Bday AIBU

[IAmTheBadOne]

It was my bday midweek last week. Me and DH working. So we had a night out wknd before with small group of friends. On my actual bday, I would not see DH (he had to work till midnight) so he cooked bday dinner / we did cake the night before with DCs.

On my actual bday, Around 8.30pm I called DH work re some arrangements. I was told he already left work. I tried to call him and he texted he can't talk will call me later. I got v excited thinking he is on his way home and we can spend nice evening together as kids already in bed. 2h later he was still not home. I felt upset at the time, but had my dinner, caught up on calls/messages and watched some telly. When he arrived back around 10.30pm, I did not question but he admitted he stopped in the pub for an hour to have a drink (on his own) and now we can have a glass of wine together .. He did not understand why I would be upset

AIBU to expect him to spend evening with me on my bday?? We have a lot of issues we are trying to work on btw - and I made quite a big point about being close/spending quality time together few days before that happened...

[IAmTheBadOne]

Thanks for your comments ladies. It is very much mars/Venus - we had chat this morning and he took it all on board/noted for the future. He simply thought that I would not mind as already celebrated.

[GloriousGoosebumps]

livefornaps, you may be right; I've got no way of knowing but I do think that the fact it was the op's actual birthday is a bit of a red herring simply because most adults celebrate their birthdays at the weekend rather than on the actual day. In fact, I think the op is using the fact it was her birthday as a stick to beat dh with. Of course he can't simply disappear to the pub if the children are ill and the op's on her last legs but the children were in bed asleep so no problems there and dh was back by 10.30 to have a glass of wine with the op. Even the op says dh didn't answer his phone because he didn't think she'd approve of him going for a drink - it sounds as though she's got him on a pretty short leash. I'd have had a lot more sympathy if dh hadn't done anything for her birthday. The op can't improve their relationship by simply insisting that dh can never go to the pub.

[livefornaps]

Fair enough @glorious, certainly I don't know personally what it's like to always have to abide by the "just checking in" reflex that couples seem to have... So I understand perhaps he just wanted to not oblige for once.

The fact it was her actual birthday still niggles me though. And the hiding out away from home. But as long as you are happy, OP

[RyanStartedTheFire]

Of course he can't simply disappear to the pub if the children are ill and the op's on her last legs but the children were in bed asleep so no problems there and dh was back by 10.30 to have a glass of wine with the op. Even the op says dh didn't answer his phone because he didn't think she'd approve of him going for a drink - it sounds as though she's got him on a pretty short leash


He's not a dog so there's no need for leashes. Some of us don't want to be the doormat assumed to be happy to sit at home whilst our husbands are having a jolly down the pub.

[Ilovecaindingle]

I wouldn't have been happy either. . And did he drive after his 2 drinks?
Sounds selfish and thoughtless. If he had crashed how would you have got there with dc in bed? And the repercussions of a drink drive conviction. . .

[BitOutOfPractice]

That "I didn't think you'd mind" explanation doesn't really stand up does it. If he thought you wouldn't mind why did he ignore your calls? And why didn't he text / call to say "hey darling I'm going to the pub?"

This is all a bit fishy to me tbh

[NeverTwerkNaked]

Sounds a bit fishy to me too. I'd be wondering whehther he was actually on his own at the pub or whether that was the first story he could come up with when put on the spot.

Yanbu to be annoyed anyway op.

[mrsBeverleygoldberg]

Maybe he'd had a shit day and rather than taking his mood out on you he went to the pub to calm down?

[GloriousGoosebumps]

RyaStartedTheFire you seem offended by my use of the phrase "...on a pretty short lease." I certainly didn't mean to offend so substitute a phase of your choice.

The op doesn't seem to be saying that dh is going out every night, whether to the pub or elsewhere. If he was, I certainly wouldn't be defending him, in fact, I'm more of the "lock the little bugger out if he insists on coming home pissed as a newt" school of thought.