To have called the police about this?

[Robbabank]

We live in an 'edgy' (dodgy) inner city area but one that has plenty of families in flats etc. Called into local convenience store around the corner from our home for milk and essentials with my 2 daughters (7 & 9) on way home this evening at about 7pm. We had just been to a little event and the girls had had their faces painted with day of the dead patterns - they were all happy... On leaving the shop there were 4 or 5 young men standing just outside the doorway (about 18-21yrs - all wearing hoodies so hard to see their faces). They moved aside for us to get past and they were talking loudly amongst themselves but seemed to be occupied with their own conversation. Car was parked just outside the shop and I belted my girls in and closed the doors, then went to the boot to put in the shopping. When I came around and got in the front my 9yo daughter's face was turned to the side and she was crying. She said that one of the guys had opened her door and leaned in to her and said "Trick or treat!".
She was really upset, frightened and shocked and couldn't quite process that it had happened.

I can see that the idiot who did this would see it as just a harmless prank, but am I right in thinking it's an intimidating act towards a child? Or are there any repercussions for opening someone's car door without permission?
I know this group of lads to see. They stalk around our area, checking out cars and I've seen them hassle another young man and then minutes later rob a bike from a young lad a few months ago on the same stretch of main road.
I've not had any run-ins with them myself and I doubt they know me by sight as, unlike me, they don't really have to.
Anyway I called it in to the police and they're coming round early in the morning to take a statement.
In a way it is better that I didn't catch them in the act as I would definitely have shouted at them and asked wtf they thought they were doing (adrenalin!), but I realise I wouldn't really have known what to do after that and would have been leaving myself and my 2 children vulnerable to further harassment from them.
It's angers me too on gender lines as I'm pretty sure that it wouldn't have happened if it had been their father belting them into the car and it leaves me feeling very frustrated that women and girls are perceived as easy targets by these guys (well, one of them).
So, am I AIBU to call it in to the police? I've explained it wasn't personal and was just showing off, but what else can I do to reassure and empower my daughter(s)?

[FerretFred]

Why are so many people on MN so unnecessarily nasty?

All heros behind a keyboard....

[wowsertrousers]

Why are people being so unnecessarily unkind to the OP. Ok so calling the police might not have been the ideal approach, but im guessing it was probably the result of frustrating at a complete lack of any alternative responses to what must've been a pretty distressing incident. i mean, what CAN you do? I know it would've freaked the hell out of me if this had happened to my daughter and especially if it had happened with me remaining completely oblivious to it. Instead of getting all judgey questioning how on earth she didn't realise someone opened her car door, perhaps consider for a moment that that is possibly what is the most unsettling aspect of this for the OP.

[HateSummer]

It's too late to call the police, but why don't you call the shop and tell them to ask these yobs to move on if they linger outside often. Must be bad for business. Don't think you can do much more than to tell your daughters that there's some weird people in the world.

[WorraLiberty]

It does sound a bit strange that someone could open (and presumably close?) your car door, having spoken to your child without you noticing?

But anyway, what happened the first time when you reported them to the police, for robbing the bike?

Did it get to court and do they know you made a statement?

If so, perhaps that was their motive...like some sort of 'revenge' if you see what I mean?

[MistressMolecules]

OP, I agree you are getting a hard time here which is not deserved. I can understand it must have been upsetting for your daughter (and unnerving for yourself), some lout intimidating a child - real brave! I think in your shoes I would have logged the issue too - I wouldn't be happy some clown sticking his face in my daughters face - he wasn't trying to be friendly.

