Elderly neighbours - revolting noise and how to deal with it?

[chompychompychompchomp]

Evening all -sorry, it's a bit long...

Not sure if I am being unreasonable in feeling so utterly fed up and disgusted by my new neighbours so need some advice/ bringing down to earth / support from those who agree with me to give me the go-ahead to speak with them again.

We've lived here, in our flat for three years. The upstairs flat is rented and we've seen various people come and go - all very lovely - usually quite short term lets. An elderly couple (early 70s) moved in in November. We instantly thought how friendly and lovely they were and made small-talk whenever we saw them in the communal area. However, the moment they moved in we also heard very loud coughing, clearing of throat and throwing up occurring - like clockwork - every few hours or so throughout the day and night (think midnight, 3am, 5am, 7am etc - regularly and continuing day and night) It's really revolting. You can't escape it in our flat. The sound seems to echo throughout.

Each time it starts with coughing / sneezing repeatedly for five mins, then clearing of lungs and spitting (proper yakking up) for ten minutes, then there's the throwing up for about twenty minutes (proper heaving). They don't smoke and both seem lively and healthy, fit and able whenever we've seen/ chatted to them.

I think it's the man who does this as his wife seems to go out to work for most of the day. He stays at home pretty much most of the time. He is clearly quite unwell and we feel sorry that he is living with whatever it is he has. Even so, this hacking and vomiting wakes us up, keeps us awake, makes us jump out of our skin (it's THAT loud), and has put some of our friends off from visiting (if it's heard during dinner, for example, it puts us all off our food)

I've spoken with his wife and asked if he's OK as we have been able to hear him coughing and being sick. She said he's fine. Looked at me like I was crazy...this was Christmas time.

So, is it a physical illness or a habit (perhaps cultural? They're from Sri Lanka)?

Cleanliness is also an issue. There are three flats in total in this block (so quite small) and both we and our neighbours downstairs tend to keep the property clean. Since the couple upstairs moved in we have had to regularly clean up piles of food that have appeared in the communal hallway or on the stairs as well as toe nail clippings, what looks like hairballs and the bin area absolutely stinks and we've had maggots in there. The couple upstairs don't use bin bags, they just chuck rotting food and other rubbish directly into the bins. When they moved in I showed them which bin was there's (clearly labelled) but they sometimes don't use it, choosing to use our bin instead.

Should I approach them again and if so what should I say? Should I just accept that he's unwell and leave it? It's driving us all mad and we loose sleep most nights due to his coughing/ vomiting.

Sorry if this seems petty, but both DH and I swing between saying let's leave it, he's unwell or getting so worked up by being woken up/ put off our dinner that we just want to go round there all guns blazing.

Thanks x

[TeethDrama]

Move on, I would, if you don't have to wait then don't.

[EmeraldScorn]

Have you considered that maybe he has a respiratory disease and therefore his coughing etc is not voluntary?

I think it's pretty unfair to be moaning on the internet about someone who is obviously unwell; I've had a severe cough for quite a while but I would hate to think that my neighbours consider me to be unhygienic because I'm sick.

I also don't fathom your logic about people from Sri Lanka, in fact some of what you've said sounds racially xenophobic - A person's cleanliness can't be deduced by their nationality.

With all of that said however, I do understand why you're frustrated as it can be highly annoying listening to a persistent hacking cough; And I know this because I have been listening to my own for weeks.

It isn't pleasant for you and your partner I'm sure but such is life. As for the bin situation, yeah I'd be pissed off about that; Stick a note up in the communal hallway reminding all tenants to keep the area clean etc etc.

[echt]

I also don't fathom your logic about people from Sri Lanka, in fact some of what you've said sounds racially xenophobic - A person's cleanliness can't be deduced by their nationality.

The issue of cleanliness was quite separate from that of the possible cultural aspects of hacking/throat clearing, as a careful reading of the OP's OP would show.

[chompychompychompchomp]

Thank you for all your responses. Much appreciated and they've helped me to see that DH's solution of selling up and moving sooner, rather than later, is the best solution all round. We'll have to rent around here first as the timing won't be right to move away just yet.

I expect our neighbour is suffering form a terrible lung condition and is having a far worse time than we are at the moment.

We won't approach them again to comment on the coughing and vomiting but will need to address the bin situation as it's just not hygienic having rotting food festering in the bin for up to two weeks at a time. Piles of food dropped and left in the communal hallway and on the stairs - also not acceptable.

How would you deal with the noise if it's happening when potential buyers are viewing our property? There's no escaping it, unless the viewings are timed right to coincide with quiet times during the day but that's impossible to do, obviously. What would you say - if anything? What would you do? Music/ TV would have to be turned up pretty loud to drown the noise and it would be very strange to have that going on when conducting viewings!

[chompychompychompchomp]

Quicky update. DH came home and arrived just after the woman who lives upstairs; she was looking though the post by the front door as he arrived. Her husband was coughing and clearing his throat, very audibly and he thought he'd ask if he was OK gesturing upwards to the noise (this is two flights of stairs down from their flat by the way and his coughing is very very loud even down stairs).

She looked cross but said that he is allergic to dust and does it all the time but he'll stop now that she's home. DH said we were worried as he sounded very ill and she reiterated that he wasn't ill, just sensitive to dust.

She then said that they were unhappy as they were told their flat was new (which it is - newly renovated right before they moved in and it's really quite lovely), but it's a converted flat in a Victorian house and they didn't realise that when they looked around (?!) I guess they assumed the Victorian house was a reproduction?? Brand new. In a street of similarly authentic reproduction Victorian semis...!!

