Depression and anxiety

[lavei]

Currently on mat leave so watching a lot of day time telly. Also part of another few parenting forums.
Everywhere I turn, I seem to come across people with depressions and anxiety. On every show (rinder, Kyle, Judy etc) everyone has an excuse why they can't do basic things such as pay rent, tidy their home etc because they have depression or anxiety. On another forum I am on, every mother either has mental health issues, depression or anxiety whenever someone disagrees with something they have posted which means you have to be nice to them.
I'm fed up with people using depression and anxiety as an excuse for everything!
There are people out there who genuinely suffer from these thing and trust me I have seen first hand how true depression affects a whole family and I find it really frustrating that people think, oh I'm sad or struggling, must be depression.
Does anyone else feel this way?
This post is not made to disrespect anyone who is suffering, just those who like to jump on the bandwagon

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

It's shit, it really is. But it's not depression.

Maybe tell the GPS, consultants and therapists that I have seen then.

[likeacrow]

PigletWasPoohsFriend wasn't she talking about herself, not you?

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

PigletWasPoohsFriend wasn't she talking about herself, not you?

Their actual words were

PigletWasPoohsFriend It's shit, it really is. But it's not depression'

So if they weren't taking about me then maybe don't use my name.

[likeacrow]

Oh right. Fair enough.

[OhhBetty]

According to WHO 1 in 4 will have a mental illness at some point in their lives so it's hardly surprising.

[IateallthePies654]

Well people are not going to start threads about what great mental health they have are they? nor would it make good television.

[RhodaBorrocks]

To be honest, as someone with D&A I don't expect or demand people be nice to me. That's ridiculous.

However, I do ask them to refrain from telling me my mental state, which has been diagnosed by professionals, is not 'true' depression.

[mrsBeverleygoldberg]

Monkey, you are being really hard on yourself. It's not a case of giving yourself a stern talking to. You need to love and take care of yourself. Stick with therapy and you will find forgiveness and be kinder to yourself. You are ill with bipolar and anxiety. They are medical conditions that need treatment. You wouldn't tell a cancer patient to man up and get a grip to cure themselves.

[lavei]

I think perhaps I was not clear or people have misunderstood me.
I know depression and anxiety are very real. As I say I have seen first hand how depression can tear someone's life apart. What boils my piss are those who claim to have it to explain their life failings. For example, a girl I work with spreads rumours, stirs shit, is homophobic (because she was chased by a lesbian once ) and more, but she is depressed whenever I have to pull her on her actions (I am her manager). She blames her bad work ethic and the fact that I can't seem to give her any task on her 'depression'. This is self diagnosed, I know this as I have asked for dr notes. She literally decided that one of my other staff was doing drugs because she had seen pills in his bag (his actual medication for his mental health) and told everyone. Before I knew it he had attempted suicide.

People like this make those who genuinely suffer feel like they can't speak out or seek help. I know this girl and her family so the lies she tells (father died apparently which triggered her depression- he didn't btw) are ridiculous!

Oh I know that rinder, Kyle etc are all a load of crap but we all have our guilty pleasures! I myself have suffered from eating disorders so I do have an understanding of mental health issues people can suffer from.

[JuneBuggy]

But lavei, how could you possibly know that they don't have it? Or that it isn't affecting them in that way?

If you yourself have had MH issues, you should really know better.

[ilovechocolate07]

It's a tough one. I think I know who you're referring to. Was it the man on Rinder? I do suffer with anxiety and it has cropped up once or twice majorly in my life and manifested itself as body dismorphic disorder and general anxiety disorder. I seem to be able to get myself over it and do normal everyday tasks. Sometimes I struggle but I muddle through and I'm fine and sometimes I feel strong and 'normal' so I could easily have a similar view but I am also the child of someone who has not left the house in over 20 years and we're it by for family, well I don't know what to be honest. Compared with that my anxiety is minimal. I think what I'm trying to say is that you cannot judge unless it happens to you. I have learned the hard way that life is not easy for some people. What I do agree with is some people who feel milder symptoms cannot compare their symptoms to someone worse off and so they may use it as an excuse to avoid uncomfortable situations.

[Wolfiefan]

So you've seen her GP notes?
You're basing all this on TV and one odd employee?
Many people suffer from MH issues. Unless you are a medical professional with access to their history how about you don't claim it's an excuse and accuse them of being lazy, making excuses or making stuff up.
You aren't in their head. You have NO idea how they feel.

[LornaMumsnet]

Thanks for the reports on this thread.

Discussions like this often get heated but we'd like to remind you that Mumsnet is here to make parents' lives easier.

While we encourage healthy and robust discussion, we hope that everyone can respect each other in their choices and express their views without resorting to personal attacks or posts that fall short from the spirit of the site.

We're sure you'd all agree that folk suffering from any MN issues need all the support they can get.

Peace and love

[lavei]

Surprisingly I have met more people in my life than this one odd employee and those on tv. They were examples. Would you like me to list everyone I've know who claims to suffer from a mental health issue and how/if I know it to be true? Because I can't do that.

So all those who are shaming me for this thread, have none of you ever met someone who has claimed to have a disadvantage based on a mental health issue? Or used a mental health issue to get out of something or get away with something? Because I have. And I find it very offensive when people down play or pretend to have something that is such a genuine threat

[Wolfiefan]

But you can't tell who is pretending without being professionally qualified to diagnose.
It is harmful to imply that many people are "crying depression" as an excuse.

[creakyknees13]

Just because a high proportion of people suffer from it does not make it less of an illness. There are plenty of common conditions- for example, we would not dream of saying that type 2 diabetes is not a real illness just because lots of people have it. How do you know that the people you mentioned don't have 'real' depression?

