Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

If your sibling has no DC do they get more presents from your parents than if they did

55 replies

moredealsplease · 22/12/2016 11:03

Not sure how I feel about this really. I have 2 DC who my parents of course buy Christmas presents for. To sort of compensate for this my childless DSis gets that sort of value of pressies extra. Feel slightly put out but I know it is petty and IA probably BU!

OP posts:

Flixy102 · 22/12/2016 11:32

My MIL did this too...basically DH and his sister had kids, so they got a small token present at Christmas and the grandkids got the larger amount spent on them. My BIL didn't have any children so he got the same amount spent on him as the grandkids did. Now this year BIL is a dad himself so he will get a small token gift and his DS will get the larger amount spent on him.

Hope I've explained that clearly!

Strongmummy · 22/12/2016 11:32

I think this might be possibly more than just about xmas presents. If not then I think you need to chill out a bit!!

CotswoldStrife · 22/12/2016 11:34

We always got the same from our parents and I was childfree for years.

However, my siblings go a bit mad buying for my DD apparently because I bought for their children (they have two, I have one) for years. It's not a give to get for me and the thought never crossed my mind, I was amazed when they mentioned it!

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 22/12/2016 11:39

I don't find it normal. My mother does by more for my brother than she does me but he has quite severe learning difficulties and is to all intents and purposes a child still.
As for the other side my MIL spends the same for all the children, even though there one on our side and two nieces from BIL.
I would never think my DS should get double as we have one child and they have two.
The adults have always got the same no matter if they have kids or not.

monsterbookofty · 22/12/2016 11:39

My sil and bils do get a bit more for Christmas and a lit more than dh for birthdays. It has never really bothered us for Christmas but the birthday thing is unfair. He gets asked what he wants and a limit of £20-30 knowing his older db for example got a football shirt plus whiskey plus little extras. Its weird. His dsis got a £150 necklace for her 30th and dh got a £19 bottle of jack daniels.

Crisscrosscranky · 22/12/2016 11:44

My DB is 20 and my parents spend about £150 on him each year I guess (I don't know- we don't keep count). My DH and I get 'token' gifts about £20 (things we want but not extravagant). I wouldnt expect any different to be honest but perhaps that's because of the significant age difference between us; when I was a teenager I got more expensive gifts than a 4 year old so it's all relative.

CashelGirl · 22/12/2016 11:46

Sometimes I get a bit more than my brother, sometimes he gets more than me. Depends who needs what at the time. Stopped comparing years ago.

NapQueen · 22/12/2016 11:50

I spend more on my siblings who have no dc/partner than the ones with a partner and or kids. My reasoning is that if I buy SIL and her dh and their kids gifts worth 25 quid each (or up to) then why shouldn't I spend similar on the other one who doesn't have a partner who buys her gifts or dc who would buy her a little something.

I'm not saying I spend the exact same total but I may find a few nice little bits for other sil which add up to maybe 50 quid.

Bluebolt · 22/12/2016 11:54

i always spend less on adults the more I spend on their children, so I am not sure why the would change once I became a grand parent especially if I had a single adult child whose only main presents came from me. My brother always had more off my parents even when I was childless as he needed it more treating people equally does not mean spending the same. I do not know the individual totals of my three children's Christmas gifts, I have probably spent more on DS1 but DD2 had a more expensive birthday gift.

dingdongthewitchishere · 22/12/2016 11:57

That sounds perfectly fair, but not mandatory. You spend the same per child, why should you spend more on one with kids than the other without kid?

People don't necessarily have an unlimited budget, so they are trying their best to keep it fair.

I completely agree with your parents.

TeachingPostQuery · 22/12/2016 11:58

I think it's weird! We have no DC and BIL has 3, PILs spend about the same on DH and BIL (probably more on BIL as he usually has a list of things he wants for hobbies whereas DH is impossible to buy for). If we only had one DC I wouldn't expect them to get three times what the DNs get. Children are all broadly equal to each other regardless of circumstance, and same with grandchildren. Treats people as individual rather than "belonging" to someone.

