AIBU to ask for my money back?

[LeahRose09]

Sorry bit of a long story but here goes!

Just before Xmas, I gave a friend of mine some money so she could buy her kid some Xmas presents. I told her that it was OK for her to pay me back after Xmas as she's paid on the 7th of every month.
Anyway, I asked her this week if she can pay me back and she said she had no money. Now I know she does as she's always buying new things and going out every weekend, the weekend just gone she bragged how she spent £100 on a new dress for date.
After I asked her for the money back, she said that she doesn't have to pay me back because I gave her the money for her kid and not for her, and I shouldn't stress her out because she has depression.
She knows I'm struggling because she helped me bring back food from the food bank on Monday, and since my partner passed last year she knows how hard everything has been for me.
I've borrowed money to her before and she's always paid me back so I don't understand why she's being the way she is.
Was I being unreasonable? I feel really bad that I've upset her and if her depression is as bad as she says, I feel awful if I've made it worse. Another part of me is just desperate for the money because I'm on my arse right now.

[LeahRose09]

Oh I had to chuckle at the judge rinder comment! No I most certainly won't b lending anyone any more money. Its just silly at how far its gone, makes me think twice at helping someone out now x

[GimmeeMoore]

you've reached out to her when you heard about her difficulties.unlikely she'll pay you back
I guess dust yourself down.have a good think that you've got needs too and don't lend money
You've tried to do right thing,and im sorry you're now having hard time too

[Lunde]

Take her on Judge Rinder!

[LeahRose09]

Sorry for the late reply. I can't prove that the window being smashed is related, but it seems extremely odd that we'd fall out and then this happens. I've nobody around here that I'm unfriendly with, I just keep myself to myself really.
Thank you guys, your support means a lot to me, truly. If it was something to do with her then I hope she can live with it. Little one is terrified and won't sleep with the light off now, hard when I'm having to ration electric for the next couple of days, but that's just the way it is. Hopefully next week will be better. Keeping my head up as much as I can x

[princessmouldilocks]

I do apologise just seen the rest of your posts. I have no real friends either, people I say hi to and pass the time of day but nobody I feel I could really confide in. Stay strong hun

[princessmouldilocks]

She can afford nights out and new dresses but cannot afford Xmas presents for her dc?! Text her asking her what her poor child would like for bday or next Xmas as you want to keep an eye out for it in sales. Say I don't want you to have to do something desperate to get dc a present like miss your next weekend out. In fact pull her up in front of your friends?! Seriously when you have a friend risking their own to help you and that's the way she behaves? Also the reactions on your post? It's a sore thing when we can't trust each other but I suppose this is how the world works. Mistrust your friends and family

[dowhatnow]

[dowhatnow]

{flowers] to cheer you up. What a bitch.

[lovelearning]

LeahRose09

Just a thought

Does she know you're a Mumsnetter?

[Proseccohoho]

Feel terrible for you, what an awful thing to happen to someone who is is caring and giving. Karma is a bitch and will hopefully pay her back and I really hope you stay warm and don't lose faith. You sound like a lovely person and deserve a friend who is just as special. X

[SquinkiesRule]

OMG thats awful, do you think this is connected or random? Would she do something like this?
Stay safe and strong Leah, you'll get through this.

[LeahRose09]

Well, last night ended in my living room window being broken. Police have been over again today to check on me. Window is boarded up and the council is going to install panic alarms and extra locks on the windows are door. I can't stop crying and I'm doing my best to keep it together. I didn't expect things to get this ugly :( I've not done anything to anyone, I've only ever gone out of my way to help people. House is freezing so we're in the bedroom under the douvet watching peppa pig DVD. I just want this week to be over :( sorry for being so down. Things are just really getting to me today. Thank you for listening x

[mimishimmi]

She's pretty much told you clearly that she does not intend to repay the money. Cut the friendship.

[myusernamewastaken]

I bet she didn't even use the £60 for presents for her kid...it probably went on fags...booze...or clothes for herself....selfish cow !!!
I have a rule...i have never lent money or borrowed money and its stood me in good stead.

[LeahRose09]

I agree Deathstare, its gone now. And I'll definitely try and socialise, this has knocked me but I'll do my best. Thank you

[DeathStare]

OP You may have only had her but I suspect that was a situation of her making. People like that both exclude you from making other friends and sap your confidence and energy so you end up less likely to make new friends. Now you've got rid of her I'm sure you will make genuine friends. Get out as much as you can - even if only to the park - and make a resolution to talk to someone new every time you do. You'll have a network of friends in no time I'll bet, and will barely even remember who this woman was.

Re the money - I completely understand PPs saying chase her for it. And I completely understand. But I'm going to be pragmatic.... she's not going to give it you back no matter what you do (IMHO) so personally I wouldn't expend any more effort on trying to get it back or continue any communication with her. I know you can't afford to lose it but unfortunately I think you already have.

[LeahRose09]

It does doesn't it wornoutboots. Don't know what I'm more annoyed at, her for being this way when she knows my electric and gas will go either tomorrow or Saturday or at myself for being so stupid!

[wornoutboots]

I've had similar "oh we can't afford christmas! woe, woe!" so I bought them presents for the kids. Then in January they booked an all inclusive holiday.

At least they never claimed they'd pay me back.
it still smarts though.

[LeahRose09]

Dailymaui, pathetically I only had her. Family don't talk to me and I didn't have any other friends but her. She'd always get jealous when I'd meet someone new that I just gave up in the end because it was just too much hassle. I think in a dumb way, I relied on her friendship more than a friend should. Not in any sort of romanric relationship way, but I think I relied on her and used the friendship as a crutch rather than sorting my head out first. I've always felt or had it banged into my head that I needed people to cope with life, now I'm learning that that isn't the case. Its just hard being alone all the time, too scared to meet people but too scared to be alone if thast makes sense

[LeahRose09]

Wow I can't believe this has happened to so many people! I'm sorry you've all had to go through that, I really am. I'm blocked from her facebook and I'm running out of credit on my phone so I'll have to leave it for now.

I just can't believe she's been so horrible to me. She knows I can't work yet as I have PTSD. I'm working on that and I do attend counselling. I'm hoping to get back to work asap because I hate being at home on my own.

It feels like history is repeating itself again and I do it every time. I always say "I'm going to change and things need to be different". It works for about a week and then I regress to a kid again. If early 20's is this bad, im dreading late 20's lol

[DailyMaui]

Do you have anyone in real life who can help you? Any mutual friends? She's really taken advantage of you at a very vulnerable time.

[Headofthehive55]

Ask if you can borrow money from her. Tell her you need food. Tell her you'll pay her back no probs. Obviously you won't! It might work!

[ChuckSnowballs]

Does you friend use mumsnet op? if she does she'll probably know this is about her...

Lets hope so and she pays her friend back.

[Earlgreywithmilk]

im just not understanding why now it's become a problem paying me back

Probably that £100 dress! She couldn't afford Xmas presents for her child and then she's buying £100 dresses? I'm pretty well off and even I wouldn't spend £100 on a dress! Wtf?