Dog owners, am I being mean?

[IHeartKingThistle]

My parents have 2 dogs, quite recently acquired and much adored. They are besotted with them and the dogs make them really happy, which is great obviously. One is very placid, one is less so and barks, steals food etc. I've never had dogs and I struggle to understand them and I'm a bit nervous if I'm honest. DS has always been nervous of dogs but is much better now.

I'm hosting all my side of the family for NY- no one's local so everybody comes to stay

The complicating factor is the cat - we have an ancient cat who is very easily stressed. When stressed she poos and wees everywhere, wails all night and pulls her fur out. Because of this I have said no dogs in the house.

DM is now talking about only coming up for the meal on NYD because of this. She's not being difficult with me but I would be gutted if they didn't come to stay as usual because they put the dogs first. If I'm completely honest, I wouldn't be wild about the dogs coming if we didn't have the cat, but I would consider it. The cat is the deal breaker for me.

I know I don't understand what it's like to have a dog. Am I being mean to expect them to find arrangements for the dogs for 2 days? I don't want to make them unhappy but it'll just be a nightmare if the dogs come.

[Laiste]

OP the bit you said about your parents previously hating dogs rings a bell for me.

My DM hated cats and we had dogs. The whole time i was growing up she would actively encourage our dogs to hate and go for cats too. (whole other thread i suspect) When i left home i got cats and she was quite disgusted. (Apart from anything else it meant she couldn't bring their snappy terrier to ours.)

Now in her 70s she's got a cat and plans her life around it. Leaves me a bit listening to how amazingly loving and funny puss is.

I echo the posters who say leave your parents to make their own decisions about their life and what ties them where. You can still visit them, there'll be no difference there. Sometimes your parents don't plan their lives around seeing their grand kids. Not being unkind. Mine were the same.

[madein1995]

If were going out in the car we take dog with us (warm xos of heater) and then take her where we go eg beach etc. If we leave her home its for 3 ish hours, house is warm, plenty of water, lots of toys etc so sbes happy. Ok to be left for short periods, not long days

[Nanny0gg]

No Annie, you can't. Lots of people seem to think cats can just be ignored... Which is good for me as I can steak their cat.

They're not ignored. My friend has always looked after my cats and I hers. We both spend a bit of time with them and they all survived.

[orangebird69]

Even if there were spaces available in a kennels for nye, some dogs don't do well in kennels. I certainly wouldn't put a rescue dog in a kennel. It may only be a couple of days but that can be really damaging to a rescue dog and take months to reverse. You DM is being sensible. Stop whinging.

[SoupDragon]

Can I just sat you can't just have someone pop in to feed a cat like some posters seem to think. Hopefully they're not cat owners because I'd be worried for their pets

Of course you can. How ridiculous.

But if you're the sort of person who steals (or steaks or stakes) cats that probably explains it.

[HunterHearstHelmsley]

Steal not steak.

[HunterHearstHelmsley]

No Annie, you can't. Lots of people seem to think cats can just be ignored... Which is good for me as I can steak their cat.

[PossumInAPearTree]

costa. I'm hoping one of my friends in the village will either have her for the day or at least can pop in and let her out and then we can leave her at home. Otherwise if we go we will only stay for 2-3 hours because of her being in the car and I will keep popping out to see her. She has a thick fur coat and also a fleece jacket.

[SoupDragon]

When I went away this summer, I sent SoupDogg to home stay dog care. The franchise I used was barkingmad.co.uk and they were fabulous. SoupDogg is very much a people dog and would not do well in kennels but he came backfromhis holiday happy and relaxed (well, actually he was hyper as he is a spaniel but that was normal for him!)

Would this be worth looking in to? Difficult for NY at this short notice but something worth considering for the future. Also, borrowmydoggy might find someone who'll look after them.

No one is being unreasonable in your scenario really. They are still coming onNY Day, they aren't ducking it entirely.

[Costacoffeeplease]

Possum I'm afraid I wouldn't be putting up with that, if your husband hasn't arranged it in time for you to get a dog sitter, then tough, it doesn't happen. Not fair on the dog to stay in a cold car on its own at this time of year. Let him go, and you stay home with the dog

[Nonagoninfinity]

YANBU. Sorry if this has been suggested before, I haven't read the full thread. We were in a similar position with our young dog who we've had for 2 months now. She was specifically invited to both parents' homes for xmas day and Boxing Day BUT she's very bouncy and there will be younger kids there, so we thought the whole thing would be way too stressful!

I put out a message on my local Facebook page and found a fabulous home dog boarder who has only started her business this year. She had a space over Christmas, came highly recommended (is fully insured etc). Our dog has had a couple of stays with her already and has settled in beautifully so we know she'll be happy. I realise we probably got VERY lucky finding a space at such short notice but it has all worked out really well for us. It's not as cheap as kennels but, depending on their budget, MAY be an option? We are paying £30 for xmas day and night and £20 for Boxing Day and night.

