Elderly neighbours - revolting noise and how to deal with it?

[chompychompychompchomp]

Evening all -sorry, it's a bit long...

Not sure if I am being unreasonable in feeling so utterly fed up and disgusted by my new neighbours so need some advice/ bringing down to earth / support from those who agree with me to give me the go-ahead to speak with them again.

We've lived here, in our flat for three years. The upstairs flat is rented and we've seen various people come and go - all very lovely - usually quite short term lets. An elderly couple (early 70s) moved in in November. We instantly thought how friendly and lovely they were and made small-talk whenever we saw them in the communal area. However, the moment they moved in we also heard very loud coughing, clearing of throat and throwing up occurring - like clockwork - every few hours or so throughout the day and night (think midnight, 3am, 5am, 7am etc - regularly and continuing day and night) It's really revolting. You can't escape it in our flat. The sound seems to echo throughout.

Each time it starts with coughing / sneezing repeatedly for five mins, then clearing of lungs and spitting (proper yakking up) for ten minutes, then there's the throwing up for about twenty minutes (proper heaving). They don't smoke and both seem lively and healthy, fit and able whenever we've seen/ chatted to them.

I think it's the man who does this as his wife seems to go out to work for most of the day. He stays at home pretty much most of the time. He is clearly quite unwell and we feel sorry that he is living with whatever it is he has. Even so, this hacking and vomiting wakes us up, keeps us awake, makes us jump out of our skin (it's THAT loud), and has put some of our friends off from visiting (if it's heard during dinner, for example, it puts us all off our food)

I've spoken with his wife and asked if he's OK as we have been able to hear him coughing and being sick. She said he's fine. Looked at me like I was crazy...this was Christmas time.

So, is it a physical illness or a habit (perhaps cultural? They're from Sri Lanka)?

Cleanliness is also an issue. There are three flats in total in this block (so quite small) and both we and our neighbours downstairs tend to keep the property clean. Since the couple upstairs moved in we have had to regularly clean up piles of food that have appeared in the communal hallway or on the stairs as well as toe nail clippings, what looks like hairballs and the bin area absolutely stinks and we've had maggots in there. The couple upstairs don't use bin bags, they just chuck rotting food and other rubbish directly into the bins. When they moved in I showed them which bin was there's (clearly labelled) but they sometimes don't use it, choosing to use our bin instead.

Should I approach them again and if so what should I say? Should I just accept that he's unwell and leave it? It's driving us all mad and we loose sleep most nights due to his coughing/ vomiting.

Sorry if this seems petty, but both DH and I swing between saying let's leave it, he's unwell or getting so worked up by being woken up/ put off our dinner that we just want to go round there all guns blazing.

Thanks x

[chocolatespiders]

Oh my goodness I feel your pain. Lady two doors away from me wakes me up in the night with these sort of noises it makes me heave. And in the summer if in the garden it feels like I am in her house with her.
I posted on mumsnet about it years ago and got put in my place about how she could have a lung condition. It goes on for 15-20 mins so now I try and put the duvet around my ears and pray people don't think it's coming from my house!!

[specialsubject]

leaving filth in the communal areas is non-negotiable, tell the letting agent and ask them to tell the landlord that their tenancy is being breached. He won't be able to do anything until the tenancy is at least six months in, but he can certainly remind them of the correct use of a bin.

the rest...tricky one. Hard to complain about someone vomiting in the receptacle designed for such use, but I entirely understand how horrible it must be for you.

not a neighbour dispute, and in fact may help your sale.

[ChocChocPorridge]

I spent a year living in a flat with a light well, and up the light well came all the normal noises, but also, at 6:30 on the dot, a man would enter his bathroom, pee, then cough and hack until he'd spat in the toilet to his satisfaction.

I didn't need an alarm clock.

Unfortunately, nothing to be done about that - it wasn't his fault that my bedroom, and his bathroom both had windows in the same space.

The rubbish however, you do need to talk to the agent/landlord and get them to bag their rubbish. No-one wants to attract rats and cockroaches.

[chompychompychompchomp]

approach them directly with a neighbourly gift of some sturdy bin bags 'I noticed you may have run out

There are always bin bags in the cupboard in the hallway. They know this, we and other neighbours have told and shown them.

Also, we're not renters so no landlord to sound proof our flat and we don't want that expense. We're planning to move next year anyway, but may now bring this forward - just concerned that the noise will put potential buyers off

[EineKleine]

Mention the bin thing. Keep mentioning it if necessary.

I think the polite thing is to ignore the noises to be honest. We had an impeccably polite older neighbour who always swore blind she never heard a thing through our shared wall. With a colicky baby up screaming half the night I plain didn't believe her. But I think it was very kind of her pretend it didn't disturb her.

[chatnanny]

My DH has bronchiectasis and the noises are quite unpleasant. He only normally coughs when he lies down so it is mainly at night, especially at the beginning when he first lies down and then again when he first gets up. He also snores loudly but we don't live in a flat! Visiting India I have seen beautifully dressed ladies spitting as you describe in the street. Definitely different cultural sensibilities as others have said. If you weren't wanting to move I'd say contact the landlord re the rubbish. Poor you, what a difficult situation.

