To go back to the doctors

[Mrsglitterfairy]

This may be long so bare with me... I've suffered with anxiety and depression for many years now, got worse last year when I had a bit of a breakdown, had lots of time off work, counselling and medication etc. A while after that I was feeling better so came off my tablets but now I feel that I need to go back on them.
For a few months now, I have constantly felt unwell in one way or another - headaches, dizziness, pains in my back & legs, shakes and stomach problems. I have been to the docs a couple of times, was referred for X-rays on my back, mri scan on my brain but nothing has come back yet I still feel no better.
I'm not sleeping well at all, constantly feel anxious about nothing, cry and or scream/shout at DH at the drop of a hat, am moody with DCs and some days I literally want to run away and hide somewhere. I was lying in bed this morning, could hear them all chatting etc downstairs and cried, couldn't face getting out of bed.
I do think I need to go back to the doctors and possibly go back on my medication but I'm sick of feeling like 'the crazy one' who needs tablets to get through life.

[holeinmyheart]

Go back to your GP, as what is the point of suffering like this? What is the alternative? Of course you should exercise vigorously everyday, eat healthily etc. but sometimes the negative feelings are just too overwheming and you need help.
Go and get help as you owe it to yourself and your DCs. You are not a wimp and you are not weak. It is not your fault that you feel like this.

Lots of hugs as you need them. Also I have been there and got the 'T' shirt. I get help and don't feel like a wimp. Anxiety is an horrible affliction.

[Mrsglitterfairy]

Thank you hole after reading my post back I know you're right. A good thing that you mentioned then re excercise and eating, I eat crap and don't excercise any more. Simply because I can't be arsed. I've put quite a bit of weight on in the past year, and although I hate it, can't be bothered doing anything about it. Going to call them in the morning x

[SABeeTiger]

I'm in exactly the same position as you, personal life and work have swirled into an uncontrollable shitstorm over the last few months and I can feel things slipping and I don't like it. I try to look at it that I'm not a failure, it's not a weakness to ask for help, even if it's for the 3rd time! Tt's a positive thing that I'm trying to make myself better. And so are you!! Hugs to us all!

[maggiecate]

It might be that you need to stay on medication long term, rather than come off when you're feeling better. You wouldn't think anything about a diabetic needing to stay on medication, or for a heart problem - why should taking something to keep the chemicals in your brain that effect mood from misfiring be any different? No point struggling when you don't have to, if medication works for you. Once you're feeling better give it a few months (don't rush it!) and then speak to you GP about options for a maintenance dose rather than cutting out altogether.

[DeleteOrDecay]

YANBU and you are not crazy, just unwell. I totally understand how you feel. Please get the help you need to feel better, for yourself and also for those around you.

[Mrsglitterfairy]

Thank you for your support everyone. I think the first thing I need to do is to tell DH how I've been feeling as he currently doesn't know, just knows I've been a moody twat who keeps crying! Then I'll make an appointment with my gp, need to get myself well again!

[fallenempires]

There is absolutely no shame whatsoever in seeking the help you need.If you have recognised that you have reached that point then that's a good sign IME.How did your DH support you last time?

[Mrsglitterfairy]

DH was really supportive last time although he doesn't understand it. He keeps asking me now if everything's ok, but I just keep putting it down to being tired or stressed with work etc xx

[fallenempires]

It's a difficult thing to understand or get your head around unless you've suffered yourself,but thankfully you have support there,that's so important.
Wishing you all the best.

[Wolfiefan]

Good luck tomorrow. I was on meds and came off. I also did CBT which gave me strategies to help. If I needed to stay on pills though it's no different than needing an inhaler every day for my asthma is it? If you aren't well then why wouldn't you take medication to make you well.

[Mrsglitterfairy]

I'm dreading tomorrow but I know I have to do it.
Things are hard at the min, DH best friend is currently undergoing intensive treatment for leukaemia so I don't want to add to his worries but I'm going to have to tell him.
Thanks for all the support,

[fallenempires]

There's never a right time to be ill,you didn't ask for any of this.

[holeinmyheart]

It is strange isn't it, if you broke your leg you wouldn't have the least problem in telling everyone.
I don't know why I was born anxious and have lived with the situation all my life. I certainly didn't ask to feel like this. It is not my fault, and it is not yours either *mrsglitterfairy'
I appear outwardly to have lived a rich, fulfilling life with an excellent profession. long marriage and lovely successful children. However, I know that the black cloud hangs over me. Bugger it.
However, at least I recognise it and take steps to prevent myself from falling into the black hole. I think recognising, that you are what you, is half the battle.
What is the shame in getting help? I am on no medication at the moment but I am so glad it is there when necessary.
Good luck, and here's to your feeling better soon xxx lots of them.