[Robbabank]

So to answer the last few comments:
I've not been on any other threads so I don't know about any other police posts and this is a genuine aibu because I genuinely want to know if it's unreasonable to call the cops. So far you're all in agreement that it is, and I can understand why. So thanks for responding on this.
I'm genuinely looking for perspective and that's why I've posted.
How did I not notice? Well it was staggering to me too that it could happen so quickly but I'll try to explain again: I was pulled up to the pavement outside the store. It's on a very busy main road (buses, artics, beeping traffic lights etc) so lots of noise and traffic and yet outside the shop is very dimly lit so at the time that it happened it was pretty dark. On one side (passenger) was the pavement and the shop entrance (a co-op) and on the other side (driver) it's the main road. It was dark (7.20pm to be exact!). The lads were standing a little bit up from, but basically just beside our car, ocupying most of the pavement between the shop entrance (quite narrow) and the car/roadside.
My daughters are well able to belt themselves in. Belting them in was my euphemism for quickly helping them into the car because the boys were standing right by them so I was chaperoning them into the car rather than leaving them to it like I might usually. Also they both had bags/cuddly toys/kid paraphernalia with them as well and school bags and guffage in the footwell of the car so there was a bit of clambering and arranging and, lastly, my 7yo has a terrible habit of leaving the car door open after she gets in so that's why I was 'belting them in'. (Phew! You lot are demanding tonight!)
I did this at the shop/passenger side and then went to the boot. It all took literally a matter of seconds. And it was dark, and the boot obscured my view so that is why I wasn't able to look down at what I was doing and simultaneously watch out around the back of the car towards the front just in case some random idiot pulled my car door open
And no, there's no additional back story or missing info here, can't you already tell by my long-winded posts?
Thanks to those giving genuine replies with advice and feedback on how to handle it. I completely agree with the points made that (a) we live in this kind of area, so put it down to experience and be even more vigilant in future, (b) be careful of drawing attention to ourselves from this group.
I agree a telling off is all that's likely to come of it and it's probably not worth the hassle and potential targeting so thanks for the practical advice.

[PoppyPicklesPenguin]

I would think the fact that the police are actually taking the time to visit the OP and take a statement would suggest they think it's worth investigating.

I was violently attacked by a group a fair few years back now but it still haunts me, my life has never been the same. The group responsible had been well known by the police in that particular area (I wasn't from that area just someone who was in the wrong place at the very wrong time early evening) it's only because people took the time to report things like the OP describes about this group that when they did what they did to me that the police knew who they were from their descriptions that they got caught.

I think you did the right thing, if the police were not interested they would have just logged it.

[hungryhippo90]

I can understand you being a bit shaken by this, but possibly more because if this happened whilst you were in the boot, what else could have happened in that time?

It does read like a harmless prank though. I don't understand why your daughter was so upset? It may well have been scary, but I see it as s reverse trick or treat type thing, and can't see any harm being meant

I also don't believe that calling the police was really the right thing, as they are sooo over stretched as it is, but if you feel it's helped your daughter feel safer or happier then that's your call, obviously
Hope DD is OK

[user1477282676]

OP I can see why you and DD found it upsetting....he MEANT to scare her.

USe this as a chance to tell her what to do in similar situations. She can shout GET OUT! She can yell MUM!!!! or STOP!

Let her know that.

[user1477282676]

Also remember this...lads can be quite silly and ignorant and it's highly possible he didn't mean to actually scare her but thought it was fun and getting into the spirit of things.

My DH did a silly thing the other day...we were all painted like Zombies and driving along our road when some lads of about 12 passed. DH stared at them blank faced as a way of giving them a spook but I told him it was too much as he's a grown man and that's not ok....a child doing such a thing would be ok though. He was horrified and thought he was just being fun...

[Robbabank]

oh thanks to the last few posters! Thought some people were dwelling on the least important aspects allright such as whether my kids can belt themselves in but whatever.
Logging it is exactly what I wanted to do re the police involvement, not reporting a crime per se, but logging another example of this group's behaviour.
They weren't really loitering outside the shop, i think one of them went in to get something and the others stayed outside. I think that the one who pulled open the door did it as the group moved off away from the shop, heading towards the back of my car and on down the street as I was in the boot/closing the boot and
coming around the other side of the car (lheading to the front driver seat and looking to my right (and away from the passenger side) to check oncoming traffic).
The incident with the bike happened when I was with my 4yo, so no, I did not get entangled with this 'gang' and other people in the street (2 shop owners and another shop owner who is also my neighbour) were also witnesses (2 gave chase) and they said the victim/group knew each other and this was another one of their 'tricks'. I don't think the boy reported it because they are all from the surrounding flats and interconnected etc and they pick on him regularly. The shop had my name if they wanted to pass it to police but I heard nothing more.

