To take myself off antidepressants...

[KoalaDownUnder]

...against my GP's advice?

I am on 20 mg daily of escitalopram (Lexapro). I can't take it anymore. I'm constantly tired, my head feels like it's stuffed with cotton wool, my concentration is shot. I'm apathetic and crying all the time.

Saw my GP last week and her solution is to increase the dosage to 30 mg.

AIBU to want to go the other direction and go med-free? I'm sick of medication. I am tired of the antidepressant merry-go-round; I've tried so many over the past 20 years. I feel as if I just want to start with a 'clean slate'

[Batteriesallgone]

I don't have a general view on depression. I don't buy the view for me that I just have an imbalance of chemicals, end of.

Apart from anything else the brain is incredibly plastic. Change is always possible.

Plus I have never found an AD that keeps me 'me'. Without fail they dull happiness and excitement. And orgasms. My life has to be enjoyed not just lived. So for me in my very personal case, life long ADs aren't an option.

[SwotAnalysis]

Okay. Should I taper them at home, or run away to some health retreat thing?

You should tell you Dr that you are going to stop taking them and then ask their advice as to the best way to do so.

This is slightly different to asking their opinion as to if you should.

[EdwardBear1920]

Koala, I've been on mental health medication for 10 years for depression and bipolar disorder.

One of the things that's been made really clear to me is that when I get urges to come off them, that's one of the first signs that they are no longer working as they should and I need to increase them.

The exhaustion, lethargy and crying are fairly usual symptoms of depression, and they might well be being caused by the illness rather than the cure.

It's a pain in the arse, and I too find it frustrating to be full of this many chemicals, but every time I have increased my medication, the symptoms tend to clear up and I turn out to be happier on them.

I would, however, try to find a doctor who will listen to you, and see if you can arrange regular check-up appointments - I have gone every fortnight during particularly tricky times, though I am now on a 3 month schedule.

I honestly would recommend first trying what the doctor suggests, and seeing how that goes for a few months.

[KoalaDownUnder]

Okay. Should I taper them at home, or run away to some health retreat thing?

[harderandharder2breathe]

If you're going to taper them then it's your choice, although id still recommend speaking again with your GP.

It's so hard to know what's side effects of meds and what's symptoms of the underlying condition that the meds aren't properly treating, you have my sympathy!

[KoalaDownUnder]

Thanks, Lemur

I want to know who I actually am when I'm off them. That's all.

[LemurintheSun]

P.S Just to be clear, KoalaDownUnder. My anti-depressants - Lofepramine - were very much needed at an earlier stage, and did not - for years - have the kind of side effects you describe. I am not against the use of anti-depressants in principle. They helped me to survive and be pretty much normal when the peri-menopause hit me hard, biologically, for reasons with a clear genetic component.

[LemurintheSun]

After years on anti-depressants I got a part-time job, and - despite the job going generally very well - started having a new set of problems, including severe insomnia and a scary feeling of swelling in the head. After various failed attempts at solving these problems with the local doctors, I recalled that my anti-depressants had initially caused insomnia until the dose was right. The doctors were sceptical that stopping the pills could possibly help or be a good idea, but had nothing much else to offer, at least in the short term. However, not taking them had an immediate and very precise result - half an hour more sleep each day, and no major issues with depression, as well as an end to the scary "headache". My view is that my biology had changed and the dose become dangerously high - probably because I was happier. My point is not that you should do the same - that could be very risky. Mine was kind of an emergency situation as far as I was concerned. I really felt that something awful was going to happen if I didn't sort out the cause of these problems, and my great little job was being put at risk too. But doctors do need to listen and explore other solutions if the medicine is not working for you. Ask to see another doctor - maybe one who specialises in mental health care. Discuss whether you could cut down and how you will manage the outcome. Or discuss an alternative medicine. Don't be fobbed off - they are not all-knowing and don't inhabit your body, so they don't know exactly what is right for you. A year on, all is pretty much well with me, thank god. No pills. Occasional anxiety issues, but not unmanageable. No intention of going back on them, unless very clearly necessary.

[KoalaDownUnder]

demented, can I ask why you came off?

[KoalaDownUnder]

Batteries - so you don't buy the theory that depression is (necessarily) a result of an imbalance in brain chemicals?

This is what I'm struggling with. The idea deprrssion has a physical basis and therefore some people should just expect to be on ADs for life.

