them used to the structure of school and teaching them how to behave and socialise with others is a big part of their first year. I wouldn't worry too much at this stage.

[Nashanoo13]

Haha I shall have to teach her the death stare!!!

She's treated completely normally at dance/gymnastics and therefore acts as such!

[IhatchedaSnorlax]

My DS had this in Reception - he seemed well ahead at home but we got a shock at parents evening when his teacher said he couldn't read or do maths at all.

When we asked him about it, he said he thought it was funny to trick the teacher!! I honestly think, however, that it was a confidence thing as by the end of the year he was flying.

[Nashanoo13]

She's been in school since Sept and back then they said she was fine , happy and bubbly like she's always been there. Fast forward now and she's made no progress 😔 and is quiet and shy 😭

Swimmings tomorrow so I'll say that, strangely enough the receptionist seems to have the final say as I already spoke to the teacher and he was impressed. 🤔 He did mention her size and said he was surprised at how well she did.

[catkind]

Weird then, would definitely ask what exactly they are seeing/not seeing, if only from a what can we help with at home point of view.

[SafeToCross]

I hear you, I was so happy when dd2s first reception teacher (very experienced) saw her as competent and self-contained rather than going on about how cute she was like everyone else. It gave her a good start. She does, however, continue to be taken for much younger. At age 11 she still sometimes gets checkout staff asking her in a sing song voice 'are you helping mummy?' She gets them with the death stare though...

[Nashanoo13]

Yes she's on phonics they do jolly phonics and she blends to spell words out

[Nashanoo13]

Yes she's on phonics they do jolly phonics and she blends to spell words out

[catkind]

Just checking - on the reading, is she using phonics when reading with you? Only if she isn't able to blend that might be a reason they're not sending books home yet. I really think though you could ask for a proper meeting separate from parents evening, and ask for more explanation of what signs they're looking for, what she's not doing that they would expect. I'd find it rather disappointing that they're so vague having just had a parents evening which spelled out next steps in great detail. Has she been in school since September or Jan?

Swimming too, tell the receptionist she seems to be doing well in the current class and doesn't want to move, and if pressured ask for a chat with the teacher about what the problem is. Height could possibly be an issue with swimming if the group are moving onto stuff that requires them to be able to stand in a certain depth.

[Nashanoo13]

Thank you.
Unfortunately this is all having spoken to her teacher and having got nowhere. It is her teacher that has said she's not up to it, this is not quibbling between stages this is no book whatsoever?!
I myself am or was pre kids, a primary (yr1&2) teacher so I am aware of the way phonics etc is taught in school, or at least was in the three I've taught in.

[phlebasconsidered]

I have lost count of the times a child has apparently been able to do things at home but fails to do so at school. I think there are often a few reasons from a teachers viewpoint.

1. The child can do the reading / counting one on one with their parent. But they cannot do it independently, either because of the classroom situation, or shyness (my own daughter could read early but wouldn't read to a teacher until year 2!), or because the parent is instinctively "cuing" the child to give an answer without realising.
   
2. The child can read, but has little understanding of what they have read without a cue.
   
3. The child is simply too interested in other stuff to "perform" in a school setting.
   

Reception is, and should be, about learning through play. It is not about rushing through Biff and Chip.

Reading ability in reception has no impact on their eventual ability. My early reader child levelled out. My late reader child whizzed past her. I've seen class after class.Your efforts are best put into inferential ability and actually enjoying books rather than seeing reading as a race.

I would also say that no reception teacher worth anything will have failed to hear a child one on one at least bi-weekly. Small groups and phonics groups will also be happening. It may well be that your child can sight read but not use phonemes. Either way, before you panic, have a meeting and be prepared to listen to what the teacher has observed.

Together with year 6, Fs is the epitome of patent / teacher pressure and misconception about what actually is required. Talk to the teacher, don't assume. Good luck!

[Nashanoo13]

I've asked twice now but was met with word to word 'she has not given us any reason to believe she is ready'
I don't know what to do 😔 I feel awful like I'm failing her. Do I pull her out or keep on at them and just do masses at home? I really don't want her to feel uprooted, I already moved her to this school away from her preschool friends because I believed it was more well rounded.

[DrAbbyYates]

As far as I'm aware they've not sat down with her once one-to-one to actually see. I got this impression from both teacher and DD.

You need to clarify this urgently. It is an appalling failure on the school's part if true.

[SparklyLeprechaun]

Tbh I'd have some serious doubts about her teacher's ability to teach. Even if she started reception unable to read a word she should be able to read simple sentences by now.

I can't say anything about swimming, we switched schools 3 times and were never put as the same level as before - once higher, once lower.

[Nashanoo13]

whatsfair
This is exactly why I asked about reading books as her peers come home with them.

[Nashanoo13]

On both counts I've been in and said her level and asked them to give her a shot.
In terms of swimming she's been fine for the last 10 lessons but suddenly they seem to think she needs to move down (they resisted moving her up originally but she flew in her trial so had to). Weirdly it's the secretary that has questioned her level not the teachers.
At school they just said she's not showing them signs she's ready and that she may come home with a book in summer term but it'll be a wordless one. As far as I'm aware they've not sat down with her once one-to-one to actually see. I got this impression from both teacher and DD.

[catkind]

Did you tell the respective teachers what she can do?

DD's school had noticed she could read but not nearly the extent, we told them, they went away and reassessed, came back the next week with a completely revised set of targets and a book she'd chosen from the library with her teacher.

Similarly i can't imagine a half decent swimming teacher not letting a child swim if you tell them she can swim a length or whatever award level she had at previous school. Though swimming schools do seem to like to snub other schools - we got "we teach breathing from stage 1" so back to scratch. The local council lessons move them up fastest here, and do a proper assessment when they start. We currently have DS in a private school to learn technique and a council pool where he gets to swim with kids who eat up 100s of m rather than some who flail at 20.

[FumBluff1]

I also doubt its her size.

Why is she not reading at school when she can at home? I think she needs to be told (nicely!) that it's this that is holding her back

[whatsfair]

I don't understand why the school aren't teaching her to read though? My 4 year old started school unable to read and now she can. Isn't that the point of school? If they're under the mistaken impression she can't read or write anything shouldn't she still be bringing home basic reading books by this point in the year?

[MollyHuaCha]

When my son was eight, he achieved his 1 mile swimming award in the local swimming baths. Then we moved abroad and he went to a third rate international school where swimming did not feature highly in the curriculum. At the end of the academic year, he brought home a certificate (which had been awarded in assembly) saying 'I can now swim 25 metres'. Luckily he saw the funny side to it.

Regarding your DD, if someone doesn't tell the teacher what she can already do regarding reading and swimming, it's possible they might not find out.

[MassDebate]

The same happened with DH in his first year of school - his parents knew he could read and write but at parent's evening they were told he'd done well to be able to read a few words by the end of the year . PIL were not impressed and they decided to move him to a different school, where he thrived. I'd be questioning the school in your position as if they haven't realised your DD's ability something somewhere is going wrong.

[ScarlettFreestone]

Have you had a chat about parents' night with her?

Ask her why she isn't reading/writing/counting in school? There may be a problem you can help resolve.

"I know you can do it, it would be lovely if you could show Mrs/Mr Teacher how nicely you can read"