DH's family visiting from overseas... AIBU to not accommodate them?

[NettleCake]

Last year they stayed in our home... for over a month. We don't have a spare room so they had our room, we camped in with toddler DD. It didn't go well. Clash of cultures, different ideas about food, siestas, mealtimes, child raising, misunderstandings due to language barrier etc. As the weeks went by I felt increasingly angry and resentful. They rarely went out and spent hours watching TV or napping while I chased after toddler. I felt like I had no downtime or privacy.

So this time they are staying nearby in a holiday let (their idea). DH is unhappy about this. He wants them to 'feel welcome' to stay at ours anytime. He says next visit (in another 6 months or so) we must insist they stay with us.

Last time they stayed, it was up to me to entertain them all day as he was at work, so from 5am-8pm I was 'on duty'. It's also up to me to cook, clean, change bedding and do all the other guest-related tasks.

It's my home too! I do all the night wakings and 5am starts with toddler, I can't cope with hosting right now!

AIBU?

[measles64]

A month is way too long to accommodate guests. My friends family have finally woken up to the fact that close knit does not extend to camping out in her house and make other arrangements now. It does make for a pleasanter visit.

[rollonthesummer]

would allow guests to have their own comfy space, still be close enough, and at a sane price.

Its a good idea in theory but I suppose it depends what you mean by a sane price. I am paying £36 for us to pay in a Travelodge next Saturday as my SIL can't easily house us. If the caravan was cheaper than that, it might be viable, but if it was more-I'd rather stay in a cheap hotel.

[girlelephant]

Fetabrown I think it's an interesting idea if you locally have a need for it. I wouldn't be up for using a caravan shower or toilet so i would want to use the one in the house but at least it gives a separate living/sleeping space

[dowhatnow]

YANBU

[Notcreative23]

I think YABU but I also think you're DH is being unreasonable. I understand where you are coming from with the lack of space. However, my family lives in another country, if they came to visit and had to stay in a hotel it would cost way too much and they wouldn't be able to afford to come. If my DH tried to say they couldn't stay with us I would be livid because that would mean they wouldn't be able to visit or see children. You're situation may be different I don't really know the full story.
Maybe just offer for them to stay next time, don't insist. If they are staying at a hotel obviously they felt something was off when they visited before so I'm sure they won't take you up on the offer. But I think offering will make your DH feel better.

[Allthewaves]

Could they book holiday let again but one with an extra bedroom so you, dh and toddler could stay at weekends while they are here. You all get space during the wk and dh gets the intimate experience with his family on a wkend

[HopelesslydevotedtoGu]

A month is far too long to be sharing your toddler's room and have guests in a small home for me. If they were coming for a weekend, or max a week, it would be polite to offer them your home as they are travelling so far. I think that for a month this is clearly unworkable in my opinion.

Obviously your PIL chose to stay with you last time, so I imagine in their culture it is v important to welcome family to your home regardless, 'my home is your home' etc. Are they from this type of culture, where not accommodating guests is seen as v rude?

It seems your dh has these traditional values. However he needs to recognise that you don't, and it is also your home and would be you doing a lot of the work, so he needs to listen to you. Either to reach a compromise, or to find another way to show his parents they are welcome whilst accommodating them elsewhere.

The fact that your PIL are staying elsewhere by choice this time - either they understand that your way is different and you couod all benefit from some space, or they thought you were unwelcoming last time. If the latter that is a shame, but hopefully this visit they can see how much happier you all can be with more space.

[MizzEmma]

We moved to the US last year and have had several sets of family and friends visiting.

Even if you get on brilliantly and even if you have plenty of space it's really hard, you can't relax in the same way.

When my PILs came to stay my DH took almost the whole time off to spend with them.

I made very clear guidelines when we moved out here - no one stays more than 3 weeks.

[Fetabrown]

Cheers for the responses, much appreciated. -F