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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that working from home does not mean I am the house cleaner?

23 replies

LibbyRuby · 25/01/2017 13:25

I'm so fed up of DH thinking that because I work from home then I have time to do everything in the house. The DCs are also picking up on his attitude and leaving mess everywhere.

DH literally doesn't lift a finger. Everything is left for me because "you're at home all day". We live in a tip at the moment as I've had a lot of work on, and simply haven't got the time to spend the whole day cleaning and tidying.

DH and the kids leave the house in such a state that it can't be left for a day with no cleaning done; it needs cleaning and tidying every single day to make it liveable. DH moans if it's messy and starts questioning what I've done all day and why haven't I done X or Y.

AIBU to be sick of this?

OP posts:
Cocklodger · 25/01/2017 13:27

Yanbu.
You could maybe do some small things on your breaks eg put the washing machine or dishwasher on but beyond that, no. Not at all. You are working. Just like he is.

Original poster
LibbyRuby · 25/01/2017 13:30

I do things in my breaks; every break is spent running around like a headless chicken catching up on jobs :(

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 25/01/2017 13:32

If him and the DCs are leaving mess everywhere, therein lies the problem. He needs to put his shit away and take a fair share of cleaning. You can do all the cleaning in the world, but the place will still be a mess if people don't tidy their things away.

Maybe break it to him that in all the time you have been working at home, the putting away fairy hasn't made an appearance as yet.

WeirdAndPissedOff · 25/01/2017 13:35

Does his workplace employ a cleaner? If so, why? Surely if he's there all day he should be able to take care of that, plus any odd jobs, colleagues washing up etc?

YANBU at all!

RebootYourEngine · 25/01/2017 13:43

I would not tidy up after them. I would leave it for him and the dcs to do.

What kind of work do you do? Could you work from a local library or something so that you arent tempted to tidy up.

BarbaraofSeville · 25/01/2017 13:43

DH and the kids leave the house in such a state that it can't be left for a day with no cleaning done; it needs cleaning and tidying every single day to make it liveable. DH moans if it's messy and starts questioning what I've done all day and why haven't I done X or Y

They must be going some to make enough mess and filth that it needs significant effort every single day and if they are, this is a battle that you will not win. They need to stop making so much bloody mess and tidy up after themselves. Or I suppose you could just bin everything that they leave lying around. That won't take long and will solve the mess problem at least. How old are the DCs?

Petalbird · 25/01/2017 13:50

Can you possibly start working out of the house for a while until he works out that work means work not picking up after lazy people. Also set him a list of house jobs for him and the kids to do

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 25/01/2017 13:52

In a similar predicament. It has crept up slowly as I have gradually taken on more work. He does sometimes blitz areas but then can't tell me where he has put anything and wants profound thanks and praise. Thinking about introducing a new scheme for the dc - once they have done essential tasks - tidy bedroom, put away clothes etc. I will pay them for additional tasks - clear out a cupboard. One thing that does work is to put one of them in charge -
Me 'dh could you sort out the table please?

Dh 'Right dd1 you get the cups and water, dd2 you etc. etc.'

They also moan at him if he has left his shoes out and they have been asked to clear the sitting room.

It is very annoying alongside people ringing in the day for a chat because they know it is quiet. Yes quiet for a reason so I can work

Berthatydfil · 25/01/2017 13:55

When he questions what you've done all day - tell him you've done your job you know the one you get paid for the one that keeps a roof over your heads pays for food and so on.
Presumably you have a list of tasks and duties to do to demonstrate that you are actually you know working so that's what you have been doing all day.
Ask him if he would like to message his boss to ask him if he can get to keep his salary but stay home and do cleaning tidying home admin etc ??
Because that's what he's expecting you to do.

mambono5 · 25/01/2017 13:56

Can you possibly start working out of the house for a while

Exactly that. If you could find a lovely friend with an empty house during the day, or have a family member who can welcome you, that would help.

To be fair, I spend every morning between 6 and 7-7:30 tidying up before I leave, and at least one hour in the evening. 2 hours a day of housework sounds very reasonable, BUT you are not the cleaner!

Akire · 25/01/2017 13:58

You are either working or cleaning up you can't do both if place is in such a mess everyday it will take hours. I'd get everyone to blitz it all weekend. Then in the morning no one leaves until all dirty clothes on basket, breakfast dishes in sink/dishwasher anything else left laying around it put away.

failing that' is work hours or at best pop out just before everyone gets home and fain suprise at all mess and oh dear have the Magic elves not been in today.

welovepancakes · 25/01/2017 14:00

I think you need to be disciplined to work from home & that includes disregarding household mess during working hours

DJBaggySmalls · 25/01/2017 14:01

YANBU and fuck doing jobs on your break, you also need a break.
DF arent doing anything, and are making more mess. Thats the problem. not you.

StoatofDisarray · 25/01/2017 14:02

Have you considered hiring a cleaner and splitting the cost?

CripsSandwiches · 25/01/2017 14:03

YANBU. Why should OP spend her lunch break cleaning up when DH probably gets a nice cup of coffee and chats with his colleagues/reads the news. You're working whether you're at home or in an office. He is a lazy arse.

ThymeLord · 25/01/2017 14:06

YANBU and as for the poster suggesting you do things in your breaks? Does he nip home in his lunch hour and clean? No.

Stop doing it OP. It's not your job!

Somerville · 25/01/2017 14:10

I've worked mainly from home (about 4/5 of the time) for years, some of that as a lone parent, and I employ a cleaner. It's the only thing I've found that stops me been distracted by the guilt of stuff that needs doing in the house.
Sure, I rush round when I take a break and load the dishwasher and washing machine, but little more than that.
It's unsustainable to do both.

Pengggwn · 25/01/2017 14:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JaneA1 · 25/01/2017 14:23

Not unreasonable. Sounds quite unfair for you!

feelingdizzee · 25/01/2017 14:29

Tell DH he needs to pop home on his breaks to tidy up and clean the house. Start asking him what he's been doing all day.
I wouldn't stand for him asking you what you've been doing all day cheeky flecker! Who made him the boss?! Just ignore him and focus on your job.

Mistletoetastic · 25/01/2017 14:30

I WFH a lot and try to schedule domestic tasks into break times, its not easy but my only advice is to let it pile up, don't let the DC treat you like a slave, then do the cleaning required when you finish work? before DC I used to prepare dinner in what would be the commute time but now I am out collecting DC so its all rushed. I have been meaning to empty the bin all day.

if I work from little office downstairs I can ignore the mess but days like today when its cold I am sat at the kitchen table and the kitchen is a state!

The difference is for that DH doesn't expect the house to be immaculate with he gets home, leave stuff for your DH to do when he gets in?

SorrelSoup · 25/01/2017 14:57

How disrespectful! You need a chat with dh or a house meeting. It's their attitudes that are the problem. I work from home some days, and on those days we all make sure the house is tidy before school as I'm going to have to sit in the house and it's not fair for me to be sat in a shit tip and trying to work. I will put washing on but that's about it.
It sounds like your dh doesn't understand your job or rate it very highly? Why does he expect to be waited on as an adult anyway? Why aren't you equals?

arethereanyleftatall · 25/01/2017 15:07

Do you work full time from home? Same amount of hours as him? If so, then he is ridicukous. I would do nothing whilst I was working, and would take a full lunch break, assuming he does.
Unless you mean you work 1 hour a week from home, and he works 70 hours ooh?

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