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AIBU?

Is this U?

57 replies

TowerRavenSeven · 01/01/2017 21:29

I got called on this out of the blue from an old 'friend/enemy'.

From the time ds was old enough to understand until maybe the age of 5 when he needed to do something (go to bed, leave the house) or stop something (come in from playing) we sometimes used a timer.

I'd give ample warning (10 mins) or so and tell him when the timer rings it's time to do whatever we wanted him to do. We definitely did not use it every day, more like a few times a week. MIL had green pepper shaped kitchen timer, and we had an apple shaped one so it made it kind of fun plus more importantly he could see how much time he had left because the dial moved, it wasn't digital.

It was kind of fun to say 'apple rang, time to get your shoes on', etc. it worked fantastic. Ds never questioned it and it didn't make us the bad guy, if pepper/apple said it was time to go it was.

However above said old friend/enemy once told me it was bonkers and an utterly stupid thing to do, treating ds like a dog (?!) I myself use a timer even now a lot, like I'll clean for such and such time, then take a break, so I never thought this was odd at all especially it's not like we used it for everything we asked ds to do. But it always bothered me that she thought it was demeaning to ds and bonkers. Do you think it was?

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Juanbablo · 02/01/2017 07:57

It's not weird or unreasonable. We have used a timer too. Ds1 has special needs and it works really well for him and also means that it is the timer making the demand, not me, which is not me getting out of anything, it means it is less stressful and less pressure for ds1.

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SquedgieBeckenheim · 02/01/2017 07:18

That is genius!

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MoggieMaeEverso · 02/01/2017 07:08

We use the Time Timer. It's brilliant because it has a visual display. It's about helping kids manage transitions, not about training them like dogs... Your friend sounds ignorant and poorly informed.

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HermioneWoozle · 02/01/2017 06:53

Great idea, OP. It's so hard for little kids to get the concept of time.

I used to count down from 20 to get them out of the bath, used a timer for time outs, and give them a five minute and two minute warning to stop an activity.

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minisoksmakehardwork · 02/01/2017 06:38

Another one who has and continues to use s timer. Picked it up from parenting classes. They also use them in our preschool when there's arguments over a specific toy, to countdown to changes of activity and to encourage fidgety children to stay at an activity.

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TowerRavenSeven · 02/01/2017 05:18

Thank you so much again for your kind answers.

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LockedOutOfMN · 02/01/2017 02:01

Timers are really useful. My parents didn't use a timer but they would always say things like 5 more minutes TV/until bedtime/until we're off to school, etc. Your friend's being goady. Ignore her.

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EllenJanethickerknickers · 02/01/2017 01:58

Just adding to the consensus. DS2 has ASD and a timer was essential for transitions when he was younger. He wouldn't strop half so much if the timer said it was the end if his turn, time for school etc. I used an kitchen timer with an LCD display that counted down and gave warning beeps at 10 and 5 minutes to go, then a final alarm. He's 17 now and I still use it for timing the pasta!

We now use his phone alarm to remind him to leave the house and catch the bus to college (different time each day.)

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Ohdearducks · 02/01/2017 01:34

Sorry that should say nursery I don't work in a school, I have no idea why I said that Confused

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Ohdearducks · 02/01/2017 01:33

We do this for the kids at school your frenemy is being a dick. But I'm guessing that's why she's a frenemy.

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Witchend · 02/01/2017 01:25

How many dogs understand timers?Confused

Helpful for ds too, he's 9yo, and I use my phone on countdown.

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Biffsboys · 02/01/2017 01:23

Why did I never think of this - off to search for a fun shaped timer tomorrow !!!

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AmeliaJack · 02/01/2017 01:21

^^ timer Autocorrected to 'time' all the way through that post grrr.

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AmeliaJack · 02/01/2017 01:21

Well she sounds just delightful.

I haven't ever used a time that particular way (although we do say in five minutes we are leaving please go to the loo and put on your shoes etc) but we do occasionally set a time to ensure equal turns on the electronic games or toys.

We also do "10 minute tidies" where we set the time and all run around madly until it goes off.

Keep the timer, lose the friend.

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VimFuego101 · 02/01/2017 01:08

We use a timer with DS all the time. It took all the confrontation out of it and made life much easier.

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SENPARENT · 02/01/2017 00:55

I used to use a timer for my son with autism who couldn't cope with things being sprung on him. I used to set the timer on the cooker and say "When the beeper goes you have to get ready for bed," or whatever it was I wanted him to do. It worked a treat.

Your friend is a twat.

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WorraLiberty · 01/01/2017 23:19

She loved it so much she stole it and took it home with her Grin Grin Grin

I don't know why that made me laugh so much!

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WorraLiberty · 01/01/2017 23:18

That's a really good idea.

I used to point to the hands on the clock and say, "When they get to here, you need to do XYZ". My mum and dad used to say the same to us.

I don't see the difference although I like your idea much more.

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ChuckSnowballs · 01/01/2017 23:17

I used to use it with my stepdaughter for reading before bed. She loved it so much she stole it and took it home with her

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coxsorangepippin · 01/01/2017 23:15

I use timers for myself. It's called the 'pomodoro technique' if you google it and it makes me much more productive!

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IWantATardis · 01/01/2017 23:14

I often give the DC warnings about 10 / 5 minutes left before xyz happens, but I hadn't thought of using a timer as a visual aid to that.

It's a great idea. DS1 in particular reacts very negatively if he feels things have been sprung on him without warning.

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Liiinoo · 01/01/2017 23:13

I think your 'friend' is jealous that you have system that works. Be smug OP.

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TheOtherGalen · 01/01/2017 23:13

Next time you see that frenemy, be sure to have an egg timer with you. Tell her she has exactly 30 seconds within which to disparage your parenting skills.

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DramaAlpaca · 01/01/2017 23:11

Great idea to use a timer.

I used to give my DC a ten minute, then five minute, then two minute warning before we did something, but if I'd thought of a timer back then I'd have used it.

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Muddlingalongalone · 01/01/2017 23:08

I've always done this with dd1 - used to do it with cooker timer when we loved in a flat but also with numbers on cooker clock once she recognised them (loved numbers at 2.5/3 crap at maths now at 6) & still do it with her on ipad at night when I'm putting Dd2 to bed as time to stop watching & get into bed.
Haven't done it yet with Dd2 who's just over 2 coz I don't think she'd get it yet but rapidly approaching that stage now as the independent streak is huge & tantrums are beginning

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