[IceMaiden73]

Why would you call the police about this? YABU

[user1477282676]

Teach DDs to stand up and shout if they feel afraid. NEVER to sit silently putting up with shit. It's a good lesson for girls that they need NEVER put up with intimidation from men or boys.

[userformallyknownasuser1475360]

There are possibly two Criminal offences here - common Assault - i.e. Putting or attempting to put someone in fear of unlawful violence (i.e. Daughter in the car)

And possibly vehicle tampering/interference if there was an intent to steal anything in or on the vehicle - ie was the plan to steal from the car while mum was at the back of the car

[giraffe13]

I have dds of a similar age, tbh I think I would report it cause its out of order. Unfortunately I think if i was you and I had noticed I would've given them a mouthful and probably regretted it after so it's probably good that you didn't see him do it. It's not wasting police time, it was intimidating behaviour against a minor, it's good to have such incidents on record. Hopefully your daughter wont be too intimidated and the police will be reassuring to you even if they are unable to actually do anything. ignore the harsh posts. I live in a rural area but always lock my kids in the car even when just paying at the petrol station or posting a letter. He was bang out of order to intimidate your little girl YANBU

[Ohyesiam]

I am so glad I'm not being parented by the posters who don't understand why your daughter was upset. Someone came into her space (family car) to scare her, and it did. It was invasive, she felt invaded.

[Robbabank]

No Worra, this group don't know me. I'm sure of that.
User 147 - thanks for that. that's where I'm coming from too. This terrible paralysis and vulnerability because of our gender makes me so fucking angry!
To those with the empathy bypass tonight , my daughter was upset, not hysterical. A completely strange man opened the door and leaned into speak to her??? That's not something most kids would just take in their stride. At 7 at night, after a long day etc? Christ I'd have found that shocking as an adult!
User formally known as - thanks very much, that's really helpful .

[Notanother1]

Don't ask for empathy on MN, they've clearly run out, all got their judgy pants on tonight. Of course you have a right to be upset. And if you reported it then great, discouraging reporting abuse like this has repercussions for our daughters. The problem is not you reporting it but that the police are unlikely to do anything about it or have time/money to do anything about it. You shouldn't feel intimidated by these idiots.

[userformallyknownasuser1475360]

Btw for all posters stating it is wasting police time - I'm a Police Officer

[butterfliesandzebras]

I'm a grown adult and would feel fucking terrified if my car door was suddenly yanked open and some strange man leaned in (especially if I was belted in and felt I couldn't get away), and if they then said 'trick or treat' then went on their merry way laughing I'd feel angry and humiliated.

I don't know if it's a crime, but it's shitty antisocial behaviour.

[Ditsy4]

So sorry this happened to your daughter. We are constantly telling children not to talk to strangers and then on a dark night this incident happens no wonder she was frightened.
I can quite believe that you hadn't seen it. I was thinking I bet the traffic was noisy.
Considering what is happening with the clowns...how many people would have told you to report it if the boys were wearing clown masks...I think you were right to report it.
If nothing else you might get some reassurance and advice and it is teaching your daughter to go to the police for help.she'll need reassurance for a while and I would teach her to lock her door to make her feel safe.

I don't know why people have to be so nasty and judgemental on here.

[femfemlicious]

Well to be honest I think if you are going to live in a dodgy area then your daughter needs to toughen up a little bit.

I think it would have been better for you to shout over at them if you are sure they are youths. I would have shouted out one of you opened my door and upset my daughter. I don't appreciate that. Got in car and drove off.

[My2centsworth]

God OP. That was very intimidating for your DD. The poor little thing. I don't know how the police will react. I probably would have had it out with them myself because I work with guys this age so I guess I don't feel threatened when maybe I should sometimes.

As an aside I would not tell the police that you go by Robbabank in the world of MN.