To restrict my teenager's internet use at night?

[Blossom777]

My 15 year old DS is constantly on his computer and/or ipad, from the time he gets home from school until going to bed. He does stop every now and then to do homework/revision etc so I'm not worried about that aspect. At the moment I have parental controls set to turn the internet off at 11pm weeknights and 12 Fri/sat nights. He's not happy with this as until recently had no restriction on time, as I naively thought he was going to sleep when the lights were out. Yesterday we had a big argument with him wanting a 1am curfew weeknights and unrestricted at other times. The compromise I made was midnight and 2am but neither of us are happy with this and he wants to continue negotiating today, saying none of his friends have any time limit.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

I don't think you use a physical timer, I think you do it via settings with a password?

[TiredBefuddledRose]

I manage timings through the broadband hub, Google how to to do it for your provider, you can restrict some devices but not others.

OP you're very lenient compared to me, I have a 14 year old and the hub blocks her phone and tablet at 9pm everynight.
You shouldn't feel you can't stand up to your son because of his size or previous anger issues, that's teaching him a bad lesson all by itself.
Your house, your rules.

[228agreenend]

I have a 16 year old and 14 year old, and consider your curfews way too late. In our house, the computer goes off between 9-10pm. During school time, i tend to be stricter, but let them self-regulate during holidays. However, midnight and 2am is much too late. My teens wouldn't cope with repeated bedtimes at that time, and would be grumpy, uncommunicative the next day.

[Thefishewife]

We have a timer it's fab oh puts in the timings and it switches it self officer the time runs out also dh has put a password on the router so ds gets not internet on his phone when in the house

[Thefishewife]

2sm is way to late tbh I personally think he may benfit for you physically having his phone just before he goes to bed this is a critical year


Took my ds and could belive at 4 am it's was still pinging and I belive he would of woken to answer it

It can't be much fun for his teachers

[theonlygeorgie]

YANBU, definitely not, but I think that the times you have set are far too late. As PPs have said, screen usage before bed negatively impacts quality of sleep. Not only that, but going to bed at that time for a teenager his age is far too late in my opinion - especially if he has school the next day. The correlation between a good night's sleep and improved concentration and general well-being/happiness are well documented. Sorry, I know that wasn't the question.

Either way, stick to your guns. I know it's tough, but you are the Mum and he needs to learn to respect your wishes/rules.

[Happyhippy45]

I'm going against the grain here. My two kids are 19 (living at home) and 22 not living at home.
He has to learn that if he stays up all night online he'll feel shite the next day. You can't control everything. If he is keeping up with school work, completing all his responsibilities and not being a grumpy sod give him the access he's asking for. If he's not achieving these things then compromising with him is best. Makes him feel like he has some control. When he's 16 he could potentially leave home. Pick your battles.
They are growing up in a completely different era to us.

[voddiekeepsmesane]

Happy there is a big difference from 15 to 19/22. OP you parent how you see fit, fuck the " everyone else" does this and that shit that usually starts around 10yo! I say to DS (almost 13) is what other parents do is none of my or his business and what I say goes in this house. When he is off to university or working then he can do what he likes and suffer the consequences but until then I will parent him as I have always done

[Blossom777]

Told DS yesterday that we were going back to previous times, and he should think himself lucky he has till 11 as most people think this is too late. He didn't take it well, dismissed every argument/point I made and then shouted at me for the next half hour. This morning he told me he went to sleep about 1am as he'd found a way around it!

[jayisforjessica]

Shut it off. If he's going to be sneaky and defiant, he gets no internet. Don't turn it back on until you get an apology - a real apology - for the defiance and a promise - a real promise - to abide by your rules.

YOU pay the bill. YOU set the rules.

[stressedinsurrey]

My 15 year old has an internet curfew of 9pm every night and we remove his phone and PS3 controllers. He then can read or come and watch TVs with us until bedtime. I would never see him otherwise! Not good for teenagers to be on devices late, it affects their sleep.

[OliviaBenson]

I think you need to take his devices away then op. And don't give him any point/argument, just tell him that's what is happening and repeat. He sounds as though he has no respect for you.

[GirlOutNumbered]

As a teacher I can literally draw a line in the class .... poor performing students - long unrestricted game/phone/devices.
Top students - either no Xbox/ps and/or very controlled access from home.

[sykadelic]

Blossom it's highly unlikely he found a way around the internet part, but he's more likely that he simply plays without a connection... in which case I'd remove his power cord (or keyboard or mouse) or remove the computer from his room when it's bedtime.

THAT SAID, if he's a good kid in all other ways, it's not affecting him negatively... but it's very anti-social for you (my mother hated it)

[MissVictoria]

I didn't have internet til 15 1/2 and it didn't hurt me! Kids today are way too entitled.