[dementedma]

I was on 20mg Citalopram for last two years and came off them cold turkey.

Felt a bit shit for a few weeks with lots of mood swings, but ok now.

[Batteriesallgone]

Also no one else can risk assess your life for you.

I prefer a risk of depression and death to being on ADs long term. I do what I can to minimise the risks.

That is my choice and my choice alone.

[KoalaDownUnder]

This is the thing: if you're never off them, how do you know whether they're helping?

[littlefrog3]

It really depends on the individual. I know someone who came off them the second they were told they would be 'on them for life,' and although they struggled with mood swings and headaches for 3 or 4 months; they pushed through it, and came out the other side and wished they'd come off them sooner.

They said, thinking about it, they had never felt 'normal' on the meds, and always felt like they were in a bit of a daze, and that they were always walking through a light mist. Also, they struggled with emotion, and didn't cry at things everyone else cried at. Nor did they laugh at funny things; like their very soul was being eradicated.

So after 5 years on the MAXIMUM dose, they went cold turkey, (as I said, after being told they were on them for life, they said 'NO I AM NOT! and stopped taking them the next day.) They said it's the best thing they ever did.

Anti depressants should never even exist IMO. All they do is dampen and suppress the pain/the problem/the issue.

[KoalaDownUnder]

Blobby, it's interesting you should say that.

Actually, despite having a pretty good diet overall, I do think I would benefit from cutting down on sugar. Hmm.

[Blobby10]

Koala Before you start cutting back on the tablets, have you tried adjusting your diet? I've been on 20mg daily Citalopram for several years and have resigned myself to being on them for another year or so due to personal circumstances. However I do get the foggy dozy symptoms you describe and have noticed its worse when I have a lot of sugar and carbs in my diet. My March challenge is to cut out chocolate and right down on biscuits and carbs. I'm already feeling more alert and its only 5 days in!!

[AwaywiththePixies27]

klaphat and allchattedout. Okay sorry I was just saying from my experience.

[KoalaDownUnder]

Batteries, a lot, over the years.

Stopped seeing current pyschologist a few months ago, as I couldn't afford the $70 gap payment got something that didn't feel v effective.

[Batteriesallgone]

How much therapy have you had?

[KoalaDownUnder]

Thanks for all posts, btw.

[KoalaDownUnder]

To answer some questions:

• been on nearly every type of AD known to man over past 20 years: most recently Effexor, Pristiq and Lexapro
  

• have felt suicidal but not for years, and have never attempted it.
  

• have seen 4 or 5 GPs over past few years
  

• was originally taking 30 mg Lexapro last year, scaled down to 20 mg due to awful side effects (headaches and night sweats), and now GP wants me to increase again
  

To reiterate: I will definitely taper, not go cold turkey.

[tigerdriverII]

Gosh I do get where you're coming from especially with head full of cotton wool feeling.

Although as PP have said, crying and tiredness do need addressing.

Have you tried any sort of talking therapy? I've very recently weaned off what was a high dose of Sertraline after a couple of years on it and several other similar ADs before that. It's not the only thing that's helped but I started having weekly counselling about three months ago and I'm convinced that has helped with my recovery.

[SwotAnalysis]

Nobody wants to be the GP whose patient comes off ADs and tops themselves.

You acknowledge that patients who stop their AD meds can become someone who tops themselves. You clearly understand the risks but as is often the case with people with MH problems, you're distancing yourself from the facts.

I did stop bi-polar meds 15 years ago and (touch wood) haven't needed them since but it was with a Dr's advice and weaning myself as opposed to simply going cold turkey.

As a PP said, I've learnt coping strategies for my MH. I do have more symptoms than when on the meds but they aren;t endangering and on balance, I'd rather cope with it than go through life in the dulled state I felt on the meds.

I would suggest finding a different doctor but do take their advice. No one knows how you feel better than you but, you have no training and perhaps don't appreciate the full repercussions of throwing the ADs in the bin one night. You say "every GP's solution". How many have you seen? Have you explicitly told them you want them gone? Again, I'm not an expert in the area but surely if you tell them you are going to stop then their job is to help you do it safely. Vaguely similar to giving a 14 year old contraception as opposed to a lecture on 'waiting'.

[allchattedout]

Sorry, escitalopram

[allchattedout]

Agree with the pp. Sertraline is used in higher doses. The normal dose for citalopram is 20 mg.