[chompychompychompchomp]

I posted on mumsnet about it years ago and got put in my place about how she could have a lung condition

I expect a flaming too. It's not that we have no empathy for the poor guy if he's ill, we really do, it must be awful, but how do we LIVE with the noise day in day out? Moving seems to be the only option. Unless that is, they move out. The lets seem to be quite short-term as it's a very small flat for two people. Had about six different tenants in three years.

[BadKnee]

The man is likely ill. Not much he can do.
If it was a screaming baby would you also complain?
Not pleasant however - but that is the problem with neighbours. (Mine coughs too - I'm used to it now)

The bins - just explain again which is his bin. Put a label on yours.

[HyacinthsBucket]

I'd complain to the landlord, and record the noise from your flat so they are aware of what you are having to listen to. And make it clear that if they don't take action about the rubbish and the sound disturbance, that you will get environmental health on it. Regardless of their tenants health or habits, you have a right to peace and quiet and to be able to eat in your own home. It sounds utterly revolting, and I wouldn't be able to listen to it without being sick myself.

[candycoatedwaterdrops]

You can and should approach them about the bins. I'm afraid that you can't do anything about the noises. People with serious lung diseases do make u pleasant sounding noises and many do vomit/regurgitate afterwards. Much like crying small children, it's part and parcel of living next door to other human beings. Sorry it's annoying but you'd be really wrong to pass comment on it.

[iamapixiebutnotaniceone]

I feel for you! My next door neighbour wakes us every morning with her coughing and hacking, throwing up etc at her back door which is really a side door that is 4 ft away from ours. It constantly stinks of sick out there too

[Wishforsnow]

Wow ok the rubbish is an issue but someone that is ill? If that is an issue I hope you don't have a baby or neighbours that do as what would do if your neighbours complained that it cried?

[brasty]

I am shocked at the comments on here. Mn is normally hot when it comes to children with SN. But adults that are really ill are annoying and should be evicted from their home for being ill?

[TheNiffler]

It does sound like he is suffering from a lung disease - you should try a spell on the respiratory ward if you think he sounds disgusting. We get taught exercises and physio to help clear our lungs, and it does sound revolting :(

[BravoPanda]

Our new late20something neighbour does this and it makes me want to vomit. I thought it was just him but have just realised his girlfriend does it too. Inbetween "Awwww Baaaaabe!" "You know what I meaaaaaaan?!" And "Yer whaaaa?".

I want to punch him through the wall. The insipid sh!t.

[brasty]

And one of the issues those with lung disease often talk about is how others react with disgust to them. People's attitudes are also disabling. I agree that it does sound like bronchiecstasis, which is one of the few lung diseases that is often not caused by smoking.

[Sunbeam18]

How do you imagine recording the noises and presenting that to your neighbours or a landlord wound achieve anything other than upsetting an ill person? Do you think anyone would choose to cough and vomit? He clearly has a respiratory illness.

[brasty]

The hacking up phlegm as a habit is disgusting. But it is the fact that he sounds like he is vomiting that points to a respiratory disease. This is not vomiting, but the sound of bringing up mucus.

[Ankleswingers]

I don't think that there is anything that you can do to stop it op; the noise I mean. The bins, yes, but re the noise I'm not sure what you can do.

Whilst very unfortunate for the unwell person, if you can't bear the noise, then the wisest thing may be to bring your plans forward re moving.

Good luck.

[trollspoopglitter]

"we just want to go round there all guns blazing"

So to be clear, you want to harrass an elderly couple for making bodily noises in their own home? If you do go all guns blazing, I hope they feel sufficiently threatened by you, and call the police so that someone can explain to you in great detail why you don't get to tell your neighbours their bodily function noises disturb you.

[Ankleswingers]

iamapixie that sounds awful. As an emetephobic that would be my worst nightmare.

[PickledCauliflower]

I wouldn't like to hear that so I do sympathise - but it sounds like he is dying. It must be terrible to hear (and obviously for him to experience).
I wish you were renting, so that you could move somewhere with better sound proofing.

[TinselTwins]

but it sounds like he is dying

I have a relative who has been hacking like that for at least the last 15 years and I'm sure they'll outlive us all, they're still very active but it is very difficult to sleep in their house and it freaked DD out when she was a baby if we visited because it's very loud and they'ld do it even if sitting right beside her if she was in my arms and it'ld startle and scare her.

Not a cultural thing.

There's not a lot you can do about the coughing. The bins though absolutely need to be addressed, and if not resolved the YWNBU to blaze your guns (I don't even know if that's a phrase :-D )

[38cody]

Just move.

[PickledCauliflower]

If someone is coughing to the point of vomiting (and not in the short term) there must be something seriously wrong.
I am sympathetic to you though, as I would feel awful listening to it. I wish I had a helpful answer! I would seriously want to move to somewhere with better soundproofing - easier said than done I know.