She said that the floorboards upstairs are wooden (again lovely - we had a look around during the renovation) and half the walls of their flat are exterior walls (it's semi-detached) and that's not helping his allergy. They don't have a hoover as he's allergic to them - apparently - and so they sweep dust up with a brush and put it in the bin. The bin they have is too small and sometimes the dust 'flies out' which makes him cough and vomit.

It's all bloody ridiculous to be honest - a load of old nonsense. DH didn't know what to say to this absurdity, however, I'm thinking that, yes, they may both be in denial about his illness and may not want to discuss it with others, making up an allergy to appease us. Bizarre...

[Unescorted]

My mum has oesophageal cancer. She hacks and coughs until she is sick. She would be mortified if we discussed it with her neighbours. Just because the wife is saying he is fine does not mean he is.

[harderandharder2breathe]

As you've realised, you really can't do anything about the noises.

The bin situation is revolting though. Speak to them and explain that maggots have appeared in rubbish and it needs to be in tied bin bags. If it persists, complain to their landlord, it's disgusting and a health hazard

[MrTCakes]

Sounds like he has copd or some other lung condition. If so, there is nothing he could do about it.

[trollspoopglitter]

Or maybe she was politely trying to tell you that her husband's medical details are none of your fucking business?

Why don't you tell them you don't believe them and demand copies of his medical file next

[Scattymere]

We don't know for sure he is ill. Many have said this is a widely known cultural habit and its a fact they have shocking perosol hygiene as well as complete lack of consideration for anyone else with their foul laziness- leaving food and toe clippings out in the open etc. I suspect its this and not an illness, and i'd have definitely posted a note through their door by now. Shocked at so many feeling more for this couple then then the poor OP, who by sounds of it is being driven to near insanity and genuinely worried about being able to sell her flat because of it. OP I think you've been very patient and tolerant but time for some action- they need to be told directly .

[Sunbeam18]

You are legally obliged to be honest about neighbour noise if asked directly by potential purchasers of your property.

[TinselTwins]

Wow! OP @ that update! I'ld have been agog if I'ld been your husband when they said all that! And I'm rarely stuck for words.

[PickledCauliflower]

Sounds like they are in denial. The dust flies up and makes him cough and he is allergic to hoovers?
It's not my business, but I am guessing that they are doing their own diagnosis here, and maybe not seeing medical professionals.
My father in law told people that he was allergic to household cleaning products (to explain his constant coughing). He refused to go to see his gp for years, when he did - he was eventually diagnosed with COPD and died not long after that.

If you can move - I would.

[TeethDrama]

trollspoop it IS the OP's business though if she is disturbed day and night and potentially struggles to sell her property because of the noise?

It is completely possible to be sympathetic to BOTH someone who may (or may not) be ill AND someone who is disturbed constantly by that. Nobody wants to be ill (if that's what it is) but equally nobody wants to hear that kind of noise day and night either. Would you? OP doesn't have to be saintly about it, nor is she just bitching about the neighbours because she doesn't like their curtains or whatever.

[trollspoopglitter]

No teeth, she doesn't get to demand details of someone's medical condition because of noise.
Honestly, this site is ridiculous sometimes - baby crying every night and keeping you awake? Tough shite! How dare you don't put up with it, it's just part of living in flats so suck it up.

Elderly neighbour's coughing? He needs to do something about it, you can't be expected to live like that.

[candycoatedwaterdrops]

I had empathy with you until your last post. Honestly, YABU and a bit unpleasant.

[RebelRogue]

Well i feel for the guy as i've had colds and a nearly constant cough for months. I had cough syrups,antibiotics,inhalers. I don't have asthma,my lungs are fine. Assumed viral. There are nights when i barely get an hour or two of sleep. Most mornings i retch and struggle to brush my teeth as my gag reflex is very high and my throat is all sticky. Some mornings I throw up,but i mostly manage to stop it. It takes quite a bit of effort though. Do you really think i enjoy this? That i want to be coughing? Not to mention the phlegm and throwing up. I am not disgusting,or filthy,and it is not caused for not being British. I'm a normal person with a stupid fucking cough.


On the bin issue though,that is disgusting and if talking to them does not improve things then contact their landlord or the local council.

[chompychompychompchomp]

Yes, we are being unreasonable to use words such as revolting and disgusting in the first post, and we really do feel for the guy, just get so fed up with the noise permeating into our lives on a daily and nightly basis. We do need to control our reactions and won't be bringing up the subject with him or his wife again as it's clearly a sensitive issue.
I can wear ear plugs whilst working and at night but DH doesn't want to.

This evening, DH's return home again coincided with the wife's return from work and he helped her carry a chest of drawers downstairs which belongs to their landlord. She wants the landlord to 'take it away as it's old and my husband doesn't like it.' She also expressed frustration about not knowing where to keep her clothes now as she didn't want them on the 'dirty floor'.

DH thinks that what he said yesterday may have got lost in translation and she thinks that he was referring to the noise the chest of drawers makes... nah...I completely disagree.

I asked DH not to bring up her husband's health again and he didn't, just kept his mouth shut and helped her carry the chest of drawers. No idea if they've informed their landlord about this and I doubt it'll be removed on bin day...

You are legally obliged to be honest about neighbour noise if asked directly by potential purchasers of your property

Hmmm this is what we were afraid of. Telling potential buyers that will put them off. Should we just tell them this as well when we break the news?:
How dare you don't put up with it, it's just part of living in flats so suck it up

[TeethDrama]

trolls OP didn't "demand details", her DH asked in passing (hardly knocking on their door, demanding to know WTH is going on medically?!) if the neighbour's DH was OK and expressed concern in case he is ill.