To ask if you think this person sounds like an alcoholic?

[ConcernedNiece]

She gets drunk every night and has done for years. She never drinks during the day and has always managed to hold down a job but every evening/night she drinks and will always without fail end up drunk.

There have been a couple of times where she has ended up falling when drunk and needed to receive hospital treatment for injuries resulting from these falls. She also has high blood pressure and despite only being in her early 50's she had a heart attack last year.

Whilst she was in hospital after her heart attack she was told to cut down on alcohol and she promised to only drink once or twice a week. However she didn't keep her promise and continues to get drunk every night.

Does she sound like an alcoholic or just a binge/heavy drinker?

[PacificDogwod]

Don't use the phrase 'alcoholic' - it's too restrictive.

The person you re describing clearly has a problem with alcohol or could be described as a problem drinker.
But it is their problem.

You did not cause it.
You cannot solve it.
You cannot control it.

If this person is close to you and if her drinking behaviour is affecting you, consider contacting Al-Anon, a sister organisation to the AA supporting family and friends affected by other people's drinking behaviour.

[user1478726617]

Yes, she has a drink problem but it is her choice to drink. Only she has to recognise there is an issue with her habit before she can do anything about it.
Recovery programmes for addicts are very thin on the ground due to cut backs.
A few pamphlets through the letterbox? My DF used AA and they are very good and not judgemental.

[MaryMargaret]

You are right she has a big problem and is damaging her health severely. Your responsibility is to others who maybe harmed by her behaviour - children as a pp said - and does she ever drive while drunk?

If yes to either and others can see she potentially has some sort of problem, you might be able to come together to address problems you can agree on - and don't worry about the definition, its a distraction. I suspect though if they are minimising, perhaps there is a bit of a boozy culture in your family and she's not the only one to be regularly overdoing it and endangering their health?

Perhaps you could attend an Al-Anon meeting to get some insight, support and guidance into what your responsibilities are, and aren't, here.

[user1470997562]

It's her choice if she's managing. There'll probably come a time though when she doesn't. That's maybe when you offer help, if you do care about her. Pretty much nothing you can do in the meantime I'd say.

[JenBehavingBadly]

Functioning alcoholic.

Its very sad.

[TamyQlass]

Sorry OP but I'd say definitely alcoholic, sounds like a similar pattern of drinking as my mother. The confirming aspect being ending up drunk. It took her 10 years and two drink driving offences before she would admit this to herself and got herself to AA.
Really feel for you OP, so little you can do until she admits it to herself. Just be there for her when she does.

[ElizabethHoney]

Functioning alcoholic.

The real test is this: can she stop after one drink? If, once she starts on alcohol for the day or evening, she actually can't stop at one and has to continue until something else stops her (e.g. passing out), she's an alcoholic.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

She is abusing alcohol/ has an alcohol dependency and is a problem drinker, yes. I dislike the term 'alcoholic' which tends to conjure up one particular type of person when in fact it comes in many different shapes and sizes. Most people with a drink problem are not your typical stumble around drunk, can't function without a shot of vodka first thing in the morning, lost their job/ partner/ house due to drink type person. I know a fair few people who have a dependency in cerrain situations and therefore abuse alcohol.

[madein1995]

Hi OP, I'd say she is a problem drinker yes but I hate the label 'alcoholic', it makes it out as though there's two camps - those who drink moderately, and alcoholics - and that isn't the case. Some people aren't alcoholics but are problem drinkers at times if they turn to alcohol to try and deal with their problems - but provided they don't use alcohol at those times, are able to drink safely. It's confusing, but there's lots of different categories to describe how different people are with alcohol, and although you may consider your aunt to be an alcoholic and need help, even hearing that word will make her deny deny deny because no one wants to hear that.

That said, it is her responsibility to stop drinking if she wants to, and you or anyone else can't make her. If you go in heavy, demand she stops drinking, tell her what her problem is etc, all you are likely to do is make her be even less likely to confide in you. That doesn't mean you condone her behaviour - don't speak to her when she's pissed, don't shield her from the natural consequences (eg hospital/falling out with family and friends), and if she says something to you or causes offence then yes bring her up on it - but be there for her. If you really want to, maybe have a chat with her about it but if I'm being honest the only thing that'll make a difference is her. All you can do is take a step back, not keep on at her about about the drinking while not shielding her from the actions either (Don't give her money whatever you do). I know you mean well OP, but remember what you consider reasonable she probably won't so any thing you say about her drinking, however gentle you are being, she won't see it that way.