[HummusForBreakfast]

Blossom I feel for you.
Dc1 is younger and yes we have some very strict rules about the Internet/phone/iPad usage.
But it has become a game of 'you will put xx in place to stop me, I will find YY route to go around it'
It's exhausting TBH.

The only thing that works is to take away said devices and keep them with us

I suspect you will have a loooong battle ahead of you.

[eyebrowsonfleek]

I have a 15 year old son. It's 9pm cut off on school nights and 10:30pm on Friday/Saturday nights here.

He doesn't have to sleep at those times. He stays up and does other stuff until he goes to bed (10:30 pm tops on a school night and after midnight on Fri/Sat night)

I think that you're way too lenient with your times. Isn't he tired?

[yorkshapudding]

Going by your latest update blossom DS has obviously gotten very used to getting his own way. He thinks he's the one in charge and he's trying to put you in your place by gloating about how he's found a way around your rules.

I would take his devices away. The fact that he thinks it's acceptable to shout at you for half an hour is bad enough in itself to warrant consequences.

[PurpleBurtle]

DS is 13 and technology has been an issue since he got his phone age 11, he is addicted. My rules are all gadgets off at 8pm and no phone in room at night it goes on charge in my room overnight and he doesn't have it until he is completely ready for school in the morning, so usually doesn't get it till he is walking out the door. I found he was playing games instead of getting ready. Apart from that he gets free access to it unless he has misbehaved, if I take it off him it's anger outbursts or he cannot find anything else to do and becomes very annoying and behaves like a toddler, its a nightmare. He won't behave to earn it back his behaviour just gets worse and worse, it will take a long time for it to improve enough to warrant giving it back.
Recently I have put a blanket ban on all gadgets as I'm fed up with him coming home and dumping all his stuff, not picking up after himself,not really doing anything I ask, not doing homework etc. It hasn't helped much as he still wont do these things or he will pick one thing up and beg for his phone back, doing my head in. We have other issues with his behaviour and are currently seeking professional help but the technology definitely fuels it
I think when he is 15 the rules will be similar as he just cannot restrict himself, Ive given him this opportunity before without success.
Ive tries explaining about balance and I don't mind him having it whenever he wants as long as other things are done but it just doesn't get through to him...its been a long standing frustration.
My 10yr old DD will sometimes play on my old tablet but when its time to come off she will and happily go off and do lots of other stuff. .no tears no tantrums, Im dreading her going to high school because she will then have a phone of her own and her attitude towards it might change,also and I'm more worried about the social media with her, my son is more addicted to the games really. There will always have to be rules and restrictions unfortunately.

[DarthLipgloss]

I used to switch mine off when me and DH went to bed each night when mine were 15.

[thiswashelpful]

My DH works in IT, and we've always had a setup where WiFi is disabled from 11PM on Fri and Sat, and from 10PM all other days.

Kids have always been used to that, but recently our 15Y DS does sometimes complain (but he can used his phone).

Actually those time limits do make sense IMHO, both for kids and parents. We need to disconnect too!

[peppercorns3]

Isn't it funny how they ALL tell us that they are the ONLY ones with restrictions!
All of my Dc's have to leave their devices on charge outside on the landing at bedtime.
Eldest dd is 15 and gets up at 6am. Therefore I insist she is in bed and therefore off social media by 10.30- apparently this is totally unreasonable- if fact bordering on abuse: embarrassing, stupid, unreasonable and pointless.
Oh well. What a bad mother I am. (or maybe I actually WANT her brain to be able to get the rest it needs to function and develop properly during its teenage years!)
When she shows the maturity to understand and make the right choices, she can start negotiating the rules.

[Happyhippy45]

voddie These rules applied when they were 15, maybe even younger. My 22 year old doesn't live at home.

[Deb98789]

My DS is fairly good. On a school night electronics are left downstairs at 10pm. On a Friday and sat night he can keep them in his room, but on a sat he's up for band (9-12) and if we're out as a family then he comes too. But as long as he keeps up with band and does homework and his jobs (strip & make his bed on a Sunday, and do the pots) I don't mind as he tends to switch it off about midnight anyway.

[blissfullyaware]

I read this and I hear the words 'you get what you settle for'

There sounds like no balance at all here. Perhaps the fact he expects such leniency without respect for any rules on your part is rather telling.
Or that he can abuse the authority with 'anger management ' issues so you feel compelled to avoid the issue and give in. You sound scared of him. It suggests the respect isn't there.

Being on a computer from getting home from school until 11 pm plus and demanding more is worrying. It's not normal. You need to stand up to him.