To think that most women (especially at work) don't want other women to lose weight?

[bumblebee50]

I work in an environment with mostly females. There's always someone on a diet and a couple of them are currently going to slimming clubs. Everyone excitedly asks on a Wednesday how much weight was lost and if someone says I didn't lose anything or lost half a pound the response is always sympathetic. However, I can't help thinking that a lot of women don't want other women to get to their target weight as it makes them feel slightly adequate. Am I completely off the mark?

[DamePastel]

The feeder in my last place was so thin she was like a wraith but she would bring in cakes three times a week and say ''i bought that for you!!!''. I used to have one sometimes but she could be a bit pushy. I remember once saying ''maybe later, wellington square iwth mushroom soup, no thanks''. She was always going on about points and left early one day a week to go to her meeting, but she would spend money on cakes for other people who weren't that fussed either way.

[MargoChanning]

I don't think other women necessarily want other women to fail in losing weight but in a former workplace, I did find many of my female colleagues would always remark on how much cake I ate when there were treats brought in. If someone brought in cakes for their birthday, for example, I'd get 'oh there's Margo, heading for the cake!'. Or if I'd say 'no I'm fine thanks' when offered cake, I'd get 'oh that's not like you! Go on, have a slice!'.

Or if an email went round saying 'cake and biscuits upstairs' and I happened to go upstairs for something unrelated, I'd get 'ooh I knew it wouldn't take you long before you came up for the treats!'. I'm very overweight and it would always be my slim colleagues making those remarks. I didn't think they were trying to get me to fail at dieting, but there was an element of jokey body shaming going on, ironic given that it was at a disability charity!

[AmysTiara]

My colleagues have been nothing but supportive to me while I've been dieting. They're all lovely though - two men and ten women.

[Pluto30]

Could not give one fifth of a fuck about the weight of any of my colleagues.

I'd say this is more of an issue among (immature) female friends.

[crashdoll]

There's nothing more boring that people rambling on about their weight and their diets at work.

[BeMorePanda]

They are probably trying to be polite without revealing just how Bored to fucking death they are hearing all about people's diets, good foods, bad foods, weight gain and loss and how each individual feels about it.

No one is interested. Really. That's the truth. It's insane how much energy this kind of talk takes up, but really deep down, no one cares and nor should they.

[MoveItMoveItMoveIt]

Interesting.

I work with someone who has admitted to me she feels the way you are describing, she wants the women around her to be bigger so she feels slimmer.

[JaceLancs]

I have experienced diet sabotagers in the work place and in some groups of friends - thankfully both times many years ago
Next time I decided I just didn't tell anybody and cracked on with it quietly - I lost 4 stone before my NDN even noticed!
DD is currently doing slimming world it sounds like about half of her work colleagues are also on some kind of diet but they all do it differently, sound quite supportive and swap recipes

[Bloodybridget]

"Makes them feel slightly adequate" - you mean inadequate, I suppose? I haven't experienced this at work; however, I've been lucky enough to have jobs where weight and diets weren't frequent topics of conversation.

[Love51]

Someone found it odd colleagues go to weight loss club together. Some of my colleagues who live near each other go to the same weight loss club. They compare notes with others who go to a different branch. But the dog lovers compare notes about their pooches, and there was a baby boom a few years back so those with kids discuss those, people discuss tv series, running - weight loss is essentially just another hobby. Some people like to be the best at their hobbies and can get a bit competative, others just get on with it.

[Electrolens]

That's a nasty comment OP but down to that individual. I'm overweight and not dieting at the moment. A colleague and friend is and I'm hugely pleased for her she is doing well. I never bring up my weight or dieting with colleagues but if they do I'm supportive in the same way I'd be supportive and interested if someone told me they were looking to buy a house, shared gripes about their kids, or whatever. Even if it's not of particular interest to me. I think you have experienced a bad comment from a rude colleague and hopefully it's a one off.

And if people bring cake into the office, I generally don't eat it as I'm not a big fan of sweet things and don't want to needlessly eat out of politeness. A simple - that looks lovely but I'm ok thanks.

[Antifrank]

Do our work with Marjorie Dawes?