I have depression and anxiety. My normal state of mind is a constant, low-level depression and has been since I was a teenager. I appear normal and functioning to most people (I think). I have a house and a job and a good sense of humour. I sometimes even go out, go on holiday or go to social events, Meryl- it does not mean that I 'don't have depression' when I do. Inside, I have negative and destructive thoughts on a constant loop. I often think about suicide, although I know I would not do it. I don't tell people about this- only online really. I don't want people feeling sorry for me. I have taken anti-depressants in the past and have been referred for CBT on the NHS. My illness hasn't destroyed anyone else's life but my own. Would you say I do not have real depression and anxiety?

[SmileAndNod]

I have clinically diagnosed depression, anxiety and PTSD. My close friends know. Others may never know. On the outside I am clean tidy as are my children and sometimes my house We do family stuff, they attend school do homework etc. Inside I'm screaming and just over 12 months ago I wanted to take my life as I honestly thought it was the answer.

I'm still here albeit in a different form. Today has been particularly awful for no particular reason - I just can't shake the overwhelming feeling of despair.

I'm afraid I can't just 'pull myself together' or 'man up'. If it was that easy I would have done it ages ago. And I certainly wouldn't wish my fucked up mind on anyone

[BBCNewsRave]

OP, I do know what you mean. I often feel furious at people for the same reason. But on reflecting about it all, wondering why I feel so wound up, I think it's because of all the times I've been blamed and struggled because people don't understand. It's like any deserving vs undeserving thing where there isn't a clear cut line with people on each side. I also think a lot of it is just that some people happen to have loads of support and can be really open about things, whilst others are unsupported and have to pretend to be fine as best they can. I mean, if everyone was fabulously well supported then an awful lot of mental health suffering actually wouldn't be happening - so of course the people who are talking about it and being supported seem to cope better in some ways.

I think there's also an element, for some people, of the type of problems they have and experiences they have had both pre- and post- diagnosis. For some people, it seems to be more "textbook", with a clear, step-by-step kind of approach to cope, antidepressants and some CBT arranged through the GP. Not that they are not struggling hugely, but it sort of all fits neatly into context, somehow. Whilst others find themselves questioning the context, re-evaluating everything, because the sort of things that led them to seek treatment. Which can be a very lonely and difficult place to be.

[allchattedout]

What boils my piss are those who claim to have it to explain their life failings

It is the cause of my life failings though. I believe that I am a constant failure. I don't bully people, but plenty of people would probably look at my life and say I don't take opportunities to help myself and become a better and more successful person. The reason I don't is because of how I feel inside. So by that logic, I do use it to explain my life failings.

[MerylPeril]

@creakyknees13 I do not think you don't have anxiety/depression because you have a life.
I had a friend who took her own life who on the surface looked fine, socialised, went on holiday etc

I don't think my friend is depressed - he has bigger issues about not wanting to grow up I think. His depression comes literally like clockwork every Sunday when he hasn't got social activities planned and he orders a pizza. I'm offended for people who really are suffering.
I think saying he is depressed actually distracts from other issues he has - not willing to commit, fears about his age, his need to please his parents.

Sometimes for me it's like people who go 'oh I have OCD' because they like a tidy house. Devaluing what's a serious mental illness also.

[lavei]

merylperil exactly what I mean. People who claim to have OCD or make jokes about being anorexic to lose weight drive me mad.

I do have substantial qualifications and have done plenty of research into mental health issues, so I am not saying this uninformed

[Fackorf]

Your colleague sounds awful to work with but I can't see anything in your post that proves she does not have depression.

[BackToBasics2]

Hmm, this is a tough one because I have suffered from depression for many years and was also diagnosed with GAD a few years ago. It effects my life greatly but most people would never know. Those who do know probably have your attitude on it OP as those who know never make any effort to ask if I'm ok or make me feel better. Part of it is probably they do not understand the illness or they think " pull yourself together" etc. Luckily I have a lovely boyfriend who is a great help.

One thing though as a sufferer of it is I would be mortified to draw attention to it on some levels. For instance I would never tell my boss and would especially not make it as an excuse for something I did wrong at work. Everyone is very different but my understanding of alot of sufferers is they "suffer" in silence. Telling my boss would feel like I would put at a disadvantage and I certainly wouldn't want to be stigmatized for it.

I don't know what to think about people who are very vocal about it or use it as excuses etc. Maybe they do suffer but feel they need to speak up about it to brush away that taboo or maybe they have just found a good way to get out of stuff. I don't know without knowing them personally and even then you still wouldn't know.

I just know from my experience people usually hide it because it's a fear, it's a feeling or dread and panic and it's a fear of telling people and them not caring or brushing it off as "pull yourself together".

[lemonpearl]

There's a huge spectrum of depression and anxiety and just because one person presents differently with it, it doesn't mean they're exaggerating. I have a clinical diagnosis of severe depression, I've been sectioned and haven't worked in the past 19 years because of it. Most days I can't get out of bed and my home is enough of a tip to be on social services alert. I've attempted suicide numerous times, and I get the highest rate of PIP and fortnightly meetings with my psychiatrist. But I have a friend who suffers from depression, yet she holds down a demanding job and large family and does competitive sports as a hobby, has a busy social life, always looks immaculate and her home looks perfect. It doesn't mean anything, there is nothing to say that she isn't battling through the same demons that I have, it's just that she's hiding it much better. None of us can say what is going through anyone's head.

[triskele]

All of your points are valid but that doesn't mean that there are not people who use MH as an excuse when they don't actually suffer.

As someone who has supported certain sectors of society I can tell you it's very common to cite depression to excuse behaviours and smugly admit it to their support worker!

Diminished responsibility my backside. (In some cases!)