Why is he incapable of having one drink after work?

[countingdown2gin]

Long story short, I'm pregnant and tired and suffering from a cold, I know woe is me DS also has said cold and is feeling the effects badly today.

DH been lining up his drink after work (he works in a city a 40 min train ride away) by texting at 3 saying he's really stressed. Called at 5.15 while DS was mid meltdown, winged at how hard his day was and asked if he could go for a drink. I said yep fine will you be back for tea which he said yes to.

It's now 4 hours later. And I've battled a poorly DS to bed in an epic hour long fight. He can't even be bothered to text or try and rush home.

Is he the only person who can't just have one drink and come home?????

[Trollspoopglitter]

Nonsense. Tons of my colleagues both single and married managed one drink after work just fine for years and years. Those who had young kids always only came out for a quick one pint and it was an eyebrow raising event when they stayed for a few on the summer Friday night or two.

I can't believe how many women are brainwashed into thinking their poor husbands can't possibly leave after just one.

[witsender]

It isn't just about other plans. It is about the fact he has responsibility at home that he is expecting the wife to pick up. So yes, i would be asking if the one at home was happy to take on my half of the work while i went out and had fun, yes.

[esiotrot2015]

me and dh take it in turns to go out with friends once a week as we don't have anyone to babysit
He went out last night so it's my turn next Friday
works for us!

[Shoxfordian]

Fair enough but surely if she had plans to go out then they'd already be in the diary or he'd know about them

[witsender]

Presumably because he is expecting his wife to not have any other plans, and be happy to cover his share of the work at home Shox.

[witsender]

Who looks after the kids and does all the work while you 'do this' Trainspotting? And do you communicate when you are however many hours late?

[Shoxfordian]

What do you mean he asks if he can go for a drink? Why does he need your permission?!

[BeMorePanda]

Is the problem he says one drink and has more, or is the problem
He is having a social life once a week with his colleagues?

Does he say "just one" or ramp it up during the day, because you'd object to him going out for drinks if he raised the subject earlier?

I don't see the problem at all with people having a night out. You need to ensure you get some time to yourself too OP, whether it's going out or doing something else, take some time.

Resentment becomes pretty toxic in a relationship.

Could you perhaps compromise - suggest he goes out for drinks with colleagues every fortnight, and spends every other Friday with you? This way he can drop the charade/dance of going for one, and you know what to Expect?

[countingdown2gin]

No I wouldn't lock him out but we have a perfectly good spare bed he can go to while i starfish in our bed!!

[disappearingfish]

Yep. Agree with others. Up bright and early and head out for the morning leaving him with the toddler.

Then sit him down and tell him to stop being a massive arsehole.

[Trainspotting1984]

I do this. no one goes for one drink! Locking out is a massive over reaction, i would think you quite mental if you did it to me (and just bang until you let me in- where on earth would you expect me to go?!)

[Wolfiefan]

So point out it is unfair and book a night away or evening out.
Wake him up bright and early tomorrow am. Have an early hair appointment!

[countingdown2gin]

Haha that's a good typo. And the highlight of my evening!

[Janeofalltrades1]

I would've locked him out!

Hope you and your DS feel better soon.

[rollonthesummer]

Come now, don't go shitting any doors-you'll only have to clear it all up

[countingdown2gin]

arch that's exactly it, he will be mildly hungover tomorrow now which adds to the annoyance.


I've put myself to bed with the iPad and shit the bedroom door. Hopefully he'll get the hint and piss off go to the spare room.

[Sunshineandlaughter]

That's pretty disrespectful of him. I'd be mad as hell especially if it happens a lot.

[countingdown2gin]

wolfie no not really. He works away a lot or does long hours so it's not often an option. I do get the odd weekend night with mummy friends but it's probably once a night.

[ArchNotImpudent]

He's not the only one - I'm the same. That's why I rarely go for after work drinks these days - it means writing the next day off with a hangover .

[Rioja123]

Make sure you have a night out tomorrow then!

[poppy2021]

Go to bed and lock him out

[Wolfiefan]

Do you get the same time off? Do you have a good balance of family time? If not then I would be pissed off!

[countingdown2gin]

wolfie not as much as he used to as we have moved out a bit further from his work. But he still meets friends a at least once a week or will have a weekend day of drinking so I don't think I'm BU when I get irritated!

[Emphasise]

I don't think it's unreasonable occasionally to stay out after work but you need to occasionally be able to do it too.

[Zafodbeeblbrox10]

One drink often leads to another in a social setting, causing decreased coherence and a warm fuzzy feeling. As pp said it's often better not going for after work drinks at all.. esp with a pg oh