AIBU to go back to relying on tax credits

[BumDNC]

I have a big change at work possibly which will involve over an hour round trip commute a day. I work full time currently locally to my home.
I'm a single parent with young teen DC.
IMO the commute will be hard on all of us, it's hard on us with full time but we have a system that works.

Today I am considering if I have to commute, dropping to 30 hours. I would get a tax credits increase and qualify for WFTC again (currently don't)
I would drop back under the threshold.
I've worked hard to try to get out of relying so much on these but is it better for my family?
I'm conflicted on th best outcome. I don't want to live an even more stressful life!

[BumDNC]

I'm sure no one wants to leave the house prior to 8am, ever. It's stressful for all mums to get kids to the right places and then work. I am probably not as resilient as some of my fellow super mothers. I've been lucky in the sense I am able to drop my kids at school which only opens at 8am.

It's not helpful to just snort/laugh at my preciousness of my terrible dilemma with your own tales of woe but thank you for all practical suggestions of how I could make things work.

I've already said I will look for a new job close to home (because I do not want to commute) and just try my best to miss the worst traffic and see how it goes.

[DJBaggySmalls]

YANBU. We dont have to drag each other down.

[MGFM]

I actually laughed out loud at the having to leave at 0745. We leave the house at 7am. Husband sometimes leaves at 0600. I would do the commute but I would leave at 0700 and miss the traffic and the. Maybe see if you c an leave an hour earlier. So start at 8.

[inanutshelle]

Dont feel guilty.. No need. The teenage years are complicated and more stressfull than the younger years.. My youngest is almost a teen and two older are teens and you cant take your eye off the ball now!! Dont put yourself under pressure.. The tax credit system is there to help parents just like you who are trying their best. You wont regret wasted time sitting in traffic but you will regret spending less time with your kids in these complicated times we live in for teens XX

[Euripidesralph]

I think to be fair op you are getting projected reactions from posters related to their own circumstances. ...I fully admit I read your post and got angry and frustrated I'm in the position where I drive 90 minutes one way to earn enough to support my family and have a 4 year old and 1 year old....it's soul destroying especially hearing some of your statements

But

Just because I'm in that situation doesn't mean I should judge you , you asked is it moral and honestly no I don't agree it is , if you were changing lifestyle and cutting back to facilitate it thenables I'd be cheering you on whether I thought you were being a bit over he top or not....crack on and do what makes you happy

But relying on benefits I personally don't feel is fair....if people didn't do this to accommodate lifestyle choices rather than desperation then (whilst I recognise this Is a simplification of a complex issue) taxes and rates would be lower.....I personally would then have less outgoings ....meaning I could maybe see my children more so honestly no its not moral why is it fair for you to be part of a behaviour that increases cost to others impacting their lives for silly reasons?

If you're desperate can't find other work , needo to put food on the table....I pay my share willingly and with a smile on the face because none of us knows when we might be nuts the same position

But to do it because you get "stressed and anxious" about a small commute? Because you don't fancy it? Because you should get the chance to spend time with your preteens

Sorry but that is immoral so you are being u

Please reconsider you have no idea what these kind of decisions cost the rest of us

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

It's hard to work FT and raise 2 kids let alone when a single parent
Yanbu OP - I also think it's going to be hard on them on their tod such a long time - no judging from me

[KondosSecretJunkRoom]

I don't think that there's anything wrong with your plan in principle but I wouldn't do this unless you have the option to revise up your hours when you need to.

The way things are going it won't be long until everyone on wtc and ctc get dragged into the job centre to demonstrate that they are looking for more work/ higher wages and that will be a shower of shite.

[alltouchedout]

Morally yanbu. But I wouldn't want to rely on tax credits or any other benefit continuing at the same rate in the present climate.

[CactusFred]

Sorry that came out sharper than intended.

I expect I would take it in your circumstances.

[BumDNC]

I do know that some people don't have this option. I am not stupid. I also obviously earn a relatively crap wage which I would love not to be the case. But if you did would you take it?

[CactusFred]

I've to have the option of having the money made up by the state as some of us just have to lump the commute or lose the money.

My commute is nearly an hour each way plus worse if traffic.

