To think couples treat single women suspiciously? (lighthearted, I suppose)

[Evelight]

I am a feminist. A significant part of my work is thinking and talking about gender issues.

I am also recently single. And I have noticed a subtle but significant sea-change in the attitude of married couples around me. Not good / close friends- I am thinking more of the parents of my children friends. Couples whom I've known for a very long time, but are acquaintances, not friends. Nothing overt, nothing disrespectful. It's almost as if the body language and eye contact changes. The men (dads) are friendlier (ha your car door is squeaking do you want me to oil that (??)), and the women (moms) are noticeably not. I am prepared to accept I am being paranoid and self-conscious about my newly single state, and I mentioned it to my sister, who is single and has been for a long time. She said something along the lines of welcome to singledom, where every woman thinks you are out to snatch her husband, and so does every husband. Really? Do people really think that? Ughgh

FWIW, these interactions are taking place school/playdates/kids' birthday parties drop off and pick up, where I am definitely not looking my best and not in the mood for flirtatious banter.

However, if true, then maybe I should put some effort into it! never thought of 8:50am school drop off as a mating hunting ground, but apparently it is!! (joking, joking)

[lizzieoak]

Yes, definitely. As if I don't feel enough of a freak for still being single after 11 years. Women get frosty & men get scared. I'll be having an innocent chat w a man when suddenly they get this terrified look, make excuses, & bugger off.

There seems to be the idea that single older women are all rabid cougars, out for any pot-bellied balding man they can nab unawares.

[mushroomsontoast]

Nope, I'd say my good friends are the same as ever. What I have noticed though is I rarely get invited to 'couple' things anymore. Eg, I'll get invited to playdates, coffee, girls' night out etc... But any kind of 'coupley' dinner parties, barbecues etc, even if kids are going too, I seem to get forgotten.

[Muddlewitch]

Agree this is a thing. Not amongst my close friends (although being single and other things taught me who they were!) But amongst some acquaintances, colleagues etc it is noticeable. Also the constant assumption that I must be sleeping with someone, often linked to anything I achieve, cos I can't just have done something well, there must be a man involved

[ToastieRoastie]

I haven't noticed this either - friends and acquaintances are all the same. The men aren't coming on to me and the women aren't avoiding me - maybe I give off vibes that I'm not interested / not a threat.

Like mushrooms I have noticed invitations to 'couples events' - dinner parties, barbecues, meals out etc - have dried up. I do still get invited to girls nights out etc. I think people in couples just don't think of it. They refer to having dinner with 'the Smiths' - I am only one Smith so maybe that's why!

[Ldnmum2015]

Its sad, I felt it when my child was younger, you stop getting invited and gradually friendships just drift off, the worst place I felt it though was when applying for jobs and at interviews and in the work place before I lost my job, you are again ignored and non invited to things, but that for me was more down to childcare, I once got put in my place by a colleague for bringing my child to an Xmas party, I felt even more isolated after that as it was actually the only Xmas party I had been invited to and it finished before 8pm. I also get snidy comments from some mums because I can afford school trips, i cant but they never understood being the soul carer 24-7 365 days a year, you'd pay anything to get a break for a couple of days. Does get easier an told, but yo be truthful I'd rather be on my own now.

[RaymondinaReddington]

Lol. Glad it's not just me.

I had to fight hard to get rid of my own exh. Some of them don't even seem to like their husbands that much. Why would they think I would be interested? I'd have more respect for their territorial tendencies if it was because they were deeply and passionately in love. Mostly they seem to despise their husbands but ask threatened that they might want to escape. No thanks!

[Muddlewitch]

Raymond I agree, it took long enough to get rid of mine I certainly don't want anyone else's

It's that weird thing, like the thread about the Peter Kay strictly 'joke' implying that gay men are after all men, that single woman must be after any man that comes within a mile. It puzzles me.

[BoyFromTheBigBadCity]

That attitude is certainly on mumsnet, in places. Tbh, it makes me wonder what these women were like when they were single.

[ElizabethG81]

Exactly BoyFromTheBigBadCity, it definitely says more than them than about the single woman. I find it usually comes from people who can't bear not to be in a relationship and can't understand why anyone else would actually LIKE being single. To them, single = on the hunt for a man.

[RoseGoldHippie]

Yes it's true! All single women are out to steal my DP! How dare you think it is acceptable to not stay with your partner who, for whatever reason, was not the right man for you! You should be ashamed!

OR Think of it this way - if these women are so worried about you stealing their other halfs, they obviously have some trust issues! Stick with your real friends! Single ladies (and men) are welcome in our home anytime!

[maisiejones]

Oh yes! Walk into a room full of couples and you can almost see the wives attaching themselves firmly to their respective husbands. The joke of it is, most of the men aren't exactly a prize. I wouldn't have them if they were served up to me on a silver platter with an apple stuffed in their mouths.

[EBearhug]

most of the men aren't exactly a prize. I wouldn't have them if they were served up to me on a silver platter with an apple stuffed in their mouths.

Won't stop them trying it on, if there's a chance when their wife's not there. Women are not the problem, because they treat you like a person, rather than a target.

[HeyOverHere]

I don't get treated differently for the most part, but at one point, as soon as they found out I was bisexual, all of the sudden certain couples (well, the male parts) just assumed I'd love to have a threesome with them.

[MakeItStopNeville]

I have a single friend who believes this and it always makes me laugh as she is completely incapable of not flirting with a guy. She even flirts with DH. He just laughs nervously.

On the basis of my grand survey of, errr, one, I would say some single women are seen as a threat by their married counterparts but they probably brought that on themselves.

[TheNaze73]

I think Elizabeth is right.

The woman who are like this are the ones who cannot be alone.

You read so many posts on here about DH working with a single woman & automatically it's assumed that they're both trying to have a go on each other.

[OhhBetty]

HeyOverHere I'm bisexual too and agree about the threesome thing! It's like they don't understand what bisexual means!!

[singleandfabulous]

Yep! It's true. I lost ALL my friends when i split ftom my long term partner 15 years ago. They all sided with him (even though general consensus was that he was a twunt) and rushed to their husband's side whenever i made an appearance.

Same thing happened again a few years ago. Dinners/lunches/meet ups cancelled. You are suddenly persona none grata.

The meaker men run and hide from you too.

You are a threat to couples in their eyes as you are free and available (and they assume in desperate need of a man) shag