Should I have let her sort it

[madmoon]

So my daughter is 16 and as long as she has walked this earth she has been strong willed, independent, opinionated , she has high standards and can have some very good morals , if she believes an injustice has been made she will fight your corner regardless of the outcome to herself , she won't lie if she done it she just say she's not scared to admit when she's wrong.

Now as you can probably imagine this means that raising her has been turmoil, at school she has a reputation, most teachers love her but feel she sometimes over steps the mark ( they are correct) if and when she has issues at school I will sit with her and discuss the issue and at time put punishments in place , she does not walk over and will tell me things about her life that some parents don't get ,
Recently at school there was an incident where her form tutor asked her to stay back before English , she didn't she said the reason behind this was because she been late too English previous and didn't want to get the point on her card ( to enable her to graduate) .
Her tutor went to her lesson and tore into her in front of the teacher , he called her rude , selfish and her behaviour was moronic.
Since that his attitude ( obviously this is going by my daughter and some of her mates! ) has changed to my daughter he doesn't call her by her name , apparently sneers at her and picks fault with everything she does ! Again I can't say this is 100% correct as I am not there.
Form tutor rang me Wednesday and we had a conversation where he told me that he didn't realise a pupil could produce so much emotion in him , he asked if I could speak to my daughter as he felt she was holding it against him,
I told him that whilst I know my daughter is hard work , that by humiliating her he's probably pushed her too far , I asked if he felt he now had an issue with my child he said he didn't he think she's great and that they both over stepped the mark.
I arranged with him a meeting for him , my child and the year head for today.
I spoke to my daughter , and we discussed the issue , I told her that in life she will meet ppl she doesn't agree with and she needs to learn to control her opinions and feelings , that sometimes you just can't have it your way.
Do you think the way I approached this being unreasonable, my husband was upset that I didn't leave it and just punish her , I felt that between her and the teacher they both admitted they were somewhat at fault - am I wrong. I need another perspective.

[madmoon]

Unfortunate I am uk

[DJBaggySmalls]

YANBU. The teacher is being unreasonable and unprofessional. Your daughter presumably had to prove her appt to the school office. They would have informed him.
I'd be concerned at his reaction. I had a teacher like that; I was like your daughter.

[madmoon]

I'mnotaslimjim I think my oh would prefer she doesn't go out for a week so he can then sit there and wine that's she's driving him mad ,

[unfortunateevents]

Sorry I assumed you could not be UK because of the talk of points on her card which would prevent her from graduating. What is that all about? Doesn't sound like anything in any school I have every known.

[madmoon]

It's hard to explain in our school they have to get so many points you get these points by handing in course work correct uniform , behaviour , not being late etc , then of course the school work it's self . The scheme has a name but at present I can't remember it. ( I think I used the incorrect term graduate , but basically with out these points thy can't go to the prom )

[Trifleorbust]

They would have informed him.

Not necessarily true at all. And irrelevant. If a teacher asks a student to stay behind, the student stays.

[madmoon]

I agree to an extent and I always tell
Her that if ur asked to do what ever u do it regardless , she decided unfortunately for her that the wrath of her English teacher was going to be worse than her tutor , who previously she's had a fab relationship with , he's been her tutor since yr 7 she now yr 11 , she was wrong a mistake I don't think she will repeat.

[Trifleorbust]

I hope you're right, OP.

I think she's a smart cookie who has worked out how to play adults, tbh. No way is this true of a bright, independently minded 16 year old:

she decided unfortunately for her that the wrath of her English teacher was going to be worse than her tutor

A student staying behind at form time is no less than a daily occurrence in a secondary school. Your DD will have known, 100%, that she would not be in trouble for lateness if she was with another teacher. She didn't stay because she didn't want to stay. Simple as.

[madmoon]

Your DD will have known, 100%, that she would not be in trouble for lateness if she was with another teacher. She didn't stay because she didn't want to stay. Simple as.

And you could be entirely right,