[BumDNC]

I'm not nervous about the driving just dreading it. I find driving tiring and irritating. I considered the long hours and then a day off but I don't think I want a day off (kids be at school anyway) and I use my weekends for housework/shopping.
I think the mornings will be harder to manage than getting back later - kids can do homework and I can try organise easy dinners.
I hate the idea of being so far away if they needed me, especially in the long summer holidays and yes, then being at home alone for long peroids of time. At the moment I can come home for my lunch during school holidays. I looked into childcare and the only thing locally is one of those large corporate companies and it's about £200 per week per child for the full day.

I think I will try it first with early start and finish to try miss the worst traffic and see how bonkers I go then make a decision.
Thanks for opinions

[alitee36]

My commute is 20-30 minutes each way which I'm happy with. I used to travel an hour each way and it was too much, especially after a long, busy day. Some people are ok with a long commute, others aren't.
OP - if you'd be happier reducing your hours and being available more for yours DC then do it. If you'd worry about being late home, them being alone too much during school holidays and you can increase your hours in the future if you need/want to, then why not reduce your hours. Agree that you need to be wary of benefits changing so maybe check the position with that before you make a decision.

[YorkieDorkie]

Starlight 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

[Starlight2345]

I do it on my own and am a LP...The reality is teens are difficult in terms of childcare.. 40 hours a week plus travel is a long time to spend alone. Even with holidays as a LP , even if you are able to take your holidays in school holidays it is still half what a couple can take.

Do what is best for you as a family.

The media have managed to demonize people on WTC.. You are not somone sat on your bottom waiting for it to be given a hand out. I work 31.5 hours a week and it really is a much as I can manage without it all coming tumbling down. I am sure there are many I can do it people out there but we can all manage at different levels and it isn't just about us it is about the children too.

[YorkieDorkie]

My commute is now about 70 minutes each way 🙄. It started at 40 and the traffic has got so manic over the years! Imagine my disappointment... that said, I'm a married mum with lots of family support for childcare. I absolutely cannot imagine a long commute as a single mum. OP, you're not being unreasonable at all to prioritise your family life and claim WTC. I believe that's why you asked... if the commute stresses you out and your kids are at an age where they will need a hands on mum then personally I wouldn't judge you for that. I imagine I'd do the same.

[MarciaBlaine]

The way things are going, I would want to be as less reliant on any benefits as I could possibly be. I have a commute of 45 mins - 1h each way and my DD takes herself to after school stuff or other comes home, has a snack and does her homework. As she normally doesn't go to bed til 9.30/10 there is till plenty of evening left with her.

[user87654321]

Hi, OP. Are you nervous about driving to & from work?

[WildBelle]

I would check to see if universal credit has rolled out in your area yet, or if it will be soon. With a secondary age dc they will be expecting you to be working at least 35 hours a week.

[Artandco]

Could you do 40 hrs over 4 days instead of 5? 4 days of 10hrs 8-6pm, then Friday off

[DeadZed]

OP, I would say that you are not unreasonable to reduce your hours slightly. You are single handedly raising two children/teens. You sound thoughtful and responsible and you are not making this decision lightly. Yes you need to provide for your dc financially but you also need to be there in a practical, physical way. Teenage dc do still need lots of parental input and support as they move through school. I think you are in a difficult position OP and I would support your decision to work a few less hours.
Do take on board what other posters have said about the long term support tax credits may or may not offer and also the effects of reducing your hours now on your future earning potential.

[WhatWouldTheDoctorDo]

Is it possible to be creative with the hours you currently do e.g. Start and finish earlier to avoid the worst of rush hour, take a shorter lunch to leave earlier or do 2/3 long days but make up for it with shorter days on the other days so you're around more for DC part of the week?

[Artandco]

I think leaving home at 8.15 and home by 4.45pm is a huge luxury and very unusual. Most have to be in work 8-6pm so out 7-7pm.
On average day we get home with kids 6.30-7pm. They are 5 and 7 years. We then prep dinner and all eat. Having to eat at 7-7.30pm with 13-14 year olds is normal surely.

[FormerlyFrikadela01]

I personally do not think anyone should be claiming benefits if they have a choice not to. The state should. It be paying for peoples lifestyle choices.

However, the system is what it is and if you are happy to risk the possible change in tax credits then go for it.

[BumDNC]

I put the 30 mins as that's what it says on a map without traffic.

I asked friends who had done it at rush hour and they say 45-60 on an average day.

I'm also concerned about letting my employer down if I struggle with it. I don't want to be the one who is always late for work and can't manage