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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My son doesn't seem to like me

32 replies

stressteddy · 04/03/2007 12:43

I have a 21 month old son who has never been particularly bothered if I am around or not. I am a full time mum and know that other people have novelty value. I am finding this more and more upsetting as he doesn't even wnat me in the room with him and his father sometimes. I adore him and would do anything for him. I always thought a child wanted their mother when they were poorly, but he never has. He always wants his daddy. I can admit that I am a little envious of their relationship but it is the fact that he rejects me so much I can't stand. Please help me as I am feeling like a complete failure

OP posts:

fryalot · 04/03/2007 12:46

my dd2 was like that until she got to about 27/28 months. Now she won't leave my side and cries if anyone else comes near.

All children have their own little foibles, and I know it's upsetting, but he will grow out of it.

welcome to mn, btw

WinkyWinkola · 04/03/2007 12:51

My 22 month old son isn't particularly bothered about me either. He too adores his dad and only ever wants him. It used to really bother me but now I'm quite pleased about it because I get a breather at the weekends when dad is about.

I just think it's because he, like all kids with their mums, takes me for granted. Are you always there, always with him? He'll be a very secure little boy which is great!

And it will probably change too. Bet you this time next year he's hanging off you and you post saying he's too clingy! Don't be too hard on yourself and don't take it too personally.

Original poster

stressteddy · 04/03/2007 12:53

Thank you so much. I thought I was the only one. (you know you never are) it's just so hurtful and i do wonder if he's doing it on purpose sometimes because he knows I want him to love me!! Needy or what?

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zoepybus · 04/03/2007 12:54

Hi stressteddy - wow, haven't got any real advice but PLEASE don't feel like a failure, our kids have great way of making us mums feal totally inadequate! I'm sure he'll soon develop a close bond with you, just as the previous message said, but in the meantime make he most of having the space, I have 3 girls and it can get stiffling when they all want your attention 24/7, and my DH doesn't get a look in. I am sure he loves his mummy very much and would be devastated if you weren't around, he's so used to you being there he doesn't need to panic if you leave the room because he obviously is coinfident to know you aren't far away. I'm sure they'll be an extra specail message from you DS on mothers day!

fryalot · 04/03/2007 12:55

it's because he is so secure in your love that he feels no need to "try" with you. Honestly, I know it feels awful, but it's not necessarily a bad thing. Imagine if he was one of those clingy kids who scream blue murder every time any one else wants to say hello (I know about this because I have one of them as well!)

You're doing ok.

Original poster

stressteddy · 04/03/2007 12:55

Thanks for the welcome squonk. What does btw mean though?

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fryalot · 04/03/2007 12:56

by the way

SherlockLGJ · 04/03/2007 12:57

My DS used to be a Daddy's boy, but now it is pretty much 50/50. I asked him when he was about three or four why he always wanted Daddy, he replied because you are my Mummy and you are always here.

DH gets him dressed in the morning, and then leaves for work, then gets home in time to bath him.

Me..........I am always here seemingly...

Original poster

stressteddy · 04/03/2007 12:57

Oh my god, this is brilliant. You are all really making me feel better. I am actually crying as I write this the relief is so amazing. Thank you thank you XX

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fryalot · 04/03/2007 12:58

zoepybus · 04/03/2007 13:03

Hey - what are friends for !!

Original poster

stressteddy · 04/03/2007 13:03

The optimist in me says "thank goodness it might balance out in the future" but the pessimist says "what if it doesn't?" I look at other mothers and their clingy children and actually want that. I know it would be a different story if it was the case...but you know, the grass is always greener......

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zoepybus · 04/03/2007 13:08

I know what you mean, Iwould give anything for my DH to ba able to take over the kids - even for one day, but it just doesn't happen despite his best efforts. Had to come home early from a trip to Australia last month because the family were literally falling apart. First time I've been way on my own in 12 years and it almost ended in disaster! But on the other hand - it's nice to know they can't live witout me!

Original poster

stressteddy · 04/03/2007 13:14

I would love that! I feel as if I could go away for a very long time and my son wouldn't even notice. I know he's very secure and very sociable. I think I always had a view of mums and their sons. How wrong can one be!!?

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fryalot · 04/03/2007 13:15

my two dds have always been confident, and not really bothered about me, so when ds was born and was obviously a mummy's boy, I was over the moon - yahay, I have a child that likes me!!!

He's just getting over being quite ill and I have not been able to move off the settee. Every time I try to leave the room, he screams, he won't go to his dad, his big sister, grandma - no one will do but me. I am EXHAUSTED and, much as I love him, and enjoy the fact that he obviously loves me, I would (at the moment) give anything to have what I had with the girls - even though at the time I felt unwanted. (does that all make sense?)

Original poster

stressteddy · 04/03/2007 13:18

See, we always want waht we haven't got. Emotions are very cruel aren't they? Hope all better now.

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zoepybus · 04/03/2007 13:19

Hey, I don't know what your situation is but maybe take yourself away somewhere that you've always wanted to go. You know your son will be totally looked after by a daddy that he adores, and I'll bet you there will be one very happy little boy when mummy comes home! Also a break can always put a fresh view on a situation - even if you just treat yourself to a weekend in a health spa or something! As us mums to clingy babies keep saying - make the most of the space whilst he's happy to let you go. This time next year you might not even be able to go to the loo alone!

fryalot · 04/03/2007 13:19

yeah, he's fine now. How about you? You feeling better?

Original poster

stressteddy · 04/03/2007 13:21

Loads better thanks.This site totally rocks. I haven't felt so understood since he was born!! Really appreciate it

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fryalot · 04/03/2007 13:24

Flossam · 04/03/2007 13:30

DS is mainly a daddy's boy. But I still know he adores me really. Like this morning we all had a cuddle in bed and he was stroking my face and gazing up at me, ahhh! Daddy is more prone to giving out biscuits and less prone to telling off so it is no wonder really. He's 27months btw, and I've almost always found that the favourite one does vary a bit (although it's been daddy for ages). So as everyone else has said you are not alone!

Original poster

stressteddy · 04/03/2007 13:34

What a contrast to my morning. I went into him and he started saying "no" in a very upset way and pushing me away. Very upsetting.

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fryalot · 04/03/2007 13:47

next time, just say ok and take the opportunity to go and make yourself a cup of tea.

You are doing fine.

Honestly.

yellowrose · 04/03/2007 14:19

Ah stress, PLEASE don't think that. Toddlers love their mums ! A 21 month old is going through lots of emotional and physical changes, they can be moody little things !

My ds (2.8 yo) whom I have an extremely close, physical bond with, totally ignores me and goes off to another room to play with daddy the minute daddy gets home. He doesn't see daddy most of the day, so this is a natural reaction. He does the same with other adults. I am sure he gets bored with me sometimes as I am a SAHM !

Also if your son is that comfortable with other adults that is extremely GOOD news. It is the sign of an independent, confident child. You would find it far more stressful if he clung to you all the time.

Original poster

stressteddy · 04/03/2007 14:23

Thank you yellowrose. You and all others here have really given me a boost. I will defo try to give it a different perspective from now on...knowing that I am not alone really helps

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