[Autumnsweater]

I don't think you're being unreasonable because of the cat.

I have both cats and dogs but MIL's dog is not allowed in our house because she chases our cats. However many kennels are probably already fully booked over new year and would be difficult to find someone to mind them so they may have to just come for the meal.

[PossumInAPearTree]

My sil bought horses a few years ago. She hasn't been to see us (and therefore neither has mil) since she got them as they can't leave the horses for a day. We're about a two hour drive......so I guess too far to sort horses, drive to us, spend the day, drive back, sort horses again.

Guess I didn't sign up for it always been us who has to drive over. But I do understand it's easier for us than them.

Oh and my dog isn't allowed in their house either due to a cat which does make it difficult. I'm panicking already as dh hasn't sorted out yet which day we're going over xmas. Chances of me finding a dog sitter for the day at short notice for a day between xmas and ny I'm guessing are zero. So dog will have to come and stay in the car and I will spend the day worrying about how cold she is.

[MudCity]

OP, as a dog owner I can say that the dogs do come first. They are totally dependent. They cannot be left alone for long stretches of time. And I can fully understand why she would not want them in kennels.

Your mum is being a responsible and loving dog owner. If you do not want the dogs to visit (your decision) then she has to work around them. They are an important part of her family and by coming for the meal she is trying to accommodate both you and her dogs.

[AnnieAnoniMouse]

Can I just sat you can't just have someone pop in to feed a cat like some posters seem to think. Hopefully they're not cat owners because I'd be worried for their pets

Of course you can. What the Jeff are you on about. We're talking a couple of days here, not 6 months.

[AnnieAnoniMouse]

YANBU in saying the dogs can't come. It's your elderly cats home & that's that.

I think if you aren't a 'dog person' it probably is difficult to see why they can't just put them in a kennels. I hated putting the cats in a cattery or the dog in the kennels. Even though none of them ever had terrible things happen (that we know about obviously) or displayed bad behaviour when they came home (beyond the usual cat behaviour of ignoring you until they were ready to forgive us 😬), I hated it and whenever possible had someone come and house sit. I was fortunate then to employ staff in my business who lived at home & were only too happy to have a house to themselves in return for feeding & fussing the pets they already adored 😁 These days if we got a dog one of the first things I'd do is look for a lovely 'home from home' boarding situation. All the family/friends I know who have this set up, the dogs are happy to go and be spoiled there! Worth every penny for their happiness and your freedom.

I can see why you are upset, with all the notice they have had, that your parents haven't sorted out something like this or a friend who could have them.

If I were you, I'd be making sure that they understand that your cat is not the only issue, that even when your cat is no longer there (💐) that YOU don't want them bringing the dogs, so finding a good sitter is an investment worth making!

[NotYoda]

I'd choose my cat over a NY party but sadly it's not socially acceptable

[EscapeFromHubby]

Whilst it is entirely your choice whether to allow dogs in your house i feel it is also a bit unreasonable to expect arrangements to be made for them for 2 days. Even if it was an option kennels get booked up well in advance for the Christmas/New Year period so the spaces that are available would probably be at the not so good kernels that others tend not to use as a first choice.

I'm also assuming that as the dogs are recently acquired they are rescue dogs? If so putting them in kennels could cause all sorts of issues with their behaviour as they could possibly feel they've been abandoned again.

On the other hand maybe DM should have considered this before getting the dogs and discussed possible NY arrangements with you first.

[Floralnomad]

You are both making the best of the situation , you need to make the welfare of your pet your priority and your parents are doing the same , it's not like they are refusing to come at all ,it sounds like the sensible solution for them to just come for the meal .

[HunterHearstHelmsley]

Can I just sat you can't just have someone pop in to feed a cat like some posters seem to think. Hopefully they're not cat owners because I'd be worried for their pets.

Neither of you are BU. Just have her over for lunch. A relative of mine is no longer invited after being told not to bring the dog and bringing her anyway. My poor cat was terrified and she's more important than a visiting dog.

[Ditsy4]

Couldn't they stay in a B&B nearby? Then the grandchildren could go out for a long walk and cafe/ pub lunch or afternoon tea somewhere on one of the days. Compromise. I don't think you should upset the cat though so I'm on your side for that reason.

[Itisnotwhatyouknow]

You have no choice but to say no to the dogs because of your cat.

They have no choice but to only come for the day because of their dogs.

Everyone's hands are tied.

It is one of those 'it is what it is' moments.

[Pluto30]

Yep, would never put my dogs in a kennel either. We find pet friendly accommodation and they come with us, or someone stays home with them.

[madein1995]

And a kennel isnt an option for many. We tried it once with previous dog. He came back having lost weight, bed had been pissed soaking and no one bothered to wash it so poor bugger had been sleeping on the bed, a sore throat and very jumpy. Id rather go without luxuries thsn put a member of my family through that, which is wjat dogs are

[Crazycatlady123]

YANBU. Your house your rules, their dog their responsibility. It's not fair on your cat, it's their home.