To expect dp to at least try to change his working hours so I can work?

[ricecrispies16]

I'm on mat leave but would like to go back to work. Seen a job I'd love to apply for, full time, 3 long days a week. There's another job that I'd like but is only part time, 5 half days a week. Obviously the full time one pays better so I'd like to go for that one but my partner works varied hours, early shifts, late shifts and his working days change every week. I told him about the job and asked that if I got this job and I knew which days I'd be working if he could approach his boss at work and ask to not be put down to work on X day and Y day. He said probably not.

It's just kind of annoyed me because I want to work full time to earn as much as I can but if he can't do that then I'm limited to part time while he works full time. Doesn't seem fair.

[doubledecker1986]

He can and should ask. Everybody is entitled to make a flexible working request.
If there is a way of avoiding paying for costly childcare by working around each other then it should be explored.
If his employer says no, fine, at least he tried.
In this day and age the mother should not be expected to take the hit when it comes to their job/career. He should be taking responsibility for working out childcare too:

[ninjapants]

Interesting sweeping generalisation ceeveebee. I work in a male dominated job, my employer accommodates some flexible working (and not just for mothers). As for the gender pay gap, I am the main earner in our household, my career and earnings potential has not suffered as a result of having a child.

Marilyns, suggesting that the OP get married to ensure financial security just reinforces the idea that she should rely on her man to provide for her when what she wants to do is go out and work, as he does, to provide for their family.

Working mothers can hardly expect attitudes to change if they aren't prepared to think that way themselves. Nothing can hold you back except you.

[femfortheday]

Presumably right now he is only able to work those shifts because you provide all of the (unpaid) childcare?
If he's worked there long enough he can put in a flexible working request to accommodate set start and finish times or a more set shift pattern. OP you need to get this sorted out now - as in get him to recognise that this is equally his responsibility, because once you're both at work you don't want to be in a situation where the default for making changes to hours or covering sickness or school holidays is always you.

[ShowMePotatoSalad]

The 1950s haven't exploded on this thread - practicalities and reality have exploded on this thread.

There are likely very good business reasons her DP's employer could give. So what happens then? Her career will take the hit, or they split the full time childcare costs between them.

That's not a 1950s attitude - that's just reality.

[HermioneJeanGranger]

My industry isn't male-dominated. There's mostly females in my company and you have to be flexible. At certain times, you'll need to be in at weekends for 4-5 weeks straight, other times they need you in Mon-Fri or to work all bank holidays. It depends on how busy the business is and what promotions we have on.

If you said at interview you could never work Tuesdays or Fridays you'd be told thanks but no thanks, regardless of gender. It's no different once you're already there. Unfair, maybe, but not all jobs are required to be family friendly.

[Trills]

"that's the nature of shift work"

It's not always though is it?

Some shift work, you have your shift pattern every week (or alternating weeks) and you stick to it.

Other shift work, you get told what you are doing a week or two in advance and it changes every time. Someone has to make the hours all add up every single time.

WHY would any employer want to do the second one? Wouldn't they prefer to set up the shift pattern and just have it run?

[ForalltheSaints]

Of course he can ask and should. Especially if your job hours are consistent, and if it is not trying to do only the more popular shifts at his job. You are not asking him to ask for no late shifts, for example.

[conkerpods]

I'm a musician and every week is different. For families where both parents are musicians nurseries and childminders just aren't an option. People either find babysitters who come to the house (lots of evening work) or Au Pairs. It works well.

[ceeveebee]

Ninja, clearly I was being facetious. I am also the main wage earner in our family.

But as for the majority - the gender pay gap in this country is nearly 20% - there is barely any gap up to age 30 but after then it drops off a cliff - mostly due to ingrained attitudes preventing women from being able to take opportunities. I am always reading comments on mumsnet about how the DH (or DP) works long hours and so can't be involved in childcare, and can't ask for flexibility - just like those above.

[Coldilox]

I do shift work, as does my DW. We both put in flexible working requests, she works set hours each week, I still do shifts but can't work lates on two days so swap to earlies on those days. No issue at all. It's not always impossible to manage shift work. It depends whether it's him that's reluctant or his employer.

[Coldilox]

Oh and I've recently been promoted so it hasn't impinged my career in the slightest.

[lionsleepstonight]

It really depends on the type of shifts, if he's on a continental shift pattern then it's really unlikely he can move to fixed shifts and days.
Also the business sector, retail has shifts and rotas that are only worked out a week or two in advance, so may be more likely to accommodate set hours. Again, all dependant on the employer.
I'd go for the job and work from there if you are offered it.
He's not stopping you from working more, you can work full time or 3 long days around shifts. You just have to have your childcare sorted, and pay if needed.

[ceeveebee]

He's not stopping you from working more, you can work full time or 3 long days around shifts. You just have to have your childcare sorted, and pay if needed.

Presumably you mean "you both need to have your childcare sorted"? As it's not just down to the mother

[Marilynsbigsister]

Marilyns, suggesting that the OP get married to ensure financial security just reinforces the idea that she should rely on her man to provide for her when what she wants to do is go out and work, as he does, to provide for their family.

Apologies OP - hadn't realised that I had 'reinforced' the Patriarchy by suggesting that you might want to have all the legal protection marriage offers - now that you have a child together. - in terms of Property/Money/Pensions/Inheritance etc, that as a partner you do not currently have. This was obviously silly of me.

My grip on reality tells me that until men learn the neat trick of growing a small human in their bodies and pushing it out of their pelvis - then they will always have an edge on us in the work place - as put simply, they are there more. This means there will always be a disadvantage to women unless they are amongst the tiny minority who have a maternity package that pays full pay for the entire time they are off.

Marriage helps to protect against this disadvantage- it doesn't make up for it entirely but the security definitely helps.

As for your original question - the law says that your DP may request a change to his work pattern to more family friendly hours; his employer must consider the request and give written reasons as to why they cannot agree.

[steff13]

It's not necessary to say "you both." You can refer to more than one person.

[lionsleepstonight]

You presumed correctly, ceeveebee.

[Astoria7974]

Why don't you take a full time job and use a nursery with breakfast and after-schoolclubs? That's what I did

[ninjapants]

ceeveebee apologies for not reading the tone of your post correctly, I'll blame my response on post night shift tiredness!

Marilyns while you are correct regarding marriage ensuring security within families, I think that women should take responsibility for ensuring their own financial security, especially if they do not want to get married for whatever reason. I realise that this isn't always straightforward though, particularly when children are involved.

OP discuss the options with your DP, childcare is his responsibility too, then go for the job(s) you are interested in