To be a quite worried at how hard I think I'm going to find this?

[LittleRobinRed]

I've made a firm commitment to give up alcohol for a month at least and then significantly cut down thereafter. I've noticed over the past six months or so that I often/always reach for a glass of wine in the evening as a method of signalling the hard work of the day is over and I can relax. I have a very full on, full time job and two very adventurous, boisterous and often challenging (but equally wonderful) little boys (aged 3 and 5). My days are so full on - I get up, I get them ready, we do the school run, I dash to work, I work hard all day, I come home (Dh does pick ups), I referee/ entertain/ transport to various clubs all evening, we get them to bed, I then catch up on emails and work, and then around 9 or 10pm I get a glass of wine. It has become my reward and my emotional crutch and thinking back over the last six months there is probably rarely a night I haven't drank. I rarely have more than a glass and never have more than two at most but I am really feeling anxious about not drinking in the evenings! I will do it as I can be as stubborn as they come when I commit to something - but it has really struck me how worried I am about changing this habit and how reliant I am on having a drink!

[wineusuallyhelps]

Littlerobinred I have a similar relationship with wine as you do. I haven't been drunk for about 12 years but I do use a glass of wine or two as a 'reward' and for quick relaxation. It's just a habit, a bit like comfort eating maybe.

I'm doing dry January too and my plan is to replace the wine with nice cordials and soda water. I might even put it in a fancy glass 😂! DH and I are also trying to become ultra-organised this year as we have realised that not being 100% on top of things is resulting in us getting ratty, overtired and reaching for the Pinot too many nights of the week....

Ideally I would like to have a tipple on Fridays and Saturdays only from February onwards!

Two days down and 29 to go!

Good luck!

[CabbagesOnFire]

LittleRobinRed, I did this recently, for very similar reasons. I went a month without drinking, just because it had become a crutch, even though the quantities weren't excessive.
It was hard, but it wasn't that hard. Eating earlier than usual was good for me, because it's before eating that I really want to drink. Sometimes I even "gave in" - got a wine glass out saying "fine, I'll have one!" then distracted myself until the feeling passed and I put the glass away again.
Seeing friends was hard, but they did understand, and were fine with me drinking lemonade or tea.
After a couple of weeks, I started to feel really healthy, and pleased with myself!........ I almost didn't want to go back to the booze. I do drink now, but it is reassuring to know that I can stop.

[iveabigsecret]

I'm pregnant and spent Christmas happily sober. Non alcoholic wine for me wasn't super.

However lidls sparking deluxe juice is superb. Apple looks like champagne and in the right glass feels like a grown up drink. They also do a fabulous silician lemonade in a nice flippy lid bottle.

One last thing, try pomegranate juice lime juice and lemonade. Superb!

Well done on stopping the daily wine! And yes to starting your hobbies again. Good luck!

[milkmoustache]

When I was pregnant I discovered a great tomato juice, Big Tom, which definitely felt like a proper drink. I added plenty of ice, lime and Worcester sauce and it's got such a big flavour you have to drink it slowly.
But I would also have a careful think about the number of activities you do every week, life doesn't have to be quite so hectic to be enjoyable for all of you, does it?

[MrsMeeseeks]

I would also recommend stocking up on sweets or pop. If you're a regular drinker, your body may well crave the sugar if you stop suddenly.

[MrsMeeseeks]

It might not be as hard as you think it will be. I quit 6 years ago and found it very easy. I was a right piss artist as well

I can recommend the book Allan Carr's Easy Way To Control Alcohol. It helped to get me in the right mindset. Now, I enjoy sobriety so much that it's no effort not to drink.

Good luck!

[DarthMother]

I bought a bottle of posh (ie far more expensive than I would normally consider) cordial and have it in a wine glass with sparkling water instead of a glass of wine when I'm laying off the booze. It feels like a "grown up" drink.

[Benedikte2]

OP I think your instincts are right in wanting to cut down on your dependence on alcohol as a relaxant. Try to find some other "habit" to replace it with. Once you feel confident that you can easily do without the wine then you can reintroduce the odd glass of an evening.
Although you are very busy you seem to be managing well and to be able to meet your DCs needs re school, time spent with them etc and it would be a shame to come to rely on a crutch which could affect your health.
Good luck.

[DorotheaBeale]

I agree that perhaps you could make the evenings less stressful by encouraging the children to entertain themselves and dropping some or all of the activities. Then as the evenings get lighter, maybe relax by having a walk together, rather than going places in the car.

But I also agree with pp that one small to medium glass of wine most evenings isn't harmful.

[ZouBisou]

Like you I used to have a glass or two of wine every single evening to wind down after work, and got to the point where I couldn't remember the last day I didn't have a drink.

I decided to stop drinking Mon - Thurs indefinitely rather than doing a dry month. I was actually surprised by how easy it was. Diet 7 Up is my replacement drink of choice, or sometimes tonic without the gin.

I'm not so strict thought that if I'm going out for a dinner for a friend's birthday mid week though that I won't allow myself a drink in those circumstances. And the last 2 weeks has just been a free for all what with Xmas and NY. But I know I can go back to dry Mon - Thurs now and it'll be fine. Good luck!

