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AIBU?

To not tell him I've put on weight

40 replies

Mimicat44 · 21/01/2017 17:33

About 4 or 5 years ago I went on a date with a guy I met online. We had a great time, got on brilliantly and the chemistry was there (we had a kiss) but for one reason and another we didn't see each other again and shortly afterwards I met my now ex dp who I was with for 3 years splitting up about a year ago. A few months ago the guy I went on the one date with found me on whatsapp and we started chatting quite regularly. It's now at the point where we're talking about meeting up again however I've put on about 2 stone in that time! I'm working hard to lose it but there's no way it will happen before I see him again. I haven't mentioned it to him, but I'm wondering if I should? On the one hand I feel like if he is prepared then it won't be a shock for him when he sees me, and maybe it's better to find out now if that's something that's a deal breaker for him, but on the other hand I feel like it sounds a bit pathetic and embarrassing to warn someone that I've put on some weight. Almost like I'm apologising for it. When I met him last time I was (in my opinion) a nicely curvy size 14, now I'm a 16 pushing an 18.

OP posts:

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MatildaTheCat · 21/01/2017 20:09

After five years I doubt he can remember your exact size, he does however remember he really liked you.

Go on a date and have fun.

outabout · 21/01/2017 20:03

Stop messing about and get on with the meeting up!

Mimicat44 · 21/01/2017 19:55

i will keep you updated!

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 21/01/2017 19:54

Whilst argy is clearly being goady and unpleasant, there is an element of truth in the fact there is very little difference between a 14 and 16. He probably won't notice. If she'd went up to a good eighteen then i personally would send a photo in advance, for the two simple reasons, I'd stress about it too much in advance of the date, and if it was going to be an issue I'd bloody want to know before hand and save myself,the embarassement or discomfort of working it out face to face. If it was no issue then I'd know I have nothing to worry about and save myself the stress.

For this though, a 14 To a 16 I wouldn't think twice about not mentioning it. Most guys wouldn't notice it or it would make little impact in their heads.

notsurehowtodothis · 21/01/2017 19:43

Oh argy. I'm so sorry you weren't loved enough as a child. Tough gig.

OP, go for it, good luck, and update us! :) xx

TheOtherGalen · 21/01/2017 19:41

Or with putting on 4 stone or stopping shaving, for that matter.

Bushymuffmum · 21/01/2017 19:40

I don't think he'll be bothered at all- 2 stone isn't that much of a dramatic difference really. Would u be bothered if he had put on a bit of weight?
I suspect not (both mine and dh's weight has fluctuated about 20pounds since we got together and I never notice and neither does he)

TheOtherGalen · 21/01/2017 19:39

Not that there's anything wrong with green hair, of course.

TheOtherGalen · 21/01/2017 19:38

Tell him you've put on four stone, dyed your hair green, stopped shaving or using deodorant, and have become a Trump supporter. He'll be so relieved when you tell him you're kidding, he'll be positively elated about the two stone.

NavyandWhite · 21/01/2017 19:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

outabout · 21/01/2017 19:16

Reading the original post again, ONE kiss, good chemistry, great. 4-5 years ago.
Yes get yourself comfortable as you are now and have a good time.
If you try too hard you may spoil the occasion.

Mimicat44 · 21/01/2017 19:11

MTB I think it's somewhere in between - we haven't been doing any flirting via message, which I'm glad about as it means there's no expectations as such, but we did fancy each other last time so I wouldn't be surprised if it developed into something more

OP posts:

EmeraldScorn · 21/01/2017 19:11

Please don't feel the need to explain or justify anything to him, as you're still the same person no matter what size you are now.

It's not the end of the world. He either likes you or he doesn't and if you meet up and the attraction isn't there (for you, for him, for both) nothing has been lost, you will still have hopefully had a nice day out and a good catch up.

Ignore ArgyMargy looks can be changed but some people will forever be poisonous twats.

Don't over analyse the situation OP, get a catch up planned and just see what happens.

Mimicat44 · 21/01/2017 19:08

Thanks, I'm feeling very reassured by your responses! Will probably wear Spanx under something flattering but yeah hopefully he'll be too blown away by my sparkling personality to notice any extra weight

OP posts:

SanitysSake · 21/01/2017 19:04

I'd just turn up and brazen out your insecurities with lots of bravado and maybe a large glass of wine to calm the nerves.

Nothing more unattractive than someone who is so desperately unhappy and self conscious in their skin they shut down.

Fake it till you make it - that's what I say :D

MTB1003 · 21/01/2017 19:02

Is the meeting up along the lines of a friendship or picking up where you left off?
I don't feel you need to pre warn him of your weight, but at the same time wouldn't want you to be hurt if he has an unkind reaction. Agree with pp to update your WhatsApp profile pic and take it from there. Good luck!

mumofthemonsters808 · 21/01/2017 19:01

This happened to my friend, someone she used to know got back in touch with her. Before they met up he told her he had put on weight, she had also so wasn't particularly bothered by this.

TeethDrama · 21/01/2017 19:00

I think Arg is saying it's not as though you have gone from a size 8 to a size 18 so any shock possibly won't be as great as you imagine.

I wouldn't mention it in advance. Just make sure you wear something you are really confident and comfortable in. He will notice your sparkling personality more than a few stones more or less.

SpongebobRoundPants · 21/01/2017 18:59

Argy People can lose weight, unfortunately you'll always be an arsehole.

ShoutOutToMyEx · 21/01/2017 18:56

Gearing up for a fun filled Saturday night are you Argy?

OP, attraction is about so much more than looks. And in my experience we're much harsher critics of ourselves than most men are. I bet it'll be the last think he notices when you meet up

Bluebubble123 · 21/01/2017 18:54

Ignore Argy some people have nothing better to do in life than slate others. It's a shame as mumsnetting is supposed to to support each other.

If he likes you he will like you whatever your weight

uncoolnn · 21/01/2017 18:49

ArgyMargy - size 14 is not fat.

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Italiangreyhound · 21/01/2017 18:48

Please do not tell him you have put on any weight. It just sounds like you re overly concerned and it might make things more awkward.

He is someone you had a connection with 5 years ago. I can almost guarantee you he is not asking anyone if he should mention he is slightly balding now or slightly larger or whatever.

If youwant to send him a photo, then do, just be your own fabulous self in your photo. But whatever you do, be your own fabulous self in real life.

Giddyaunt18 · 21/01/2017 18:47

I would just go and meet him OP, it's only a night out or day out. You'll soon know how he feels and how you feel because you will or won't make plans to meet again. If you are happy as you are, don't lose weight for a man!!!

Giddyaunt18 · 21/01/2017 18:45

Geez Arg aren't you funny?

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