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AIBU?

to think it's rude to have your phone out at dinner and want to say something?

40 replies

CaptainWarbeck · 08/01/2017 07:47

This is DM who we are away with on holiday for a few days. We all go out for dinner/lunch together and she will have her phone up in front of her sitting reading it while we're waiting for our food etc in a restaurant. No one else at the table is doing this.

I've tried saying we think it's rude in our house and have a rule not to do this/subsequently asking what she's reading to try and get her to at least chat if she's just sitting there but she doesn't think it's a problem. DF thinks we're making a fuss about nothing. AIBU to think it's really rude? What else can I say to try and get her to put it away for meals during this trip away?!

OP posts:

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BakeOffBiscuits · 08/01/2017 08:55

I think it's very rude but there's not much you can do about it. As your Ds gets older the may be lots of things you don't like her doing or saying infront of your Ds.

You will have to learn to put up with it or say something to her but also know that you can't actually stop her having those views or doing those things. She's a grown adult!

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cravingcake · 08/01/2017 09:05

Agree it is rude. Maybe try sending her a text while she is doing this asking if she would like to order pudding.

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Anniegetyourgun · 08/01/2017 09:06

That clip is brilliant. It puts a finger right in the middle of what's been vaguely bothering me about today's constant phone/social media habit. Actually sometimes it's not so vaguely. I'm quite often held up whilst driving by people who had to pull up somewhere highly unsuitable to answer their phones (busy roads, disabled bays, blind corners, and on one memorable occasion, traffic lights); I'm pretty sure we don't have that many heart surgeons in my town . Then there was that dreadful case of a lorry driver causing a fatal accident by fiddling with his phone settings whilst driving on the motorway - everyone's worst nightmare. OK, that's an extreme. People who sit at the dinner table with their phones out aren't likely to cause any deaths. All they stand to lose is interaction with their families and friends, who presumably they went to some effort to meet. It's not sensible and it's not polite.

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diddl · 08/01/2017 09:21

Rude to me too.

Don't have meals with them anymore?

What's the point if she's just looking at he phone?

Is it just whist waiting for the meal?

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lovelearning · 08/01/2017 09:21

What else can I say

Mum

We feel ignored when you're on your phone

As though you're completely uninterested in us

Is our company that boring?

Remember how we used to chat?

Back in the good old days

Please put your phone away

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AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 08/01/2017 09:25

I've tried saying we think it's rude in our house and have a rule not to do this
She is an adult, not a child visiting your house.

If you are on holiday and having every meal together it's not the same as a one off meal out together with someone. If I had arranged to meet someone for dinner and then they sat looking at their phone I would find it rude, but just day to day eating with family I can't get stressed about.

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Mummyoflittledragon · 08/01/2017 09:55

TBH I think you've paid to go on holiday with her. And she should be really pleased that you and your dh care about her enough and are happy enough to want to spend this length of time with her. If she continues to be this rude, perhaps this will be your last family holiday. Say something along those lines to her and she may wish to have a rethink about her attitude to the phone. No, I would not accept this. I'd take the attitude I've paid to have a nice family holiday, not watch a family member disengage.

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NigellasGuest · 08/01/2017 10:01

If you are on holiday and having every meal together it's not the same as a one off meal out together with someone. If I had arranged to meet someone for dinner and then they sat looking at their phone I would find it rude, but just day to day eating with family I can't get stressed about.

Exactly what I was thinking!

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caz323 · 08/01/2017 13:44

Yes, rude for sure. That would irritate the hell out of me too. Cravingcake's suggestion is brilliant and funny!! Thanks for the laugh with that one!

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DailyFail1 · 08/01/2017 13:48

Rule at home is everybody eats around the table and needs to be undistracted during meals. That means no homework, newspapers, books, phones, or dh trying to wire music into the kitchen from the soundbar. I do this because I want everybody to focus on the food and each other as a family. I personally don't think using a phone during mealtimes is rude.

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LucklessMonster · 08/01/2017 13:55

Rude.

I would get my own phone out under the table and call her. When she answers, say, "Hi Mum. This seems to be the only way to have a conversation with you."

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SilentBiscuits · 08/01/2017 13:56

Thanks for that link, Ama. Fascinating!

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Rollonbedtime7pm · 08/01/2017 13:59

Text her - "Hello?!"

If she texts back the issue is worse than you think...

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LostSight · 08/01/2017 14:21

Have you tried just talking to her at some point when you find yourself alone with her? If it was my Mum, I would honestly just talk to her about it. I would explain that it was making me feel she didn't really want to spend time with me. I would say that I appreciate her coming away with us as a family but feel the phone is coming between us.

You can then see what she says. It may be, when asked in a reasonable manner, that she will just stop. She may not even realise the effect it is having, especially if she and your DF do it all the time.

If she kicks off, and it frustrates you to the point it is spoiling your holiday, don't go away with them again.

I put my foot down asked him to stop when DH started doing it. I could forsee a time when I would be sitting round the table with DH and three teenagers, none of them interested enough in me or the food to pay attention.

There's a time and place for mobile devices addiction and it is not when the family have come together to see one another.

climbs down off high horse

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Rachel0Greep · 08/01/2017 14:37

I would consider it rude. I think I would just continue the conversation around her, and basically ignore her behaviour.

I had a friend who acted as if her phone would explode or something if she didn't immediately answer it, be it a call or a text, while we were out together, usually at a meal. We have grown apart, so it's no longer an issue.

As far as I am concerned, put away the phone while at the table. No problem if someone does a quick check to make sure things are okay at home, or whatever, but sitting reading it, no way.