[Notinmybackyard]

I have had a glass of wine most nights for the past 40 years. I have enjoyed excellent health and was actually recommended to do this by my consultant to help to lower my cholesterol level and to help keep it low. Some red wines are more beneficial than others. As long as you stick to just one glass I can't see the problem. Or you could replace what you drink now with a lower strength of alcohol or a different drink. In the hot summer months I might have an organic cider or a similar drink.

[flumpybear]

I feel a bit the same, I'm cutting out week day drinking in January and hoping to extend for a year - I did this a few years ago wth cherry coke (it helped keep me awake when the kids were small and not sleeping well) and I found that easy - completely gave up for a whole year and rarely have it these days 4 years later!
With alcohol I'm like pp said, it's a switch off mechanism for me
Find a suitable alternative drink - mine is fuzzy water and fresh lime juice

[Pikawhoo]

Agree with others who recommend replacing the habit with another type of drink or treat.

I can highly recommend Waterloo Tea's white peach blossom tea (it's a white tea but a nice subtle fragrance): waterlootea.com/products/white-peach-blossom

Or (this sounds weird but is good) lychee juice with tonic water.

[70ontheinside]

I have substituted a glass of wine for a cup of "nice" tea - so far it works and still has the treat feeling for me. Also cuts down massively on calories!

[Comfortzone]

A wine glass full of iced non alcoholic worked for me& gave same 'treat' factor Good luck!

[Miserylovescompany2]

I guess it depends on how big your wine glass is? By having two, you are already over the recommended amount.

The hardest part will be breaking the habit. It's also about putting something else in place of the alcohol? Whether it be something relaxing, or doing something with your hands like tapestry? There are some fabulous non alcoholic drinks on the market, but they contain loads of sugar. Not really what you need when you are trying to wind down...

Try every third day. Then stretch it out to four...until you are only having a drink at the weekend or special occasion. Going cold turkey would be an option if you didn't want to drink again...

[Justaboy]

knittingwithnettles Poor woman have to tried to talk to her or encourage her to seek help as it sounds to me shes if not alcoholic almost there.,. What a way to live is it really worth it sodding your health up like this?

Little robin! tapestry now that does sound well cheaper fo a start:)

What lovely idea:)

[knittingwithnettles]

I would also recommend giving up all those clubs! They are only 3 and 5 atm, surely just being with you/each other at home is enough. I'm sure you just mean swimming and football, all very well in themselves and holistic but better to wait till weekend perhaps, or just go to the park with them then.

I think when you are very pysched up and doing stuff all the time, then alcohol can seem a only way to "relax". What I mean is, too much stimulation, means you are seeking a relaxant and nothing else will do the chemical trick like a drink.

I have been alcohol free for a long time (although admittedly just had a glass this eve with dh - but actually it is making me feel rubbish, woozy, tired and bloated and I know tonight my sleep will be all over the place)

I have a friend who works INCREDIBLY hard, and has two professional roles back to back (just in process of changing from one to other). She admitted she drank to destress from busy demanding day and show the demarkation between work and play. But actually both times I have seen her at parties she has moved from merry to blind drunk without even being aware, and thanked me for lovely party days later, seemingly unaware that she was slurring her words, talking nonsense, staggering. It is pitiful that she has confused relaxation with oblivion. And she is not aware that she has a problem or maybe she is, but it doesn;t stop her drinking after work as I described.

[triskellionoflegs]

I agree with others who've said that it may well be that its a comforting habit, and your reward, rather than that you are actually addicted to the alcohol content. So hopefully substituting something else that you enjoy should take the edge off (and alcohol is quite calorific, so maybe a little chocolate wouldn't be out of the question ;-)).

[RichardBucket]

I think you're right to be worried as it shouldn't be difficult to not drink every day, but you have solid plans to make a change. Tapestry sounds fun!

[NoJimmyProtested]

Definitely go down the replacement route.
I quit drinking in 2015 and smoking in 2016. I now have a major coffee habit! It made it a lot easier though. How about herbal tea, or a soft drink? (Also not that great for you, but still). I would recommend replacing it with an actual drink, as it'll be the oral comfort that you'll crave and just doing tapestry or something instead probably wont cut it at first. Good luck!

[DramaAlpaca]

LittleRobinRed have you seen the Dry January thread? There's lots of us on there giving it a go & in previous years it's been such a supportive bunch.

We're over here if you'd like to join us.

[MouseholeCat]

I grew up with parents who used alcohol in this way and am really conscious of avoiding that pattern- they are in their 50's and it's definitely starting to affect their health.

I really enjoy a Lapsang to calm me down, or if I'm really finding it hard to unwind I go on Youtube and find a 30 minute calming yoga or meditation video to follow- both seem to give me the sort of release feeling that wine does. DH likes to play solitaire!

[LittleRobinRed]

Dh starts work early, I do mornings with children, then he finishes for school time, and I stay a bit later. I then pick up emails in the eve as I don't get the full day as I start at 9.45 and finish by 4.30/ 5 to be home for after school stuff. It's great we both have very flexible roles, I've never missed a school thing, play, assembly etc but I do have to make that up elsewhere which makes life busy!!

[Bluetrews25]

Can you make your days / evenings any less hectic?
DCs don't have to do clubs every night in order to grow up happy. It might be good for all of you to have some down time in the evenings, and they can learn to deal with being not-occupied or heaven forbid a bit bored! (A useful life skill - but this could be a whole other thread!)
If you are worried about your alcohol intake, then listen to yourself and find another coping strategy.