[clumsyduck]

I do see what you are saying op though it is quite a sweeping generalisation ! You could apply this to both men and and women with a lot of things possibly rooted in envy Over something they want themselfs and so makes them feel a bit jealous when they see others have it so replace "lose weight " with "go on dream holiday" "buy a house " etc but of course not everyone is like this and not everyone who is like this will be like it about the same things (ie some people couldnt care less about someone's looks but may be envious of a holiday ) etc etc

Personally I don't care the size of my work colleagues but with close friends who have wanted to and lost weight I have felt proud of them and happy for them that they now feel good . not that I care what they look like in regards to the relevance it has on our friendship iyswim

However When I lost quite a bit of weight ( and definitely needed to !) there were women I worked with who would say I didn't need to lose weight or try coax me into eating crap when people brought treats in despite me being clearly a lot bigger than I used to be and overweight bmi wise and unhappy that I was bigger . also the same ones who would say I was too thin and a "skinny bitch" (jokingly ) once the weight was lost where my friends thought I looked good and family gave positive reactions and most importantly I felt good !! So you do have a point

[tametempo]

I honestly think this is an 'office based' phenomenon. I have worked in an office and many of the women were obsessed with weight loss and diets.

I've worked in supermarkets and hospitals and really, everybody is far too rushed off their feet to chat about the latest juicing fad.

[CreepyContessaDiPlump]

Some people are as nasty as you describe op, it's true. However, many others simply aren't. It's unfortunate that you are working with a population of the former type.

[WantToRunAgain]

I've experienced this OP - lost a lot of weight a few years ago and while many of my colleagues were lovely about it there was a hardcore who clearly felt comfortable with me being "the fat one" and did everything they could to sabotage my efforts.

I also had a "friend" who did this too. Cow.

[WantToRunAgain]

Oh and not once did I experience this from men who were ALL incredibly supportive of my efforts.

[tofutti]

YANBU. I've noticed that with some women at work too OP.

[PickAChew]

I can hardly claim to speak for "a lot of women" but what you're suggesting sounds quite pathetic - maybe you're projecting a little? My hope would be that most women would be happy for other women to be as healthy as possible.

[Sugarlightly]

I worked with some one who was getting married, and losing weight for her dress fittings and afterwards she would eat junk again until her next dress fitting was near. I did smile to myself a bit with the thought she might not lose enough weight each time.

I personally don't care about other people losing weight really, and at work I find discussions about weight completely and utterly boring

[LightDrizzle]

I don't know anyone who I suspect thinks like that. I think generally people are low key about congratulating people on weight loss and supportive of failures to lose because they are aware of not wanting to fat shame, be body fascists, or feed insecurities. In my offices and staff rooms over my career everybody made encouraging noises if somebody chose to share their weight loss, but commiserated with people who didn't and often shared their own failures or experience of how tough it is because x, y, z.

At times of stress, celebration, or most Fridays at my last job, I used to bring in Reese's Peanut Butter Cups for everyone, not because I am a feeder, but because it is a cheap and cheerful way to raise moral a bit. From the reaction of most people, they could have been gold bars. If people left something on my desk when I was cutting down, I'd just take it home for my DD or OH or give it to someone else. Usually, finding someone had brought in cake or left sweets on our desks made me disproportionally happy, given there was a bloody vending machine within spitting distance.

My last job was a hectic teaching job and we were all perpetually starving hungry thanks to working through breaks and lunch thanks to a ridiculous admin burden and wonderful but demanding students. Hunger and cystitis were unexpected corollaries of teaching for me!

[JellyWitch]

I find weight obsession beyond dull but take the time to congratulate friends who are pleased about losing weight or getting fitter. Good for them.

It would take a special sort of odd someone to actually begrudge a colleague or friend feeling positive!

[BackforGood]

YABcompletelyU in your use of most
IME, "most" people really aren't that interested in anyone else's weight.
If a diet is important to someone, and they want to talk about it, then I suspect most people would be supportive and encouraging as long as it didn't go on too long.

[Sonders]

OP I've worked in one place where the majority of the vocal women were always on a diet and always talking about it.

They claimed to be really close friends, but always made snide comments like "oh hun, you're eating so little - you'd think you would have lost more". It was total negging.

This group were so vacuous, mean and dull. Honestly, not all women are like this.

When it comes to weight loss, I think most women either don't care or are proud of their workmates' efforts!