AIBU thinking I don't see my boyfriend enough?

[Tinkerbec]

I have been seeing my boyfriend for over two years. We are in our thirties.

He lives with his mum and me with my parents and my daughter.

He stays over Thursday nights and Sundays from about 6pm and I stay at his Friday nights while my parents take my daughter to a church club.

We are saving to buy a housr and may have enough by next Christmas.

I wake up Saturday morning and I am home usually between 9-10 for my daughter. Sometimes on the Saturday she sees her Dad. She hasn't in two weeks as he is working ( but that's another story).

So I spend all day Saturday without oh and all day Sunday until 6pm. I usually do work on Sunday for my job for several hours.

Now he is really into gaming and uses this to relax. His argument is that if he hangs out at mine there is nothing to do. His pc is not at mine etc. Plus hanging out with either parents constantly is a bit rubbish.


We could take my daughter out but she is usually at her Dads for a few hours.

Am I unreasonable to feel lonely all weekend. I am prepared to accept if I am. I just get a bit sad seeing all these couples on facebook doing stuff together. ( I know I know)

In order to not drip feed. We lives 15 minutes drive apart.
We also work together. So drive in and out together and maybe see each other for 20 minutes at lunch and maybe another 30 minutes in work time though thats with other people.

Am I being silly?

[Tinkerbec]

I am not actually at work on Sunday. I do work at home for the coming week.

Yes Saturday I agree.

Usually I have to take dd to her Dads which is a hassle and often takes two hours of my time. This has improved in the last six months though.

[LemonSqueezy0]

I wouldn't go over someone's house on a Sunday while they were at work and their parents were in! Doubt many people would do that regularly either.... What do you do on a Saturday though, if you were both available? I'm another one who doesn't see the fact he is a gamer as a red flag either. He should sit quietly and wait until OP is free to do something?! I agree you should probably rent and see how this relationship actually functions In the real world. I'd advise that to anyone, it just makes sense to trial it before it gets too complicated with mortgages and a big load of money is tied up.

[Tinkerbec]

We do have similar interests we love, Maths and Science.

Sometimes our free time is spent doing maths puzzles or gchq puzzles.
We also like escape rooms which we do in the holidays as they can be expensive.

I enjoy hanging out and doing our own thing too.

It's just the whole weekend that bothers me for some reason.

[Screenburn]

Some of what you've said sounds a lot like me and my DP - we work together, been together 2.5 years, he really likes gaming etc.

The main difference is that we both rent alone and separately (i.e. not with parents) and when we do spend time together we do a mixture of things we both enjoy, things we individually enjoy but in each other's company, and doing 'boring' things together - cooking, cleaning, work...as such we feel we will be absolutely fine to live together when the time comes (which we've agreed will be this year). I'd say that, even when we do live together, we'll only spend about 3-4 evenings a week in each other's company anyway due to various commitments.

It sounds like you and your boyfriend spend an awful lot of time together to say you don't live together, but how much of that is actually spent doing your own thing? What kind of things do you have in common, and how much time will you expect to spend with him when you live together? From what you've said I think I'd be worried that the only thing he likes is gaming and so anything that's not that will be 'boring' to him.

[Tinkerbec]

Think we need to chat.

I just don't know what to say.

I am so sad these last weeks

[OurBlanche]

Not in itself, no. DH is in his 50s and indulges

But refusing to see more of a partner because their computer doesn't have your games on in it? That is a bit of a concern surely?

[NerrSnerr]

My husband is in his 30s and plays computer games to relax. He is also a functioning member of society with a job, a wife, a child and does not play games instead of doing what needs to be done. He is currently at the park with our daughter while I'm in the bath.

Gaming in itself shouldn't be a red flag!

[NapQueen]

Yep you buy

Buy alone. Live alone. Then he can start spending more time at yours and trial things and if you live well together then make it more permanent.

[Tinkerbec]

Thanks all for your input.

I don't know what to do for the best.

I posted a thread at Christmas. The general consensus was stay with my parents until I can buy.

[Slimmingsnake]

If he's gaming in his 30s to relax ,that won't stop when you move in together...I expect he's very happy with his life and I expect he has no intention of spending less time on his Xbox when he moves in with you...you are dating a man child with the emphasis on child

[Tinkerbec]

He has lived alone yes but not for a few years.
His mum really relies on him as she is just recovering an illness but will get better.

[AthenasOwl]

He sounds like an immature, moody little boy. Doesn't want to hang out at your house because there's nothing to do and his computer isn't there? Has he ever lived alone?

[Tinkerbec]

I probably will mind you are right.

I read forums a lot too and am always on my phone.

I think we would have to find a compromise.

[BingoBingoBingoBango]

You will mind.

[Tinkerbec]

Yea he does know. I would give him it back if the worst happened.

I am not unreasonable in that instance.

[NapQueen]

Does he know that you intend to take money from him to go towards a house that he will not be entitled to?

[Crispbutty]

"I know he will game if we live together I don't mind. I can exercise, do my work , play with dd etc. "

Sounds doomed before it begins. Just get a lodger who can cook... Oh...

[Tinkerbec]

It is not his fault the credit score. Long story.

He is frugal with money and has more savings towards the house than me.

I would not mind if it was just one day at the weekend too.

[Sunnyshores]

Sorry to be harsh - but it sounds as if you spend alot of time (hours) together, but not as if you'e really building a life and memories together.

[Beebeeeight]

He's a total man child!

How can this be appealing to you?

Prioritises gaming
Lives with parents
Poor credit score

He's hardly a catch!

What makes your self esteem so low that this is all you expect from a relationship?

[ilovesooty]

You see quite a lot of each other as it is but it doesn't sound like a relationship where both parties are wanting to make any commitment.

[Tinkerbec]

It will be in my name due to credit scoring thats all. We share money as it is really. So it will just be the same.

He spends time with my daughter in the week and Sundays.

I know he will game if we live together I don't mind. I can exercise, do my work , play with dd etc.

He would be the one that cooks as I he likes it. I don't really.

I just worry its all weekend thats all.

[Trills]

Does he spend any time with your daughter?

Do you imagine that when you live together he will do half of the household jobs (I bet he doesn't do many with his parents) and take on an active co-parenting role?

[MuttsNutts]

YANBU to want to see him more but it's obviously enough for him (which is not unreasonable of him) so I really wouldn't commit to him before a trial period of living together to see if you are truly compatible. You said the mortgage is in your name only so at least if he sits gaming all day in preference to doing stuff with you, you can ask him to leave yes?

Sorry to sound so negative but if he isn't anxious to spend more of his free time with you at this stage, he probably never will, whether you live together or not.

[BingoBingoBingoBango]

You realise he's just going to sit and game when you live together don't you.