Hope you're ok

[BratFarrarsPony]

problem drinker = alcoholic

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Definitely a functional alcoholic. :(

[carabos]

My father was an alcoholic who died of cirrhosis of the liver. I was estranged from him and from his side of the family because I described him as an alcoholic. Apparently alcoholics are homeless people who hang about in parks with cans of Special Brew, not professional men with nice homes and good jobs.

[NoahVale]

but she is your aunt. In what way does it affect you op? aside from being concerned about her.
bandying about the alcoholic phrase isnt going to win her over.
is she married? does she have children/a husband?

[sparklewater]

She might not drink during the day, but I bet she thinks about it from the moment she wakes up :(

[NoahVale]

does it matter if it has a name op

[Statelychangers]

I agree the term alcoholic is unhelpful. My dad has problems with alcohol, sometimes big, sometimes manageable - and the term alcoholic is just bandied around just felt like an insult to be reacted against - ask someone about their drinking habits and the impact they are having and you get a more useful, honest, less judgemental dialogue. I suspect she has been told to improve her diet and exercise too, does she smoke? - can she manage to improve these things?

[blueskyinmarch]

She sounds like an ex colleague of mine. She comes across as outgoing and confident. Holds down a stressful job. She has also had some personal issues which she glosses over by using her big personality. But she drinks too much, had a heart attack and has high blood pressure. I think it is her way of trying to cope with things in her life that she can't really face up to. Perhaps it is the same for your aunt?

[Matchingbluesocks]

The real test is this: can she stop after one drink? If, once she starts on alcohol for the day or evening, she actually can't stop at one and has to continue until something else stops her (e.g. passing out), she's an alcoholic.

With all due respect that's no kind of test. Diagnosing alcohol addiction isn't something which can be done
On the Internet from someone who isn't even the patient, but as I and others have said, it barely matters anyway particularly given the OPs tenuous link to the situation

[Str4ngedaysindeed]

This was me for many years. Drunk to blackouts most nights but still (just) managing to hold onto to good jobs. I finally accepted it three years ago and made myself stop - haven't touched a drop since. Unless your aunt can see it though, no one can help her. It is terribly painful way to live.

[AliceThrewTheFookingGlass]

hi op my mum is exactly the same. Nobody else seems to realise that she has a massive problem because like your aunt she doesn't drink during the day and is capable of holding down a job.

I've not lived with her for many years now but when I did it was standard for her to start drinking at 4pm whilst cooking dinner. She used to start off on wine and then swap to vodka in the evening whilst she watched the soaps. Her 'portion sizes' were ridiculous. I didn't realise until years later when I worked in a nightclub (so had to measure drinks properly) that what she was pouring was the equivalent to about 8 shots of vodka and just a small splash of coke. She would have glass after glass of these.

She was told a few years ago that she has liver damage and must stop drinking. Instead of stopping she just swapped her vodka for more wine because, and this is a direct quote "wine doesn't damage your liver because it's not a spirit like vodka is"

She's on Facebook now and I'm not exaggerating that every single post or share is related to alcohol in someway. She owns a little business and she genuinely put a sign on the door saying 'we will no longer be open on Saturday mornings due to Friday night drinking commitments'

I don't understand why nobody else can see that she has a problem. It's so blindingly obvious. Although to be fair I think people probably can see it, they just simply don't care. TBH I don't really care myself now. She's an abusive arsehole (to me specifically) when she's had a drink and it made my childhood hell. I tried to commit suicide when I was just 12yo because of how she would treat me and the awful things she used to say.

If there's one thing I've learnt about addiction it's that they have to want to stop. If they don't then anything you say will fall on deaf ears.

[ItShouldHaveBeenJess]

I think pacific makes a good point about semantics. The word 'alcoholic' has so many negative connotations that many people with a alcohol addiction shy away from the term. I'm a recovering alcoholic. I was sober for four years, relapsed this year and am now sober again. I hated describing myself as a 'recovering alcoholic' - my reasoning was that if I had been using heroin, for example, and got clean, I wouldn't describe myself as a heroin addict four years on.

Even the word 'sober' has negative connotations with seriousness and boring. However, life becomes much more interesting when you break the cycle of drinking every night. Doors begin to open. She may be shocked into action if you are the only person close to her who uses the A-word, but there's still a long way to go between admitting it's an issue and actually wanting to stop.

And Alice, I'm so sorry you had to go through that - but I'm glad you shared it because it reinforces my drive to ensure DS doesn't grow up with an alcoholic mother, so thank you.

[Statelychangers]

My mum also had a massive drink problem - the problem was that alcohol allowed my mother's ugliest emotions to escape - much repressed anger, bitterness and paranoia.

She stopped drinking and things have improved but I still get ugly glimpses of the anger, bitterness and paranoia - it's still there but she can hide it easier now she is not drinking.

She's one fucked up person whether she is drinking or not!