DJBaggySmalls · 22/12/2016 12:00

YANBU. Its dysfunctional not to treat your kids fairly, or to tiptoe around another family member, or to treat an adult like a child.

but theres probably nothing you can do about it, so try to rise above it.

ChristmasTreeKisses · 22/12/2016 12:06

I think it's not in the spirit of Christmas to add up the cost of other people's presents. No idea what my sister is getting, no idea what it will cost, but the giver chooses the gifts and I focus on choosing presents my family will love (regardless of cost) and appreciating any presents I receive (regardless of cost).

It sounds like there is still some sibling rivalry on your part.

dingdongthewitchishere · 22/12/2016 12:09

Its dysfunctional not to treat your kids fairly

I don't understand how the kids are treated unfairly here?

ofudginghell · 22/12/2016 12:15

More deals please I have a similar situation but it's an every day occurance not just xmas

And I'm the youngest. I stay well out of it now and agreed a pact not to speak with my mum about my sis or vice Versa as it causes arguments

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 22/12/2016 12:20

I think this is normal. My mum spends less on us now we all have children, i'd rather it that way!

BurnTheBlackSuit · 22/12/2016 12:24

I think it's weird. You're not buying the gift for the family. You are buying it for the person, be they adult or child.

dingdongthewitchishere · 22/12/2016 12:25

I wouldn't translate it as spending less. If I have a budget of £400, and 4 kids, I would spend £100 (roughly) on each child. If one of them has 2 children, then they would still get the same amount (give or take, it's not an exact science), so £100 divided by 2 adults and 2 children. That's the fairest way if you have to stick to some kind of budget.

BewtySkoolDropowt · 22/12/2016 12:26

Hmm. I guess there is no one right way.

In thinking possibly :

Sister buys for
Op
Ops dh
Parents
Children

Sister gets gifts from
Parents
Op and dh combined

Now this is clearly guesswork, but I can see why it's nice to give her a little more if the situation is a bit like this.

Wouldn't bother me anyway, but I'm not materialistic and I'm happy with no gifts at all.

Idontbelievethelies · 22/12/2016 12:26

I have absolutely no idea how much my parents spent on my sisters, their grandchildren or great grandchildren, and not do I care.

Why does it bother you op? It surely can't be just about that because that makes you sound very grabby.

unless you are talking about something like your sister got a new car and you got a set of dusters then surely its none of your business?

Your parents might think it's fair to spend more on her because she has no kids? Why don't you ask them? And see how it sounds?!

gincamelbak · 22/12/2016 12:29

Yes. They also help DSis out a lot (time and money), we occasionally get help with babysitting but no financial help. I think it's a weird guilt thing, because DSis is single with no children my parents feel like they need to spend more time with her than us and buy things frequently for her because she is on her own.

NathanBarleyrocks · 22/12/2016 12:31

I just look at is as a budget thing - say your parents have £50 to spend on you and your sister. When one sister has a child, the budget remains the same - so say £30 for the daughter with a child and £20 for the grandchild.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 22/12/2016 12:33

Surely that's what most families do? My sister insists on only buying for the children so she doesn't get any presents from parents but the other siblings get a similar amount of what is spent on the children spent on them.

minipie · 22/12/2016 12:40

I think it's weird. You're not buying the gift for the family. You are buying it for the person, be they adult or child.

Agree with this.

If the OP had 2 children and her sister had 1 child, should the grandparents spend £10 on each of the OP's two DC but £20 on the DSis's one DC, so that it was even "per family"?

Surely not.

RhiWrites · 22/12/2016 12:44

OP, a question...

Does your sister buy presents for your children every year? (Birthday and Christmas.)
Do they ever make anything for her or present a gift bought by you but with their names on?

Flip

1 2 3